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Sister’s 30th

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RedWine123 Wed 18-Nov-20 14:25:23

I’m in need of some advice as to how to handle this situation in the best way and would love to hear some thoughts as I’m honestly quite stuck...

My sister is turning 30 soon. Earlier this year she told me she would like a small party, one that’s special. She mentioned a theme of wine/open fire/cozy/great food kind of party - more of a gathering. I said I would like to organise this as her other milestone birthdays have not been celebrated majorly. We agreed.

So around May I started to make plans. Venue, food, drinks, guest list, music, decor (Nothing paid for yet as we were in lockdown at the time. Too uncertain). I asked her a couple of things about food preferences and people she would like to attend and she seemed ok.

Gradually she started saying she would rather just do something small like a day out with just myself, DC and our DM as she was worried that she would be upset if people didn’t show up. She got quite upset. I told her that at most parties there are people that don’t turn up but that’s ok and it doesn’t have to ruin the night. We left the conversation to another time.

I should add that she gets really anxious and worried about things. She overthinks and it stops her from doing things that she would enjoy. (She is very aware of this and is still working on it). I’ve been very open with her about the ideas and she’s liked them.

I know her through and through, she is my best friend without a doubt and would never give her a party that she wouldn’t enjoy. Our family and friends are great and love her a lot.

I think she has thought about every bad thing that could possibly happen and has completely talked herself out of the idea. She even said to me when she suggested a party “I know I’ll regret it if I don’t have one”.

She’s fantastic and has been working in ICU over the pandemic and I think that she deserves a proper celebration. Not a day out to a stately home. (Absolutely nothing wrong with a stately home visit but doesn’t seem like a proper 30th birthday celebration).

I don’t want her anxiety to hold her back but I also don’t want to push her into it. What’s the best thing to do?

Should I:

A: Carry on reassuring her that it’ll be fine and hope she’ll get used to the idea.

B: Respect her wishes and have a day out with my mum and DC.

C: Go ahead with the party in secret and surprise her.

Any other suggestions welcome!

Note: If it goes ahead, party will be in summer as it will be safer and more people likely to attend.

Thanks for reading!

OP’s posts: |
PoulePouletteEternellement Wed 18-Nov-20 14:51:20

Well it's a long time to next Summer and lots could change!

When is her birthday? Presumably sooner? Couldn't you all fall in with her wishes and have a family day out? (Covid permitting - maybe some other quiet, low key celebration.) That way there's less anticipatory pressure on a formal party - which could be arranged at shorter notice next year.

I completely sympathise with her actually - an official party booked months ahead would make me horribly miserable.

RedWine123 Wed 18-Nov-20 14:55:04

Her birthday is actually the end of December which is obviously a tricky time for a lot of people... she was ok with it being in the summer as at the time and still now she would rather wait until Covid is less of an issue. She would definitely not be up for having any large gatherings any time soon. Thanks for your reply and I can see that it would be daunting for it to be so far away.

OP’s posts: |

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