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I don't want any solutions I just want to complain

(33 Posts)
Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 13:05:02

I feel rubbish. I had a traumatic separation from my husband and currently going through a messy and expensive divorce. I am resident parent to teenage children. I am single despite trying a lot of dating, but I've been met with a lot of rejection. I don't have a Covid support bubble because I don't have anyone to ask. The past year has been very lonely. My job is in an industry that has been hit hard by Covid but I haven't been made redundant.
Oh and I'm going through menopause.
I am hard as fuck and I never cry.

A few days ago I bumped the car. Not badly, no other car involved, no one hurt. It will likely be expensive, but I can manage.

And I came in and just cried and cried. And couldn't stop. My children tried to comfort me. I've felt shaken up since.

And I feel very tearful still. This isn't usual for me. Can I lay these complaints here please so I can go about my day?

OP’s posts: |
icedaisy Tue 17-Nov-20 13:08:00

Of course, and you are allowed to cry it out. thanks

Now, not a solution but what can you do for you today. Nice glass of wine and a long soak in a bath? Easy tea of all your favourite bits? A walk? A call with a friend? Just something for you.

jasmin93 Tue 17-Nov-20 13:09:51

Let it all out! Some days suck and before you know it, things will improve.
Stay positive and take life by its balls!
You can do this!
Men are overrated anyway. What did Sher say? Men are no necessity. They are like desert. Be your own rich man xx
flowers

Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 13:11:14

I'm afraid I have to work today. I'm really not in the mood, but there's no option not to. Although at least I don't work from home, so I do see people which helps.

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icedaisy Tue 17-Nov-20 13:13:52

Pick up something lovely for tea on way home then.

I'm a bit like this today, but no real reason to be. Tired and weepy.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 17-Nov-20 13:16:41

I'm sorry you're having such a shit day. Perhaps you should consider HRT. It can be a total lifesaver.

HunterAngel Tue 17-Nov-20 13:16:44

Have a good cry, you’re having a shit year and you need to release the pressure somehow. Later on, once you’ve calmed down a bit run yourself a nice bath, have some wine or chocolate and take some ‘me’ time

Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 13:19:33

I'm already on hrt. I'm lucky that I don't get physical symptoms, but I think the knowledge that a part of my life is over is a factor mentally.

And although it doesn't seem fashionable to say so, I really, really want a romantic partner. Friends can't fill that gap. This has been made painfully obvious during lockdown this year.

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Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 13:22:30

I just want to moan really.

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MrsJonesAndMe Tue 17-Nov-20 13:27:29

Sounds like you have every right to moan. it's been hard for pretty much everyone - and don't forget a divorce is one of the most stressful things in life. Add in teens hmm and hormones!!

I'm mainlining chocolate as a coping strategy and crying in the shower. Can you do something for yourself, maybe over the weekend? Or get the teens to cook you a meal or whatever?

Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 13:34:47

Unfortunately getting the teens to cook anything is Bloody Hard Work and involves constant supervision. They are all under 16.

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JoeBidenIsGreat Tue 17-Nov-20 13:36:23

You're coping very well with lots of problems OP. You don't have to be cheerful about it. x

Seems like there should be a way for isolated adults to form chat bubbles. Even if it's just someone you don't want to be friendlier with than the odd cuppa together.

MrsJonesAndMe Tue 17-Nov-20 13:37:49

Ah I hear you. Also at that stage (but lucky to be married to someone lovely so at least not on my own)

Sending you some virtual (((hugs))) and gin

Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 13:41:04

Yeah. I do have a WhatsApp group with friends where we chat, but in the absence of regular meetups I am feeling more and more distant. I also have an online penfriend. But social distancing is really getting to me now. I'm not a hugging touchy feely type, but I'm feeling increasingly disconnected from society.

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Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 13:44:00

Its like we no longer go places where we bump into people and chat any more. That's a factor. And meetings in venues such as pubs have to be booked in advance (when out of lockdown, I'm in a high tier area that has been more or less constantly locked down) , so nothing spontaneous. Everything is so joyless.

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Grenlei Tue 17-Nov-20 13:47:01

Ah bloody hell OP - I can totally understand your pain. I was a single parent with teens and that was hard enough a few years ago in the pre-Covid era. I'd be tearing my hair out now if mine were still that age.

And going through the menopause is tough. I remember my mum (who would get annoyed from time to time but never really angry) absolutely losing her shit when going through menopause, and crying a lot too, which was completely out of character. I was a teenager then and pretty unsympathetic - I'm late 40s now and at least peri-menopausal myself so I regret not being a bit kinder to her. I feel totally overwhelmed a lot of the time, and can't make a decision (I've always been a really decisive black and white person but not now). I've christened it decision paralysis!

I understand missing a partner too, I was single (with DC) for 6 years before I met my OH and it is lonely. It's nice not only to have the romantic stuff but also just to have someone to rant to/with about something as simple as having a shit day. Friends are all very well but most have their own lives and own partners.

Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 13:51:17

I feel your mum's pain @Grenlei 😂

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feelingsadtoday2021 Tue 17-Nov-20 14:17:38

I get it

I m normally quite resilient and happy on my own but recently begun to feel lonely and just like I needed a hug
It's just the relentlessness of it all I struggle with

RosieLemonade Tue 17-Nov-20 14:18:27

@Ultimatecougar I hit another car with my car a year ago (to the day actually). It was slow speed so no one was hurt however it was expensive.
Afterwards my anxiety shot through the roof. I became petrified over everything. Even just walking along the corridor at work I felt like something was going to bash into me. I couldn’t sleep or eat and kept bursting into tears. These things really do shake you up!

BlackeyedSusan Tue 17-Nov-20 14:32:13

teens, menopause... 'nuff said..

Ultimatecougar Tue 17-Nov-20 14:40:31

I only backed into a concrete bollard. I feel really over dramatic about my reaction, but I suspect it's a culmination of a lot of other factors.

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MrsJonesAndMe Mon 23-Nov-20 16:16:34

How are things @Ultimatecougar? Hope the car wasn't too bad and that life is a bit calmer this week!

Ultimatecougar Mon 23-Nov-20 19:52:30

Aw thank you @MrsJonesAndMe. The car has been repaired courtesy of the insurance company. Although now I'm very wary about driving it.

Just starting the annual tense discussion with the ex about the children and Xmas which is nice 🙄

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Sideorderofchips Mon 23-Nov-20 20:13:44

Cry my lovely. I'm going through similar wise with divorce and kids and having to be hard as fuck because we have no choice do we.

But God it's hard. So if you need to cry then cry ❤️

MrsJonesAndMe Mon 23-Nov-20 20:36:24

Oh dear. What do the teens want? Surely they're old enough to decide?

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