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Child bullied mine but now I look bad

(23 Posts)
Flowercarpet Tue 17-Nov-20 10:23:09

My DS is in year 8.
Year 6 was made a nightmare for him by a girl who used to be his best friend. The girl turned on DS and bullied him for quite a while before the school finally put a stop to it.
I never approached the girl and dealt with all the issues via the school.

Yesterday I collected DS from school. We meet about half way, DS has SEN and can’t cross roads safely. The girl was a few meters behind DS when he was approaching me, we stopped to chat and I noticed the girl wasn’t behind him anymore but hiding behind a car in someone’s driveway! She was definitely hiding from me and only came out when DS and I crossed the road.

I have never said anything to her to make her fear me but I now look evil.
I assume saying anything will just make the situation worse but I really hate the feeling that I look like I’ve done something wrong when I fact this child (apparently encouraged by her mother) made DSs last school year a misery.

OP’s posts: |
Mrsfrumble Tue 17-Nov-20 10:30:20

I don’t think you look evil. It looks as if she realises she did something awful and feels guilty and embarrassed! And at that age hiding probably seems the best way to deal with those difficult emotions.

As long as she’s no longer bothering your son, I wouldn’t worry about it. You did the right thing by letting the school manage the situation, and you know that so who cares how it “looks” to anyone else?

chickenyhead Tue 17-Nov-20 10:33:13

I imagine she feels ashamed.

I don't think it's about you personally.

Bogardicia Tue 17-Nov-20 10:33:23

Agree with pp. She was aware she was in the wrong and was scared you would say something to her. What would have the alternative been, you allowed DS to get bullied? You have handled it extremely sensitively imo.

billy1966 Tue 17-Nov-20 10:57:52


Agree with pp. She was aware she was in the wrong and was scared you would say something to her. What would have the alternative been, you allowed DS to get bullied? You have handled it extremely sensitively imo.

Sounds like you were a model of restraint OP.

Put it out of your head.

Hope your son is happier now.

dogslife2020 Tue 17-Nov-20 11:33:53

Nope, it shows that deep down they know what they did was wrong and are embarrassed to face you. This is on them, not you.

SoupDragon Tue 17-Nov-20 11:36:32

I don't really understand why you think it makes you look bad.

I agree that she probably doesn't want to face you through embarrassment. No one else will think anything of it.

Quartz2208 Tue 17-Nov-20 11:38:25

She just wanted (understandably) to avoid you and not have either a awkward chat or a confrontation

What did you actually want her to do OP?

olympicsrock Tue 17-Nov-20 11:39:59

Agree with everyone else. You have an ashamed guilty child who is embarrassed to face you. It’s about her not you

AuntyPasta Tue 17-Nov-20 11:40:06

I don’t think you did anything wrong and I’d check with your DS that she’s not bothering him again. Hopefully it was just coincidence that she was there.

Enough4me Tue 17-Nov-20 11:42:38

Good, she is ashamed and will leave your DS alone.

Flowercarpet Tue 17-Nov-20 16:27:18

@Quartz2208 I thought she would just walk past while we ignore each other as we have done for the last 2 years.

I’m sure you’re all correct and she’s feeling guilty, maybe she’s only just realised how awful she was and that’s why she hid.

OP’s posts: |
JuliaJohnston Tue 17-Nov-20 16:31:21

I don't understand your post at all. You feel bad that your child's bully is too ashamed to face you in public?
You need to get your priorities straight, because this is ludicrous confused

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 17-Nov-20 16:34:33

I suspect she's moved onto someone else whose parent hasn't been quite as sensitive as you have been, has had a rocket, and now is worried that all mummies of her victims are going to give her a dressing down. Good. And nothing for you to worry about.

Cannotcope4223 Tue 17-Nov-20 16:39:49

Good! Little cow should be ashamed and hiding. God I hate bullying 🤬I hope ur DS is ok x

Flowercarpet Tue 17-Nov-20 16:55:24

@JuliaJohnston I meant that by hiding it looks like she’s the victim when she most certainly isn’t.

DS is good, he’s moved on and found an easy going quirky group of friends.

OP’s posts: |
LyndaSnellsSniff Tue 17-Nov-20 17:03:25

@Flowercarpet it means she knows she has behaved appallingly and is still worried about reprisals. This is good. I doubt she’ll ever bother your son again. Also good.

You did nothing wrong and you shouldn’t worry about her feelings.

slipperywhensparticus Tue 17-Nov-20 17:08:54

I can see your concern worst case scenario she has claimed to be the victim not the perpetrator and anything she did is "self defence" and she proves it by hiding best case she is ashamed of her behaviour and feels someone is going to tell her off

RelaisBlu Tue 17-Nov-20 17:19:19

DD3 was bullied at school by one particular girl. Several years after they all left school this girl happened to come cycling towards me as I walked along the pavement of our town. When she saw me she wobbled and nearly fell off. I just kept walking without speaking to her. Another time I saw her at the local cinema and she blushed and looked away. I interpreted both these occasions as indicating she probably felt shame & guilt and would guess the same about the girl hiding from you

LittleOverwhelmed Tue 17-Nov-20 17:23:04

No, she doesn’t seem like the victim. I am not surprised that she is too ashamed to speak to you.

Don’t worry about it, move on.

Saz12 Tue 17-Nov-20 17:24:39

Child is ashamed and embarrassed. She’s also not brave enough to face you/your DS to apologise.

Hoppinggreen Tue 17-Nov-20 17:25:30

Maybe I AM actually as evil as you are worried you might be OP but I would be glad this girl couldn’t face me. I would be more upset if she smirked at me or just didn’t seem at all embarrassed about her behaviour

WhereverIGoddamnLike Tue 17-Nov-20 17:29:35

I'm surprise by your saying that the mother encouraged it. How does that even happen? That's really horrible. I'm sorry your son got stuck with a friend with a mother like that and glad he has moved on. At least if the girl is ashamed enough to hide, then she knows how wrong she was and might not turn out like the mother.

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