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How are your kids doing in all... this?

(31 Posts)
ThePlantsitter Mon 16-Nov-20 08:40:40

Just wondered how everyone's kids are in this weird and unpredictable time. Mine are ok but I do worry they are on the edge of depression most of the time and I'm having to put my preschool TV presenter attitude on for the first time since they were really small.

I have one who's just started secondary and has managed without being sent home because of a case in her bubble so far. It's very difficult for her to make/cement friendships when there are no clubs or bringing people home though. Getting her to do exercise is nigh on impossible too but at least she walks to school.

My younger one still in primary has had to be at home loads for one reason or another and it's really taking its toll on her. She was OK homeschooling when we were mostly making it up and I was not working either but now it's work set by school and I'm trying to work at the same time she is really not enjoying it. Again, no play dates is really hard. I feel like she's really retreating inside herself.

How are your kids? Have you found any good ways to keep them cheerful in all this?

OP’s posts: |
Waxonwaxoff0 Mon 16-Nov-20 08:52:14

DS is OK as long as school stays open. (7yo) he's an only child and the first lockdown was hell, he was like a different child, crying every day and not engaging with schoolwork.

He's a bit sad at not being able to have playdates but being back at school has made all the difference. Luckily he hasn't had to isolate yet so he's been in constantly since September.

LittleOverwhelmed Mon 16-Nov-20 09:04:22

DS is good, but he is ridiculously adaptable and easy going: he loved first lockdown because he could see me all the time (even though I was WFH far too much 🙁). Now I am taking a break from work, he can’t wait until he has to self isolate... (so far he hasn’t, but it is a close thing - last night a member of support staff at school tested positive, but Public Health England have decided not to close the school).

From talking to other parents (especially those with girls and boys), girls do tend to find it harder...

Try to get them out for walks / cycles if at all possible (ie not self isolating): so important, especially this time of year.

Make lots of opportunities for them to video call with their friends or class mates or cousins etc. Maybe google some games / quizzes for Zoom too. They need to be sociable. DS (10) has been playing fortnite: not something that he would have been allowed if not for that first lockdown, but it has given him an invaluable social outlet with his friends (within boundaries and depending on good behaviour).

ThePlantsitter Mon 16-Nov-20 09:12:30

Yes, school is so important isn't it @waxonwaxoff0? I don't worry about missed learning much but the routine and social stuff feels essential.

It's interesting that you've observed a difference between boys and girls @littleoverwhelmed. One thing about my girls is that they really hate video calls which is of course not helping.You're certainly right about the walks/bike rides. They are reeeeeally not keen so although it's fine once we're out - eventually - getting them out there is so painful.

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pastandpresent Mon 16-Nov-20 09:14:58

My dc seems fine. But the way I see it, we all need to do our best and hope this virus is under control as fast as it can be.
There's no easy way out. Accept the circumstances and do the best within the rules is the way forward, to the best outcome, imo.

AutumnSummersBuffysCousin Mon 16-Nov-20 09:17:43

My DC are exactly like yours, and I have also let my younger one play FORTNITE which I certainly wouldn’t have entertained only for the social connection. It’s hard for them, I’m busting my ass to be cheery and give them a positive attitude, exercise and eat well, but definitely running on empty at this stage.

formerbabe Mon 16-Nov-20 09:17:53

Mine are fine although I know they are both really missing their after school and weekend sports and activities.

School days are pretty much the same as they've always been but weekends are getting very very boring now, especially when the weather is bad.

OkyDoke Mon 16-Nov-20 09:20:30

Isolation Day 11. My 3 year old is bored shirtless. Possibly feral. Taking clothes off with alarming frequency. Watching too much TV as I am 26 weeks with placenta previa and trying to 'rest'. Bring on nursery on Friday and I can get back to work and really rest/sit on my arse.

ThePlantsitter Mon 16-Nov-20 09:21:24

* I’m busting my ass to be cheery and give them a positive attitude, exercise and eat well, but definitely running on empty at this stage.*

This is exactly how I feel and I worry I can't keep it up much longer! Jazz hands!

OP’s posts: |
MamaBearThius Mon 16-Nov-20 09:22:56

I have a 4 year old incredibly bright little girl who was due to start school in September, but we've delayed it as I had a baby in June and felt vulnerable. My poor DD is struggling without socialising. I was just about managing to home school until 5 weeks ago when I was struck with labrythitis/vertigo and it's only just easing so the poor kid has had none of my time. She is usually the kindest, gentlest person I know but just lately (understandably) is so angry and mopey. Any tips on how to bring her back would be welcomed ☺️

ThePlantsitter Mon 16-Nov-20 09:23:10

Oof @OkyDoke isolation with a 3 yr old. Sending gin that you can't drink flowers

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LindaEllen Mon 16-Nov-20 09:23:29

DSS is really, really struggling. I feel like his college experience - which should have included trips, work experience, socialising and sports matches - has been narrowed down to just the stressful part of college life, i.e. A Levels. They're not allowed in the building if their lessons are over for the day, and they're not allowed to socialise outside of their classrooms. Lesson time is vastly reduced, and a lot of the work is still done at home.

During the first lockdown he didn't do very well at home, he's never been the best at home study anyway, so condensing it down to JUST home study was never going to work for him.

He lied to us about doing his work, lied to us about online lessons being cancelled if we caught him still in bed past 9am, lied to us about the results he was getting .. and he's just now realising that actually, the only person he's affected with this is himself, as he's got shit results for Y12 and this therefore limits the offers he's likely to get for university (which he insists he wants to go to - and seems really keen - even though he hates independent study).

He's gone from being a happy, sociable boy to being withdrawn. He's lost his appetite which is how we know something is really wrong with him.

He says he's getting bad grades and doesn't understand why, and won't believe me when I explained to him how much work I had to do for my A Levels, and I only got Bs even with several hours work every night in addition to college .

It's been a horrible time but he won't accept that his future really is in his own hands at the moment. He seems to want it handed to him, which isn't going to happen, and given that everything he used to enjoy has been banned, it's just an awful time for him.

Sirzy Mon 16-Nov-20 09:25:30

Ds is CEV so is off school at the moment. Thankfully he has full time 1-1 who is teaching him via teams.

His mental health isn’t great to start with and he is having great difficulty at the moment. Mainly anger with the impact people not sticking to the restrictions is having on him

MillieEpple Mon 16-Nov-20 09:27:04

One child (with ASD) much happier.

Other child - Misses some social activities and going out with friends so i have more concerns for his wellbeing. But is ok school wise.

ThePlantsitter Mon 16-Nov-20 09:33:50

Sorry your DSS is finding it so hard @LindaEllen. My nephew is in the same boat. I think it's extra hard because 'A' levels DO take so much work but usually the excitement of the independence you get at that age takes the edge off. Not happening now obvs.

OP’s posts: |
BillyAndTheSillies Mon 16-Nov-20 09:34:46

DS1 is in reception and slowly merging back in to the uncontrollable tyrant that he became during lockdown 1. He's waking up early, not interested in activities just wants to see his grandparents. He's started having nightmares again. Dh and I spend a lot of time talking about feelings with him. He just seems so frustrated.

Usually he'd have three or four nights at grandparents on his own where they'd take him out and do things with him. Or he'd have play dates which is all on hold. Alternatively, grandparents would have DS2 so we could spend time doing age appropriate things with DS1.

DS1 loves going to the park and will spend hours in there which is lovely to watch. He also loves being at school.

DS2 is just amazed that DH and I are both at home permanently and doesn't quite know who to cuddle or play with!

BogRollBOGOF Mon 16-Nov-20 09:39:24

My DCs do not do phone calls or Zoom. DS1 has ASD so misses out on so many cues and they are such an inferior, 2 dimensional alternative to real human contact. I'll be pleasantly surprised if DS2 ever engages with Beavers again. He was 6 when they last met F2F and I'll be surprised if they meet again before his 8th birthday around Easter when it's time to join DS1 in Cubs.

They miss sport. With DS1's ASD, while he has no motivation for team sports, it's important to get him out to a setting like park run, karate or the swimming pool to get him to do something. DS2 is more socuable and high energy. It's like living with two pent up wild animals constantly wrestling. We get out walking with Pokemon Go, but they don't really burn the enerfgy off. Dyspraxia and cycling do not mix happily, especially when light is fading at 16:15 and everything is damp.

They'd settled back into a couple of activities and looked liked they'd been slapped when I said that the government had cancelled them for a month.

School is keeping us clinging to sanity. They're not great school lovers, but that routine, stimulation and social contact are essential for us all.

You can really tell that the government and advisors are not hands-on dads!

ThePlantsitter Mon 16-Nov-20 09:45:31

School is keeping us clinging to sanity too bogroll. I'm v grateful to teachers and school staff, it must be carnage at the moment.

OP’s posts: |
ThePlantsitter Mon 16-Nov-20 09:49:12

By the way @pastandpresent I don't disagree with what you say I just sometimes lose sight of exactly what 'doing our best' means. As an adult you can muddle your way through but kids have no control over their lives at the best of times do they? Knowing how best to help them through all this unpredictability is not always simple and clear to me.

OP’s posts: |
bumblingbovine49 Mon 16-Nov-20 09:50:22

LindaEllen

DSS is really, really struggling. I feel like his college experience - which should have included trips, work experience, socialising and sports matches - has been narrowed down to just the stressful part of college life, i.e. A Levels. They're not allowed in the building if their lessons are over for the day, and they're not allowed to socialise outside of their classrooms. Lesson time is vastly reduced, and a lot of the work is still done at home.

During the first lockdown he didn't do very well at home, he's never been the best at home study anyway, so condensing it down to JUST home study was never going to work for him.

He lied to us about doing his work, lied to us about online lessons being cancelled if we caught him still in bed past 9am, lied to us about the results he was getting .. and he's just now realising that actually, the only person he's affected with this is himself, as he's got shit results for Y12 and this therefore limits the offers he's likely to get for university (which he insists he wants to go to - and seems really keen - even though he hates independent study).

He's gone from being a happy, sociable boy to being withdrawn. He's lost his appetite which is how we know something is really wrong with him.

He says he's getting bad grades and doesn't understand why, and won't believe me when I explained to him how much work I had to do for my A Levels, and I only got Bs even with several hours work every night in addition to college .

It's been a horrible time but he won't accept that his future really is in his own hands at the moment. He seems to want it handed to him, which isn't going to happen, and given that everything he used to enjoy has been banned, it's just an awful time for him.

This is pretty much what is happening to my DS but he is in year 11 and he has many other issues to do with ASD and ADHD. His mental health is shot and I feel like he has given up on any future for himself .

bookworm14 Mon 16-Nov-20 09:56:10

DD (5, only child) is much better since school went back, but it’s clear that this year has affected her a lot. She is still extremely clingy to me when we’re at home (wants me to come to the loo with her, won’t be in a room on her own for more than a few seconds) and is having a lot of nightmares. I hope she’ll eventually bounce back from this because she’s so young - I feel desperately sorry for older children and teenagers/young adults.

AutumnSummersBuffysCousin Mon 16-Nov-20 10:03:23

Feel so sorry for all our lovely childrensad but I guess we all just have to keep our chins up and show them that when the chips are down you have to keep going and find the joy wherever it is. I have printed lyrics of Christmas songs so we can have our own carol service, am going to make our own Christmas market in December with hot chocolate, bbq sausages, mini pancakes, music, lights strung up outside. It’s effort on my part and no doubt everyone will start off grumpy (teenagers here!) but I’m hopeful that they’ll get into the spirit of it and we can just be grateful to have each other.

ThePlantsitter Mon 16-Nov-20 10:08:39

I guess this is the key AutumnSummersBuffysCousin. I have bought a ridiculous cheesy musical advent calendar for the same reason. Your mini Christmas Market sounds properly ace, what a lovely idea!!

I think a family carol concert is on the cards...

OP’s posts: |
ReadySteadyBed Mon 16-Nov-20 10:09:20

My DD is 3 and the last lockdown did affect her as it was obvious to her pretty quick that we weren’t seeing all her cousins, friends and going to nursery. She’s very vocal and talks well so that made it easier to explain about the ‘germs’. She did change but I felt over the summer we got her back and she was very happy again.

I haven’t told her about this lockdown and I’m trying shield it from her which so far is going ok. Thankfully nursery is still open and we’ve always been very outdoorsy so as she’s under school age I can meet up with my mum or a friend with her too. Also taking advantage of NTs and RHS gardens.

We’ve been to the garden centre and this time I’ve taken her to the supermarket whereas first lockdown I didn’t which has helped too.

Our house is still mid renovation so we’ve had tradespeople in including a family member who is the main builder so again, all helped to keep the sense of normality for her.

If it was just me and DH we’d be fine but when you have a little one it complicates things!

TheseAreTheRichesOfThePoor Mon 16-Nov-20 11:40:34

My ADHDer isn't coping at all. 11, just started a secondary he had no settling in at. He's been excluded twice because he's acting out.

My other two seem fine actually. They coped ok during proper lockdown though albeit schoolwork was a nightmare.

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