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Does anyone else have a far fetched and dramatic escape plan, or is it just me?

(150 Posts)
FortunesFavour Sun 15-Nov-20 21:05:54

To be clear, I’m not talking about escaping from bad relationships or awful jobs - nothing sensible like that. No, I’m talking about escape plans from monsters, spies, aliens etc, just in case it should become necessary wink.

With me it’s zombies. I love a good shambling zombie and for years I’ve always had a plan in each place I’ve lived for what I would do in a zombie attack...where I would hide, which drainpipe I would shimmy down, where I could find an armoured truck and so on. Important stuff I’m sure you’ll agree!

I don’t believe in them of course - I am fully sane I assure you! It’s just idle speculation when bored, or a game. Eg leaving an empty train platform, I’ll imagine a train pulling up and disgorging zombies onto the platform...run or hide? How long would they take to reach me (this of course v much depends on whether you have a stumbler a la Walking Dead, or a runner a la 28 Days Later- in which case you’re stuffed and might as well throw in the towel straight away).

It might surprise you to learn that I’m not a teenage boy, but a professional woman in her 40s! P’raps it’s just escapism - fictional monsters being easier to deal with than current reality.

Anyone else have a plan in mind? Doesn’t have to be zombies - aliens, dragons, tigers, assassins, demons and stormtroopers all welcome...just no real threats as that spoils the fun (so planning hiding spots from MIL and the kids doesn’t count!).

Or is it just me? grin

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Coldhandscoldheart Sun 15-Nov-20 21:21:56

I do, usually also zombies, but now there are zombies that can run and swim it’s less fun. And also now if I think about zombies too much I start getting the heebies.
I also escape from bad men ( more in the Enid blyton style than actual terrorists), bombs, fires, sinking ships and occasionally animals. This is when I’m not being summoned to elite sports, or saving various other days.

dudsville Sun 15-Nov-20 21:34:59

I plan to ransack my own home so that it looks already overtaken. I plan to bury most of my clothes and shoes, coats, etc., under the shed so I can access them throughout my life when needed. I will build a small cubby hole hideaway that looks like a wall so that I can continue to live in my home unseen. I have plans how to keep my dogs well and un-eaten for the duration of their natural lives; it will be hard but it will give my life meaning. That kind of thing op?

FortunesFavour Sun 15-Nov-20 21:43:47

That is exactly the sort of thing dudsville and I am pleased to hear you and Coldhands have suitable plans in place 👍. Also pleased to hear it isn’t just me! When the apocalypse comes, we’ll be well prepared...stuff stockpiling tins of beans, it’s spears, tanks and electric generators that we’ll need.

I too heroically save the day on a regular basis Coldhands, and am admired throughout the land for my bravery and wisdom.

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student26 Sun 15-Nov-20 21:45:23

Oh yes. Have a zombie escape plan and have done for years! Same with in case triffids arrive.

FortunesFavour Sun 15-Nov-20 21:47:05

You’re a v sensible student...triffids are always tricky...

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Dowser Sun 15-Nov-20 22:44:14

Since coming back from Tenerife two weeks ago, I spend pretty much all my headspace of every waking moment planning my escape back there next month.

It’s not going well...so far

Whizbang Mon 16-Nov-20 00:31:30

grin I do too, zombies also. They won’t catch me when they get here 🧟‍♀️

LooksLikeImStuckHere Mon 16-Nov-20 01:10:38

I do but mine are for proper apocalyptic stuff like volcanoes, tsunamis etc. I like to consider films like The Day After Tomorrow as educational grin

Brogues Mon 16-Nov-20 07:51:15

Yes to the zombie scenario. My whole street would have patrols and barricades. My main worry would be non-zombie people trying to steal supplies though. I’d have a back up location with stores to decamp to if needed.

FortunesFavour Mon 16-Nov-20 08:23:36

Good to see we’re all well prepared. Personally I put it down to having been a brownie, although I’m not sure this is what Brown Owl had in mind.

Yes Brogues, there would definitely be marauders trying to nick your supplies....might even be me wink

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MellowMelly Mon 16-Nov-20 08:31:03

Zombies for me too. My plan is to escape to my daughters old school as it has a huge metal fence all the way round, kitchen facilities, first aid supplies etc...
I blame watching the Walking Dead for this grin

BiddyPop Mon 16-Nov-20 08:38:47

I often get myself into a self perpetuating loop if I wake in the night to the bits of a dream, to making big creative plans Nd panicking about what needs to be packed and how to move it, where’s the safe place, can I remember how to light a fire without matches, can I stitch up myself after the horrible snake just tore a chunk out of my calf.....

And then I eventually drift off again about 30 minutes before I need to get up...😴🥱

FortunesFavour Mon 16-Nov-20 09:40:02

I like your thinking Melly. I’ve got my eye on a local TA centre - nice big metal fence, mess hall and maybe even guns for when I come over all Lara Croft and heroically save the day. Either that or the garden centre - fence isn’t so good, but it does have a lovely cafe grin

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FortunesFavour Mon 16-Nov-20 09:43:36

TA meaning territorial army rather than teaching assistants. I don’t think teaching assistants have that much call for heavy weapons.

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user1471565182 Mon 16-Nov-20 09:49:09

My ambition is to be the dickhead who gets bitten by a zombie but keeps it secret, so I dont have a plan.

AutumnSummersBuffysCousin Mon 16-Nov-20 09:56:13

I do this but prefer to imagine something climate related, like a big freeze Like that movie (2012?) and I have to keep everyone warm and barricade up the house, have enough supplies of food, medicine, a toilet in the one room so we can all ride it out together. Passes the time rightly.

sueelleker Mon 16-Nov-20 09:59:53

FortunesFavour

TA meaning territorial army rather than teaching assistants. I don’t think teaching assistants have that much call for heavy weapons.

Depends what sort of school they teach in.

SWnewstart Mon 16-Nov-20 10:08:39

Does nobody remember the OFR? A thread which may be a classic. I had mine planned and packed in detail.

Brahumbug Mon 16-Nov-20 10:08:48

I am always thinking of apocalyptic survival situations. We are lucky as we have a selection of guns already as we are members of a shooting club and do a lot target shooting. I always fantasised that we should take over Castell Coch
in south Wales. It has a fully working drawbridge and portcullis and an internal well with a pump, plus I get to sleep in the Lord's spectacular bedroom. I reckon we could hold out for ages and see off zombies, triffids and Mad Max gangs. DH did point out that it is rather a long way and somebody would beat us to it, but I think we just need to be quick off the mark.

bilbodog Mon 16-Nov-20 10:13:54

We got a rescue dog last year as part of our zombie security plans but unfortunately she is sooo sweet i think she will try to make friends with them rather than tearing them limb from limb!!

Im finding it tricky keeping on top of my various stockpiles - brexit, pandemic and zombie - do people keep them all in the same place or have you got 3 different hiding places?

FortunesFavour Mon 16-Nov-20 10:15:59

I don’t worry about stockpiles bilbodog. I’m planning on going full Mad Max and I shall be the scourge of the land stealing everybody else’s stockpiles whilst resplendent in my studded leather outfit.

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movingonup20 Mon 16-Nov-20 10:18:02

I did have a proper plan when we lived in an earthquake and volcanic risk area pre mobile phones too. Not now, in the U.K. it's low risk

FortunesFavour Mon 16-Nov-20 10:20:05

A castle!! Excellent Brahumbug, even better than my plan to commandeer a military base.

You’re bang on the money about being quick off the mark too. Got to get to a safe place before everyone else cottons on. Personally I’m hot footing it to my nearest fortified bolthole at the first sign of isolated face biting report in my local news.

Or I’d nick a boat. I could see out Armageddon quite comfortably in a mega yacht.

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movingonup20 Mon 16-Nov-20 10:20:42

@bilbodog

My stockpile situation is out of control but always has been, i blame my nanna who told me never to let cupboards go bare in case of rationing! The good news is if I have to self isolate for a month we would be fine

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