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Would you apply for a job where your DH/P would be your manager

(89 Posts)
Allwhiteeverythin Thu 12-Nov-20 08:33:40

Directly reporting to them...

Weighing up pros and cons

Pros: I know him to be a good manager, reputation is very good. These positions don’t come up often.

Cons: will absolutely be gossip of nepotism, conflict at work spilling over into home life, difficult to integrate with team as boss is my partner

Am sure there are lots I’m missing. If you’ve been in this situation how did it work out?

OP’s posts: |
orangejuicer Thu 12-Nov-20 08:35:58

I wouldn't even contemplate it.

I met my DP at work. We were in different teams but you still 'bring' home work with you.

waltzingparrot Thu 12-Nov-20 08:40:23


I'm surprised that would even be allowed, at best bad practice.

Namechangedforthisoct2 Thu 12-Nov-20 08:41:06

I’d never consider it

gamerchick Thu 12-Nov-20 08:41:50

Nope. Husband wanted me to work for him and I said 'how can I come home and moan about my boss to you if you're my boss'

We binned the idea in case of divorce and that I knew he could be potentially harder on me to show everyone else there was no special treatment. He's a lovely man but I don't want to work for him.

It might have been a beautiful thing but... Nope.

Celticdawn5 Thu 12-Nov-20 08:43:18

No. For all the con’s you mention. There would be no respite at home from work.
I would be surprised that your employer would even contemplate having a married couple in that situation.
I met my husband at work. He worked on a different team. We would not have been allowed to work in the same team and some colleagues did not even realise we were married. We rarely even lunched together and because of children drop off’s didn’t always travel in to work together.

AlexaShutUp Thu 12-Nov-20 08:43:42


I briefly became my dh's line manager in a former organisation, following an internal restructure. We both left shortly afterwards. I would never do this again!!

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Thu 12-Nov-20 08:43:44

Certainly not - and I'd be surprised if the company even allowed it.

MandalaYogaTapestry Thu 12-Nov-20 08:45:36

Absolutely no way. I would not have my husband giving me orders and instructions.

ILiveInSalemsLot Thu 12-Nov-20 08:45:55

Absolutely not. It would likely affect the relationship. And not for the better.

FippertyGibbett Thu 12-Nov-20 08:46:09


Dddaddy Thu 12-Nov-20 08:46:39

No. And I don’t think would be allowed in most places.

Allwhiteeverythin Thu 12-Nov-20 08:46:53

That’s a very definite no then!

We already work for the same org, we aren’t married, it isn’t against company policy but he has already said he would recuse himself from the interview process. But I don’t see how it would work with appraisals etc, it feels very awkward.

He isn’t pushing for it but this role is one I have been waiting and working towards for 12 months. It just happens that it’s come up in his department

OP’s posts: |
BarbaraofSeville Thu 12-Nov-20 08:47:30

Most employers wouldn't allow that would they?

We've had a couple of incidences where couples have ended up in the same line management chain and things have been moved around to change this.

There's too much scope for problems either professionally or domestically.

Favourtism - expecting less, giving you the good jobs, avoiding the unpleasant ones or disciplinaries if this was needed.

If you have a falling out, spilling over into work.

RockingMyFiftiesNot Thu 12-Nov-20 08:48:16

Not a great idea for too many reasons to list.
As others have said, may not even be allowed.

Nanniss Thu 12-Nov-20 08:49:03

Hell no!

HeronLanyon Thu 12-Nov-20 08:49:40

I have worked before with a couple one of whom was senior management.
As an observer - they both found it difficult to have their own voice. When one spoke many felt they were hearing both. Others felt they couldn’t communicate effectively with the senior person - a feeling that things were shared to an extent that it was impossible to raise certain things.
Very difficult to navigate.
Not impossible.
Good luck if you do.

BarbaraofSeville Thu 12-Nov-20 08:49:44

But you shouldn't be prevented from taking the opportunity just because it's in his department.

Could you apply for the job and see what adjustments could be made if you got the role, to avoid problems - obviously it depends how your workplace is structured as to how this could be achieved, but it's hardly an unusual problem - a significant percentage of people meet their partner at work.

funkyfruitloops Thu 12-Nov-20 08:50:55

No sad and considering my skills are unique and best suited for DH’s team - it has impacted my career for years.

As the only place for me to work (in my county) is where DH works

Aaaaaand I’m best friends with the MD and I’d hate for him to become my boss as well.

StealthPolarBear Thu 12-Nov-20 08:51:07

No other than in a family business

TinyTear Thu 12-Nov-20 08:51:42

Hell no!

BigBlueHouseBear Thu 12-Nov-20 08:51:57

I wouldn't, although it's a pity if this type of role doesn't come up often.

Not quite the same, but I've recently started in a role where a really good friend of mine is the manager, although not mine, but the manager of everyone else. I know there's rumours I only got the job because of him (which isn't true) and I'm treated like a bit of an outsider and I feel the others are a bit wary of me (I live in hope I'll win them over wink) but I think with a husband/dp it would be much worse.

Would it be allowed? I know we had to declare our friendship during the application/interview process

Dozer Thu 12-Nov-20 08:53:21

No way! There are more cons than you’ve mentioned, some of which have been mentioned by PPs.

Unfortunate for you personally that due to your relationship it’d be unwise to apply for an otherwise good opportunity, but c’est la vie!

GCAcademic Thu 12-Nov-20 08:53:49

Absolutely not. No way.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Thu 12-Nov-20 08:56:29

If this is the right role, and it doesn't come up very often, and it's a big organisation with good HR, then I would apply anyway. Be very open about the situation and they might be able to do some sort of work-around. But be prepared not to get it or indeed not to accept it if they can't make it work.

It would be horrible. I mean, he's saying he'd recuse from your interview but actually he'd have to recuse from the whole process as he wouldn't be able to compare the rest of the candidates with the objective selection points you demonstrated at interview, I'd hate to have someone work for me that I didn't select.

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