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Daughter started period and didn't tell me

(13 Posts)
expatinspain Mon 02-Nov-20 10:33:56

Just wanted to ask for opinions on here and see if this is normal. DD (just 11) started her period this week and didn't say anything to me. DP was the one who found out when he was doing the washing.

I've always tried to have an honest relationship with her and we've talked about these things and I bought a book for her around a year ago when she started getting spots etc. I had a bad relationship with my mum and frequently had to be secretive as she wasn't approachable about anything, but I still told her! I'm wondering what I've done wrong as a mum that my DD wouldn't want to confide in me about such a big event in her life. Maybe I'm overthinking it and this is normal, I don't know.

She dealt with things well and helped herself to sanitary towels and basically got on with it. When I talked to her about it she said she was embarrassed and nervous because she didn't want to wear tampons (not sure where she got that from as that's never anything I've said she should do!).

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implantsandaDyson Mon 02-Nov-20 10:42:16

You haven't done anything wrong, it's not about you at the minute. She felt embarrassed, she dealt with it. I have 3 daughters, my eldest would tell you anything and everything, there's not a thought in her head she doesn't verbalize- she's 15. My next one is 13, she's private . She told me a few days after her first period started. I didn't take it personally, it's her body, periods etc. She's a bit more comfortable talking about it now. I make sure they always have pads, my older one uses tampons the odd time, the 13 year old regards them with trepidation, they know to take painkillers, make sure they always have extra stuff in their schoolbag and use an app to track them.
It wasn't a big moment in my daughters lives, it was a painful inconvenience that they deal with.

expatinspain Mon 02-Nov-20 10:44:54

I guess if she would have been a bit older, I probably wouldn't have questioned it. It's because she's still in primary and only turned 11 last week! It's fairly early to have a period and none of her friends have gone through it yet. She is quite private though and possibly more mature than she comes across or than many kids are at her age.

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Ginorwine30 Mon 02-Nov-20 10:47:44

It’s nothing you’ve done wrong, she just didn’t want to say as she felt embarrassed. I have a really good relationship with my mom but I still didn’t tell her when I started my period at 13. I felt awkward and embarrassed about it, it sounds silly now but at the time I hated it and wanted to keep it to myself. Regardless of how close you are, some girls just don’t like to tell their mom when they start their period. It’s great that you prepares her for it though.

fastandthecurious Mon 02-Nov-20 10:49:11

I'm one of 3 sisters. 2 of us are very open with our mums and like pp said will just verbalise any thought that comes into our head. Both told mum immediately. The other sister is much more private about things like that especially, didn't tell my mum and mum only realised when there were more tampons/pads missing than usual in the house. Private sister was only 10 when she started her periods too, think she was just embarrassed.

user1488979639 Mon 02-Nov-20 10:49:42

My daughter didn’t tell me either and she was only 11 too. She just got on with things and I only found out from her sister. I think it was a combination of being private but also not wanting me to fuss!

expatinspain Mon 02-Nov-20 10:52:35

Glad to see from the responses that this is pretty normal! Thank you 😊

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implantsandaDyson Mon 02-Nov-20 10:55:01

My second one started hers at 11, she was in her last year at primary, I remember at the time thinking it would be easier for her in secondary school but a few of her friends started within a few months or so, they all just got on with it. It seemed to me at least that they were all a bit more "savvy" than we were (I'm in my forties). I did buy a huge variety of pads for them to try until they expressed a preference, one likes wings, one doesn't etc.

I do remember thinking it would be a much bigger deal than it was, a few months after the first period they found their groove so to speak. I get more questions and asking for advice now that they're settled a bit. First the first few months both of them just wanted to get it over with.

AriettyHomily Mon 02-Nov-20 10:57:57

I didn't tell my mum either, I just didn't want a fuss about it.

OnTheBenchOfDoom Mon 02-Nov-20 10:58:10

Please tell her teacher as discreetly as possible. If you can hand him/her a note. As staff it helps if we understand someone may not feel their best and may need a bit of extra TLC with time out of the classroom. I am just a volunteer but have some children who come out of class to sit in a central year group area.

We also know that they may need to visit the toilet more often and made need to take calpol. The school will have its own policy on medicines.

For school, a change of whatever she usually wears on her bottom half from knickers, skirts, tights, trousers, socks in a bag in her locker or her school bag so she can get changed if necessary. She may also need to know where the school keeps spare sanitary towels.

She sounds very sensible and some children are absolutely mortified by starting their periods.

BertieBloopsMum Mon 02-Nov-20 10:59:26

You've done nothing wrong - you've given her the space and confidence to deal with it herself.

Jellycatspyjamas Mon 02-Nov-20 11:06:40

She dealt with things well and helped herself to sanitary towels and basically got on with it.

That suggests to me you’ve done your job well - she knew what was happening, wasn’t anxious about it and knew how to take care of herself. That’s a huge parenting win in my book.

expatinspain Mon 02-Nov-20 11:18:41

Thank you everyone! Being an only child and having a toxic mum paired with only having one child myself, I sometime probably overthink things and get paranoid. Thank goodness for MN 👏🏻👏🏻

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