Counselling VS CBT - which one do i go for?

[Whattherapy2020]

Hi All

Im having a hard time lately. Lots going on and Im struggling with it all. I finally reached out to my DR and have a referral. I have been asked if I need Counselling or CBT. Does anyone have experiences about which method helped them move forward?.

Along with lots of other people I have struggled with Covid. The kids moved back home after moving out a few years ago, one child with no exams and the struggle there, and a bereavement along the way. Everyone being at home when I was used to lots of time and space to deal with things in my own way and own space have hit me hard and brought up lots of issues from my past.

I am a massive people pleaser. So much so I have no idea who I am anymore as I've always tried to be what others want me to be. Now that the kids are leaving home-although they are still here right now- and I am not needed as a parent anymore - DH works away a lot so I've been the go to parent over the years but no one needs me anymore. So I don't know my purpose. I have been a SAHM mum for the past 10 years and financially dont need to work although I think i will need to for my own sanity. But I don't know what to do - and that s a whole other thread.This loss of identity has hit me so hard that I just dont want to be here anymore. I am suicidal as I feel I have fulfilled my purpose to raise my kids and just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I thought I would never do anything about it but I have taken lots of pills recently and felt it was ok if I did not wake up - BUT I did!!

I have always felt worthless, my crappy family have always made me feel that way and do not waste any opportunity to have a dig at my expense. Some things are worse than that and they have really tried to screw me over. I always though family was everything and deluded myself to who they really are. This now makes me feel very stupid indeed and how I could have been so idiotic to have fallen for their crap over the years. It all ties into the being worthless and how i feel they must have been right to call me that over the years as I could not see them for they really are.

My children are amazing and DH is lovely. If I was not here they would not have to deal with them at all, as they don't like them and want nothing to do with them. So its all my fault again that DH and DC have such horrible people in their lives.

I don't know how to move forward and honestly think I will do something if I can't find away out of this. Referral has helped but I don't know which strategy would help me most.

I think I would like some strategies to help me find who I am, so I don't see myself as an extension of my family anymore. Not sure if that makes sense. Or should I be working on quieting my inner voice that tells me i'm worthless and find coping mechanisms.

Thank you for reading. Any advice welcome. Or recommendations for books to read to help me sort myself out.

[InTheFamilyTree]

Perhaps you could read up a bit about each one and then see which appeals? Cbt involves homework type tasks, in counselling the quality of the relationship with the therapist is the main agent of therapeutic change, and as counselling is relational it is useful for working on issues in relationships (with oneself as well as with other people).

[jessstan1]

I think it should be counselling for you. CBT is a quick fix for an acute situation but you have issues that need exploring so will take longer.

[Duvetstay]

I'm in a similar but different position. I did half of my CBT course and ended up being referred for therapy as they thought it would be more effective.

I'd go for the therapy if I were you.

CBT better for a specific thing (eg social anxiety) but does not give you much opportunity to discuss childhood etc. It sounds like you have a few things going on as well as past issues so I'd start with the therapy.

Hope you get sorted, you sound lovely and things are especially tough atm.

[Feedingthebirds1]

Counselling (person centred therapy) would be better than CBT. CBT deals a lot with changing how you think and behave in the here and now, often with very little exploration of how you got there. PCT takes time, it's not a quick fix, but it allows you to really unpick your past and understand how it has affected you.

I have always felt worthless, my crappy family have always made me feel that way and do not waste any opportunity to have a dig at my expense. Some things are worse than that and they have really tried to screw me over. I always though family was everything and deluded myself to who they really are. This now makes me feel very stupid indeed and how I could have been so idiotic to have fallen for their crap over the years. It all ties into the being worthless and how i feel they must have been right to call me that over the years as I could not see them for they really are.

I think I would like some strategies to help me find who I am, so I don't see myself as an extension of my family anymore. Not sure if that makes sense. Or should I be working on quieting my inner voice that tells me i'm worthless and find coping mechanisms.

PCT's principles deal with exactly those issues. This is a good summary of PCT. Long enough to actually give a good understanding of what PCT does, but easy to read.

[Didntgetmydiamondring]

Maybe I’ve just had rubbish counselling. I didn’t feel any benefit of sitting talking to someone who couldn’t offer any way for me to change either my situation or feelings.
CBT gives you the tools to change the way you process and react to things, although the 12 weeks maximum I was offered wasn’t really long enough for a huge change, I did find it useful.

[Whattherapy2020]

Thank you all so much for the replies and links. Have to rush off to make dinner but will read and digest a little later

[Whattherapy2020]

I truly appreciate everyone taking the time to reply.

[Stompythedinosaur]

I would always pick CBT, it has a much better evidence base. Therapists delivering CBT will be more highly qualified than counsellors.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

Therapists delivering CBT will be more highly qualified than counsellors.

That’s not true, neither are protected titles and so there is no baseline qualification so you could have someone who did a week long top up in CBT practicing as a CBT therapist.

[Stompythedinosaur]

While i take your point jellycat about not being protected titles, any CBT therapist that the NHS is referring too will have a lot more than a week long course. I would expect to see someone with a previous healthcare qualification e.g. a nurse who has undertaken an additional therapy qualification.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

I’d expect that too but of both CBT therapists and counsellors in the NHS, both would be expected to have a post grad qualification in whichever discipline and the counsellor would be accredited by their membership body. There are many CBT therapists in the NHS who have a stand alone therapy qualification, usually at degree or diploma level, there are many counsellors in the NHS who are also qualified nurses, social workers etc.

My point is, if you’re looking for counselling or CBT in the NHS both practitioners will be well qualified.