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Something to make you smile...(12 Posts)
Stolen from FB but it made me laugh so I thought I would share the joy!
A timeline of the Shitshow so far...
Everything's fine. China has a cold, probably man flu or some shit. 🤧
"2020 is MY year!" - you can keep it Karen ya mad cow.
Fucking hell China...
This is why we don't eat things that still have fucking plans for tomorrow.
Best of luck to you though.🦮🐕🐄🐪🐮🐯🐩
Pffft....It's probably not that bad. The news likes to over dramatise everything.
Boris has it under control. We'll just ignore the fact he doesnt seem to know what a hairbrush is and has the IQ of a fucking chewed up crayon. WE ARE GOOD!🖍🖍
Wait a sec...Where's all the bread gone??
Whys McDonaldss taped up like a murder scene?!
We should wear masks now Boris? Yes?... Boris?....No?? Boris??!🍔🍟🍞
Our pensioners are given 3-5 working days to live.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DORIS STAY INDOORS!
Popping to your local CO-OP is bloody a death sentence so stop shuffling round 52 times a day looking for flour.
THERE'S NO FUCKING FLOUR DORIS!
Erm...Can I have some toilet roll please? 💩
Let's all make masks out the cups of our bras and hoard obscene amounts of bog roll like we're going to build a fucking house with it. I swear they said this Bat Flu gives you a runny nose and not a runny bum 🤔
FUCK OFF JOE WICKS I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!
I'm rated "Piss poor and drunk" by Ofsted and the kids are surviving on custard creams and the tears of my misspent youth.
ENTER Dominic Cummings Stage right:
"let's go on a jolly little road trip and ignore all the rules, and whilst I'm at it I'll check my eyesight on the fucking motorway".
No repercussions WHATSOEVER.
You go and see ya Ma though and see what happens. COCKWOMBLE.
Joe Exotic is elected King of the world and the entire human race trolls Carole fuckin' Baskin - killed her husband, whacked him (See TikTok for choreography)
SEND HELP 😣
April was eleventyfourthousand
Half of us are now Gin soaked hermets who only crawl out on a Thursday evening to clap for a few minutes.🍻🥂
Boris says we've to go to work. But not go to work. But if we can't work we should definitely go to work. Only don't go by bus... or car.. or any public transport.
LETS ALL SPROUT SOME FUCKING WINGS AND FLYYYYY.
Shops, zoos and theme parks reopen.
We spend most of this month in the queue for McDonalds with Linda and her entire extended family and the rest of the month cramming ourselves into Primark.
Still can't go see our Mums...😤
And no masks.😷
No one remembers anything else.. we're all fucking shitfaced and our kids are beyond feral.
Masks now though yes? No?
Actually... yes. 😷✅
Yes. But not till the 24th.
Are we safe till the 24th??
Has the virus been fuckin furloughed till then Boris?!
Where the actual fuckity fuck did August go? Did Boris tax it?
When the schools FINALLY opened we all thought we'd be hoofin the kids over the school fence with a pocket full of cheerios at the arse crack of Dawn.
But in actual fact we're gutted. And so grateful for all the extra time and memories we've made.
So thanks for that Lockdown. Fair play, Thank You 🙏🏼✌🏼
Not you though Boris.
You're still a fucking melt.
October: lockdown, yes no? Andy burnham stands up to Boris the cockwomble and becomes king of the North like a mad episode of ‘game of thrones’. Winter is coming 🥶
Kirstin Beattie - Sweary wee me is the lady we need to thank for this 👌
It’ll all end in tiers 😂
It's not very well written, the lack of finesse detracts from the humour.
It reads like it was written by someone trying too hard with too little source material.
They haven't mastered nuance, just a sledgehammer, headline reading, outlook, so they can't recast what they know with the subtlety need to make humour work.
There are much better, genuinely funny examples out there.
Is that supposed to be funny? 🤔
@lughnasadh agreed !! Just a mish mash of words with some swear words thrown in. I can't bear these sorts of posts on Facebook, people thinking they're funny !
You can always just scroll on by if you don't like it!
Perhaps those who don't like it can do a better one, I'll make a brew while I wait shall I.
Who wrote it a 14 year old ??!
PPs moaning about the 'lack of finesse' - doesn't that sum up 2020, Boris, and indeed the public in a nutshell? We have lurched from one thing to the next like a drunk bull in a china shop
I liked it OP.
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