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Has anyone ever made drastic changes to save their mental and physical health?

(33 Posts)
Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 12:11:18

I am really struggling at the moment. I am stuck in a job I hate and which adversely affects my mental and physical health. My children are now at university and so I no longer feel as tied to this area.
I would like to sell up and move somewhere that I could buy a home outright with a little extra to live on whilst I recover and revaluate my life. My maximum budget would be up to £200000 and that would leave me enough to live on for up to a year. I’m currently looking at Cumbria or North Yorkshire.
What do you think? Has anyone ever done anything similar? Did it work out? Do you think I would regret it and end up in an even worse position?

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Trufflesr Thu 29-Oct-20 12:22:33

I would do it but make sure it is not such a huge change that there’s not things you would miss. Are you moving from a city for instance to somewhere remote? If so I would be careful and maybe not make such a huge jump. That said, the lakes are beautiful. I’ve never done anything like it but I did know someone who moved right to the south of England from Leeds and she absolutely loves it. She also moved because life was getting too much and she wasnt coping. Worked for her.

Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 12:30:05

Thank you. I live in the South East but I don’t go out much apart from to work and I have most of my shopping delivered. I’m not sure there is anything here I would miss - although it is where I have spent most of my life. I would love to live somewhere with great walks on my doorstep but not too remote. Not sure if I can realistically find that on my budget.

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Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 12:33:08

I worry if I will ever work again if I move. If I took this step I would never want to return to my current line of work. If I didn’t have a mortgage to worry about then I hope I could find a little job that would give me enough to live on.

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Trufflesr Thu 29-Oct-20 12:33:32

With 200k I think you would find somewhere in the north, especially the Lake District. You might find when you put your house up for sale that you suddenly know for sure if it’s something you want to do as it will feel more real?

Other than doing that, could you change jobs as a fresh start?

Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 12:46:18

I need my current salary to live where I am which is partly what has led to this ‘trapped’ feeling. I am old and not qualified to do anything else. This week I just keep thinking if I died tomorrow my life would have been pretty miserable apart from my lovely children. I’m searching for some happiness before it’s too late. Is this how to find it? I’ve no idea but I know I can’t carry on the way I am.

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Hariborocks Thu 29-Oct-20 12:52:59

You can do it OP. It's never too late to find happiness in life. Right now your life has led you up to this point to find whatever it is that will make you happy - we don't get a second chance in life!

Thingsarel00kingup Thu 29-Oct-20 12:54:31

I moved from the SE to Yorkshire after my divorce. We were only in the SE due to ex-husband's career and I'd always wanted to move away. Didn't mind where and holidayed in Yorkshire a few times abs just fell in love with the scenery and friendlier people. Or people who seemed more interested in stopping to chat! In the SE my experience was that a lot of people were just too busy or not interested in idle chit-chat.

No regrets at all although I do miss the wider family (but with all that's happened this year you could be in the next town and not seeing them!).

No real regrets.... it's not as warm in summer, it's a lot colder in winter and it is A LONG drive back to visit. That's about all. People are friendlier (IMO), there's far more green space and houses are a lot cheaper while salaries seem the same or similar.

However, the brutal reality is I could never afford to move back, unless I rented (wouldn't get a mortgage, so couldn't plug the gap, your circumstances might be very different). This worries me for when I'm a lot older, I fear I will be quite isolated.

Dozer Thu 29-Oct-20 13:03:25

What age are you now, what’s your pension provision like, and at what age will you be able to draw on any private pension?

Wouldn’t sell up / do drastic things with no job to go to. £200k (minus housing costs) isn’t enough for a long retirement, even in a cheaper part of the UK.

Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 13:08:34

Thank you Hariborocks your post has made me well up! So interesting to hear your views Thingsarel00kingup . This would definitely be a one way move. I couldn’t afford to move back. I have no real friends or family here so I don’t think I could be anymore isolated elsewhere. I don’t know. I feel as if time is running out.

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Dozer Thu 29-Oct-20 13:09:41

Have you sought help for your MH? Eg private counselling. If not would make sense to do that.

Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 13:11:42

I am mid 50s. The 200 would be just for housing. That should leave 35 to 40 to keep me going whilst I get back on my feet mentally and physically. I could end up finding no work in the future which could make life difficult ☹️

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Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 13:14:22

I am looking for counselling at the moment and I have had a lot of counselling in the past. Ultimately I think things in my life need to change for me to fully recover. My job has always been a huge source of stress but felt I had to keep going - don’t know how much longer I can now🙁.

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Dozer Thu 29-Oct-20 13:22:54

Suggest doing some financial and work optoons analysis. Eg if you’re due any occupational pension at, say, 65, whether:how leaving your current role now vs 2 years, 5 years etc would affect your pension pot.

Recognise that feeling stuck in a job you dislike can be v difficult. But financial difficulties, which seem a high risk if you move and then can’t find work, are too. If you live to be, say, 80, you’ve 25 years still to fund.

Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 13:31:25

Thank you everyone so many good points and food for thought. I could claim a small pension at 60 approximately £11000 and a small lump sum. Then obviously the state pension at 67. Not a fortune by any means but hopefully enough to survive. I’m not sure I’ll see 60 if I have to carry on.

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Love51 Thu 29-Oct-20 15:48:40

Think about future proofing your home. If you want to live there forever, think that there may come a time when you can't drive for health reasons, so perhaps you want to be walkable to a shop, or near a town with a train station. If you are moving somewhere that you have no support network, look to make one asap.

Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 16:21:17

I am currently looking at Swansea. It came up on a google search as a place to look at. It would be half way between my children. Depending on what I could find - might be near the beach. Good advice Love51 as I get older I need to ensure amenities are accessible. Not sure about building up a support network. I haven’t managed where I currently live in spite of my best efforts 🙁.

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HeronLanyon Thu 29-Oct-20 16:27:03

I am considering making similar change after losing a lot of enthusiasm for job i do.
I wanted to hand notice in / retire early / volunteer for redundancy - combo of those things possible in various roles.
Actually looked seriously for property in the part of the U.K. I have significant links with and want to move to. Both to buy and rent first to check it out.

What I found after a few days of doing research - mostly financial - I feel so much better knowing it is possible. Feel less trapped. Feel happier with where I am for a bit !! Have already loosened the ties.

Summerhillsquare Thu 29-Oct-20 16:36:45

I bought a wreck in a nice modest town in the north east for 80k, spent 40k on an energy efficient refurbishment, and now have no heating or power bills. Large garden where I grow my own, short walk to shops etc

So yes, it's possible to live well and cheaply, if you move north!

BobbinThreadbare123 Thu 29-Oct-20 16:40:34

I can recommend the Lakes for living. Yes, it's wet but it's not as cold as people think. It's so beautiful to live here and the scenery looks different every day. The Herdwick sheep are cute! I'm an incomer. Once Cumbrians get to know you, they're solid friends.

Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 16:41:20

That is such a good point HeronLanyon. Just looking today at what might be possible has resulted in a shift (all be it very small!) in how I am feeling.

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user1471538283 Thu 29-Oct-20 16:42:42

Oh my goodness do it! I would love to leave where we are and I still might. Would you be able to rent or Airbnb to get a feel before selling up!

PersonaNonGarter Thu 29-Oct-20 16:43:14

Counselling is cheaper than moving house and will give you an opportunity to feel confident in the decisions you make.

madcatladyforever Thu 29-Oct-20 16:45:00

Yes I've done it, after a terrible year of tragedy including the death of one of my beloved cats, my husband dumping me after 20 years of marriage, the death of two of my best friends and an awful boss who micro managed me to insanity I just thought fuck it, sold up and moved to the west country.
I was able to get a bigger house for £50k less leaving me with only a tiny mortgage and got the same salaried job in the NHS as I had before.
Best thing I ever did leaving all the misery and trauma behind.

Haveilosttheplothistime Thu 29-Oct-20 16:46:55

Brilliant BobbinThreadbare123 and Summerhillsquare I’m so pleased to hear that your moves worked out. That sounds amazing Summerhillssquare. How long ago was your move?

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