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Would this comment from dp upset you?

(13 Posts)
hollywoodhills Thu 29-Oct-20 07:15:52

Last week we bumped into an old friend of dp.
She was a tall, blonde attractive woman.

They got chatting and after we left dp said. I feel bad for her, she used to be really gorgeous.

Now two things upset me. She clearly was an attractive woman but I know that dp was referring to acne/ rash that she had on her face. He is saying that because she has the skin problems she is no longer gorgeous.

Also and more personally, dp has never once said I was gorgeous. Even when we first got together. I'm also opposite to her looks wise and after having children, I feel anything but gorgeous with my body.

Would this have upset you?

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Thu 29-Oct-20 07:21:00

Two separate issues. First, nope. Second, depends on whether or not he routinely compliments other people, and how gorgeous he makes you feel.

GeorginaTheGiant Thu 29-Oct-20 07:21:10

I’d think he was horrible to say something like that about her and it would absolutely affect my opinion of him as a person.

KurriKawari Thu 29-Oct-20 07:21:31

No.

SoVeryQuiet Thu 29-Oct-20 07:38:21

Yes. It would bother me.

It would upset me that he measures a woman's attraction, value and worth in terms of their physical appearance.

I dumped someone once who was very complimentary to me but made a horrible, uncalled for observation about a woman about 15 years older than us who was just going about her business but had the nerve to not be pleasing to his eye.

Unfortunately, though, you are also doing the same thing. You are upset because he referred to her as gorgeous but not you and so are measuring your own worth in terms of your appearance.

Which is sad but understandable that's misogyny for you. I've never met a man who was in the slightest bit bothered whether I thought he was 'gorgeous' or not.

madcatladyforever Thu 29-Oct-20 07:44:59

* I've never met a man who was in the slightest bit bothered whether I thought he was 'gorgeous' or not*.

Me neither, I've been asked out by some right gargoyles and they always seem astonished when I say no.

saraclara Thu 29-Oct-20 07:48:25

madcatladyforever

* I've never met a man who was in the slightest bit bothered whether I thought he was 'gorgeous' or not*.

Me neither, I've been asked out by some right gargoyles and they always seem astonished when I say no.

So you measure THEM by their looks and don't go out with "gargoyles"? Yet criticise men for mentioning women's looks?

saraclara Thu 29-Oct-20 07:51:35

They got chatting and after we left dp said. I feel bad for her, she used to be really gorgeous.

I don't know why you need to overthink that. If one of your women friends said that about a friend who'd developed a nasty skin condition, would you read anything into it? I think it's a perfectly normal thing to say, whether one's gender. .

Lifeisabeach09 Thu 29-Oct-20 07:56:24

I've never met a man who was in the slightest bit bothered whether I thought he was 'gorgeous' or not.

Yep. This is becoming my mantra--I'm going to impart this to my pre-teen DD.

THisbackwithavengeance Thu 29-Oct-20 08:14:53

Ok. The gorgeous comment when said in public to a group would be mean spirited but a private observation to your partner is different.

My DH and I will often comment about other people, just observations. We could be watching The Chase or discussing work colleagues and we will say something about so and so being attractive but a bit thin/fat etc. It's not meant derogatorily and I certainly wouldn't discuss people's personal attributes in company or with anyone other than my DH.

But yes, it's nice if your DP says you are gorgeous. My DH tells me all the time that I am he's lying but my XH and other DPs have not said anything but that was just their way. So it doesn't necessarily mean anything negative and I wouldn't worry.

Ohdear2020 Thu 29-Oct-20 08:19:34

He clearly thinks you’re gorgeous op or he wouldn’t have married you. Does he make you feel gorgeous?

If you want him to say it more often say that’s what you like. Compliments are a habit I think. Plenty of men don’t start saying them because they don’t realise their partners like them.

Slightly dickish of him to say that about the woman but I can imagine myself saying the same thing if I’m honest (out of earshot of course). Maybe I’m a bitch?

Mylittlepony374 Thu 29-Oct-20 08:21:05

I hate it when anyone, man or wom, makes comments about another person's attractiveness/supposed lack of. If my husband had said that I would've likely asked him who the fuck he thinks he is to be making comments like that.
With regards to him never calling you gorgeous, that wouldn't bother me in the least. I know I'm not gorgeous by any traditional standard so would feel false if my husband said I was. It's more important time that he makes me feel loved, secure, and supported.

Ohdear2020 Thu 29-Oct-20 08:22:23

I also think this isn’t necessarily a gender thing. My dp loves it when I compliment him on how he looks and is always trying to keep in shape. He’s not very vain at all. Same with me really. I think it’s human nature to like to look nice (not that I succeed particularly with a small baby) and for it to be noticed.

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