This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
House is overwhelming me(13 Posts)
I love my house. I am 32 and have owned my own home for 2 years now. I’m a sole occupant and did it alone. I love the area, my neighbours, the house itself. But lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. I’m starting to see things that are annoying me, like marks in the paintwork, scratches on things, just general wear and tear on the house that I don’t like. I am exceptionally clean but have lately been comparing what I have to the fabulous things other people have on social media. Like Mrs Hinch’s fantastically spotless house and it is getting me down and overwhelming me about keeping my house to that standard. I know it sounds silly but I’m seeing small things of general wear and tear and it’s really bothering me. My house isn’t a new build (I wish I could afford that) but it is nice and the best that I can make it. Just there always seems to be something that needs done (or redone).
Is it strange to feel this overwhelmed about a house? There are things that need done but not immediately but they are really getting to me. Everyone tells me my house is so lovely, modern and homely (and clean) so I’m not sure if I’m being too hard on myself but it’s making me anxious
This is me it makes me cry! I don't have social media other than mn as l can't cope. Also 6 of us live here it isn't going to be immaculate I've had dh change all the window sills today to plastic covers because I couldn't stand the marks in the paint where I've once had a picture etc. My gloss cupboards in the kitchen have scratches and the sun shining in is making all the windows have smears and the hallway which has just been done has marks on the skirting boards and t he shower screen is grubby and I havnt paired t the socks and the grout in the tiling is dirty and it's only me that cleans or feels like this and my family don't care etc seriously typing this like a mad person!! Then I think about it all and it's crazy because it's a home and it's lived in
I forgot to add aaaaarrrrrrrrggggggg
I think you have to accept that once you have a house there will always be something that needs doing, even if you think everything is perfect then something else will pop up!
Being all psychological do you strive for perfection in other areas of your life and your house is a reflection of that?
Ignore mrs hinch and all those who put stuff like that online, it's not realistic or achievable.
Not many people post the bad shit online.
You might see a photo of a spotless new build, but you don't see the builders snagging list or the price list of all the "little" extras they add on, or how many things they've shoved out of shot before filming their insta story!
Living in a constantly spotless house is not achievable or realistic.
I think it's a sign of a well loved and loved in house that little jobs often need doing. Scuff marks need repainted because your DS always kicks his shoes off in the same place against the wall or a stain on the sofa from the time you eventually sat down with a cuppa and someone rang the doorbell and interrupted your 30 seconds of peace!
I don't mean it to sound patronising, but don't let the overwhelming feeling take over and not let you enjoy living in your beautiful home.
I think anything can start feeling overwhelming when you start to feel that it has to be perfect, as that is (usually) not a realistic goal. What helps me with this feeling is focusing on getting just one area of the house to feel how I want it to/ keeping it really nice - in my case one side of the bedroom - and using it as my “sanctuary”. I find if I can really relax and appreciate my surroundings there, the rest doesn't seem so bad. You could also try taking good pictures of different parts of your house so you can see it through your friends eyes and appreciate he good bits - as you usually can’t see small imperfections in photos - might give you a different perspective.
I can relate. I had my house renovated ten years ago, but to me it's still new and any damage causes me almost physical pain. But I find it affects me worse when I'm a bit depressed or have been sick. Everything will suddenly seem dirty and awful and I'll feel overwhelmed.
I try to step back and look at it rationally. Nobody's house is perfectly clean. Some look clean but are actually dirty if you look under the surface. And wear and tear happens. It's ok! Imperfection is real and beautiful.
I haven't been able to clean lately and my house is also chaotic because of a big declutter and building work, combined with the arrival of a new cat stressing my old cat out to the point she sprayed my whole living room with pee. Then my back went out and I could barely move around the boxes for a couple weeks.
My coping strategy is to tidy and clean what I can each day. It gives me a feeling of control. Also touching up the paint if you can is a quick way to make things feel fresh and clean.
Upping my dose of ADs also helps....
Thanks for all that replies everyone, you’ve really helped my anxiety. I do feel pressure to have an immaculate house. The pressure comes probably from my mum who is a neat and clean freak and I worry about other peoples opinions of my house, rather than enjoy it I’m always looking at the negatives that need fixing or what looks a bit grubby. I wish I had the money to have a brand new house but this type of house will again become ‘lived in’
Try to remember that your house and possessions do not represent who you are.
My neighbours house is, she thinks, perfect. Its her obsession, she has had three new complete kitchens in 12 years, all furniture is new and immaculate. The current colour scheme is grey everything (50 shades, LOL) . There is not a single ornament, book, plant, vase, picture, no pets of course;it's totally impersonal , no soul or character. Her only topic of conversation is housework , which has a fixed daily rota sometimes she'll combine the bathroom with the ironing and tell me she's multitasking.
Houses become homes when they are lived in. And 'living' makes inevitable future work. I have a really small, ill ventilated kitchen but I'm not going to stop cooking! I just accept it needs an annual paint job. Try to get into the mind set that there will always be a little (or bigger) job that will need doing! Right now my garden is causing me stress. Every time it stops raining I am busy, but I know it will get done and tidied.
You won't notice the things that need doing if you go out and do something else. I'm like you, I get anxious about windows that need cleaning and beds that need straightening. It can get out of hand if I'm home too often. Teach yourself to go out, focus on achieving something tangible, something you can be proud of. Having an orderly home is a foundation for a productive life, but a clean house is not an achievement in and of itself.
Wow I could have written this myself. honestly I go round the house looking at marks and like you say little imperfections or things that need changing/ replacing and I spend so much time thinking about it. I spend a lot of time cleaning like I'm hoping I can clean these imperfections away which I obviously can't.
it probably doesn't help that I spend a lot of time on the house due to kids being at school and me part time, it defiantly makes my anxiety worse. If I've being away on holiday my house always feels so cosy and lovely when I get home. I wish I could feel like that all the time.
Please login first.