Transgender kids...

[PleaseHelpMeUnderstand]

I have NC because I feel I might get slated for even asking questions. I admit I need educating and would appreciate supportive answers.

DD is 13YO and goes to an all girl school. Two of the girls in her class now identify as male, and she is best friends with both. DD said over a year ago that she is gay, and she is part of a friendship group with the two transgender boys and a couple other girls who identify as pansexual/ gay... they all go to the school's lgbt club, wear pins, stickers, etc.

DD is having a sleepover at ours with the two transgender boys. My DS posed a question, in a sort of tongue in cheek manner, but it got me thinking.

When DS was 13 (he's 15 now), he had a close female friend (he still has, just friendship) who came to stay for two three nights at a time in the holidays. They'd spend the whole day together but then the female friend would sleep in the spare bedroom. Male friends could sleep with my DS in his room.

So DS asked, if his female friend had to sleep in a different room, how come my DD's friends, who identify as a different gender, didn't? So we posed the question to DD and she said, bearing in mind she's gay, does that mean she shouldn't sleep in the same bedroom with her female friends, which she does?

What does everyone think?

[Disillusionedsusan]

I get that it's tongue and cheek but still think it's worth pondering. And I also wonder why the boys are still at an all girls' school, when will they transfer?

[grool]

You could tell your son that sleeping arrangements are split by sex not gender?

[grool]

Also how do you feel with her sleeping in the same room as her female friends? I get it's the same as your son nlt being able to sleep in the same room as his female friend, but it does feel like a slightly different situation with it involving females. Maybe because at least if they are having sex then at least you know there's no chance of pregnancy?

[PleaseHelpMeUnderstand]

@Disillusionedsusan, the kids will not transfer. Even though they identify as male now, I think the general consensus from parents and school is that they're too young and things might change. I do realise this can be very offensive to some people; my own DD gets very upset if I even suggest that at this age things can change. We know of another two transgender boys who transitioned in primary school, and they have joined mixed sex schools.

@grool, yes, absolutely.

[PleaseHelpMeUnderstand]

@grool the thought of her having sex at 13yo is worrying, whether it is with males or females!!

[Trixie18]

Personally I think sleeping arrangements etc should be separated by sex not gender identity.

[grool]

@PleaseHelpMeUnderdstand oh god, sorry I didn't pay much attention for some reason I thought your DD was 16! Yes probably not as much need to be concerned about it from that angle just yet!

[PleaseHelpMeUnderstand]

@grool

[theamplifier]

To be honest, I think my fears around young couples having sex relates directly to the threat of unplanned pregnancy. I would be far less concerned about my daughter sleeping over with girls who identify as boys.

[TheRogueApostrophe]

I agree that I'd separate by sex not gender. So if dd had a friend who was male but identified as female, I'd have them in separate rooms.

[PleaseHelpMeUnderstand]

@TheRogueApostrophe, I agree. For the sake of argument and to continue the conversation I said this to DD. She seemed offended that I would assume a transgender woman would automatically have bad intentions. That's not what was implying at all.

Then I asked about sports, the Olympics for example; would it be fair for biological women who have trained for years to be made to compete against a transgender woman who biologically is male.

This got me into muddy waters and in the end I exited the conversation feeling that my DD sees me as transphobic.

[Karwomannghia]

My ds is gay but has had sleepovers since he said at 13 with his group of friends that are 1 other gay boy and 2 girls. They all slept in the same room, got changed in the bathroom. Obviously if one of the girls had wanted to sleep separately I would have accommodated that. So I think you just have to take each situation as it occurs.