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DD's teacher has died.

(29 Posts)
SenoritaEspanola Mon 26-Oct-20 13:13:23

It's very sad, she was such a lovely lady. She'd been battling cancer for a couple of years but passed away this weekend.

My question is - what is the best thing to say/give to her family? They'll be getting a flood of condolence cards I imagine, she was an excellent and very popular teacher. She has two older daughters and my dds and I would like to send them something but I have no idea what would be best. Any thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
Armi Mon 26-Oct-20 13:17:33

I would say just send a card for now, saying how you felt about her and how sorry you are she has died. The family will be dealing with their own grief and may not welcome being inundated with flowers etc, no matter how well meaning. The cards can be kept and looked at again.

RunningFromWaterGhoul Mon 26-Oct-20 13:18:04

Will the school be coordinating something? I would honestly just stick to that if they are, unless you have a relationship with the family outside of school.

hiredandsqueak Mon 26-Oct-20 13:35:12

When ds's 1 to 1 TA died we sent a card to her family. In it I wrote about memories of the TA that we held dear that her family might not have known about because they happened at school with ds.
We were invited to attend her funeral and her daughter said she had loved reading other people's memories of her mum so it seemed to have been the right thing to do.

TabbyStar Mon 26-Oct-20 13:41:46

When my DF died last year I really liked reading what he had meant to other people, so I agree with this in a card. And then maybe a charity donation when this is organised - I liked people donating more than getting presents because it also felt it was valuing my DF too.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee Mon 26-Oct-20 13:44:09

A card would be nice and then see of school are coordinating something to remember her by. You could, if you have time, offer to coordinate this as that will be appreciated by the staff who have lost a friend and colleague.
Our school has a lovely stone bench to remember a staff member

BertieBotts Mon 26-Oct-20 13:45:38

Write a memory of her in the card. Wait and see whether the family are asking for donations to anywhere auch as a hospice which cared for her or a cancer research charity.

Terrace58 Mon 26-Oct-20 13:46:17

Cards really are fine, especially ones made by the kids.

If you want to include something more, you could include a gift card for a local place that delivers food, make a donation to a charity, or even just send flowers.

MJMG2015 Mon 26-Oct-20 13:56:15

Oh that's so sad. Her poor family 😢

Definitely a card that DD writes in & you write a lovely memory of yours or DD's

There's definitely a comfort in knowing your loved one was liked/loved/appreciated /thought well of etc It doesn't take away your grief, but it helps to not feel so alone.

I get emails from my Dads close friends in his birthday & anniversary if when he died & a decade on, it still means so much. I also still get comfort from the things people write in the cards and said at his funeral.

A really thoughtful card is enough, there truly are only so many flowers you need. (And then have to deal with as they start to die) A donation if they set something up in her name is nice too.

How's DD coping with the news? I was 7 when my teacher became unwell and moved away to be near her family. I was so upset as she was so lovely, I still have the gift she gave me (all of us).

Apandemicyousay Mon 26-Oct-20 14:40:16

Very sad news and as per PP, write a thoughtful card about what she meant to you and daughter. Really no gift is going to tick the box, as there isn’t really anything that will be special to them from you. However a donation to a cancer charity in her behalf is usually well received.

2bazookas Mon 26-Oct-20 15:02:13

I'd just find out (school office might know) if the family has invited donations to a cancer charity, then make one direct to their chosen charity "in memory of Betty Smith".

notalwaysalondoner Mon 26-Oct-20 15:07:11

I'd definitely agree with the idea of including some lovely memories - they'll treasure these. Any funny stories, photos, catchphrases she had etc. If you want to do more than a card you could see if the school is co-ordinating anything or suggest something yourself - collating a book of pictures and memories would probably be lovely (but a lot of work) otherwise a 'regular' memorial gift, I'm sure the school has something they need that everyone could chip in towards and it would be 'in memory' of her.

movingonup20 Mon 26-Oct-20 15:08:03

When DD's house supervisor died we organised a collection to help her son and the students sent cards to the family. Cards are fine because they can be read at a later date. Unless you have a relationship outside of school I would suggest not to do more because families are easier overwhelmed in the first few days and weeks. Take the lead from the school but also be prepared to support your dd as it can hit kids really badly

yeOldeTrout Mon 26-Oct-20 15:10:59

School will probably suggest how the family would like support & tributes. A very popular teacher at DC school died few months back. We were told (on social media) a charity we could donate to in her memory.

SenoritaEspanola Mon 26-Oct-20 20:38:16

Thank you everyone, I hadn't thought of writing down memories, I was more focused on the extending sympathies kind of thing.

It's quite a small Prep school so those she taught had lots of time with her. Nothing has been said by the school yet, but I expect there will be a charity nominated for donations.

I just can't get over it, she was such a lovely lady, warm, generous, kind.

OP’s posts: |
GeorgiaGirl52 Mon 26-Oct-20 21:07:58

When a teacher in my school died suddenly (heart attack) we encouraged the students to write a letter to her husband with a special memory. Several of these letters were read aloud at the service and all of them were bound in a volume for the family to keep.
We also had grief counseling available for students and teachers.

Arthersleep Mon 26-Oct-20 22:04:20

I think that it's a lovely idea to send something for the two daughters. It's very kind of you! Re ideas, how about a card and some flower seeds, Inc forget me not! They could plant a little memorial garden at their home in order to remember her and help them talk about her.

BashfulClam Mon 26-Oct-20 23:06:44

Get your dd to write her favourite memory in a card. I went to a dear friends cremation and it was a humanist service. Each family member wrote their favourite memory. Her dads made me almost collapse with tears the just morning he saw her she’d been staying at his house and he said goodbye before heading to work ‘a sleepy wee face not hidden behind any make up and a ‘love you dad’ I carry the love every day and return it a million and more times’. She was only 20 when she passed. Things like memories mean B so much.

YellowBeryl1 Mon 26-Oct-20 23:22:08

A card with a personal message and a donation to cancer research?

BackforGood Mon 26-Oct-20 23:29:41

Definitely agree with the personal memories. They meant so much for our close family bereavements - especially all the tiny little things people told us that we didn't know about. Please get your dc to either put pen to paper, or t tell you of something they remember Those cards can be read back over the years to come.

caringcarer Mon 26-Oct-20 23:34:01

When a teacher at my sons school died. There was a school collection and they bought a seat for the school which was placed at one end of playground and named it Miss X friendship seat. The rest went to cancer charity.

MrsEricBana Mon 26-Oct-20 23:48:07

How very sad for her family and her pupils too.
One of my late relatives was a teacher. Pupils and ex pupils wrote beautiful cards to his wife. The ones I remember most were the ones about how he helped them in a specific way, inspired them etc. His wife still reads those cards 10 years down the line.
When a friend's husband died one person wrote a card specifically to her son. The card had a beautiful artwork on the front related to parenting and the person wrote such touching words. Your dd could write to the girls and you could write to her family as a whole maybe? These things are far more important than gifts. Having said that, the bench idea is a wonderful idea for a group gift. A bench was placed on a hillside where this man often walked and it has a beautiful and inspiring inscription on it and I often sit there on my walks.

dottiedaisee Mon 26-Oct-20 23:57:07

So sad😞. Definitely send a card with daughters memories and find out if the family has a preferred charity X

DougRossIsTheBoss Mon 26-Oct-20 23:59:06

My mum was a teacher and died recently. As her family we really appreciated hearing her ex-pupils memories and how she had touched their lives. That was nicer than any present. We also appreciated charity donations in her name.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo Tue 27-Oct-20 00:03:40

My friends mum died recently. I've actually held off sending a card or flowers but plan to nearer Christmas.........I feel the grief hits later and everyone else has forgotten when really people need support and thoughts further down the line and at events when the loss of family is most felt.

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