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I’m a grown arse woman who spent the whole of dinner feeling bullied and did nothing about it

(216 Posts)
Parcelle Sun 25-Oct-20 10:20:47

And I’m fucking furious with myself angry

I’m not a shrinking violet by any means and I KNOW I need to let it go but I was so confused I didn’t do or say a thing and now I’m kicking myself I let my meal be ruined by two absolute pricks.

DP booked a table at a lovely “posh” restaurant in London for our anniversary. I was veering on the side of caution re my outfit so dressed up rather than down and felt comfortable but also hoped I looked nice.

We were seated at a table next to two men. One slouched in what I presume he thought was some kind of insouciant manner all over his chair and the other gave me the most obvious up and down bitchy look as I was being seated.

I took my coat off and had it next to me on the seat and one of the men leans over and says “oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”. I just smiled and thought right ok and asked the lovely waitress to hang it for me when she came back.

The second man then did the most obvious wide eyed stare at his friend, looked sideways at me and grimaced and started giggling like a teenage girl. Then then openly giggled and spoke behind their hands for the next 5 mins. It was so clear they were talking about me, my face was burning I just wanted the floor to open up. DP asked me if I was ok but hadn’t noticed what was going on.

I got on with eating my starter and the “leaning” man was pretty much lying down on the bench seat now about 6 inches from me scoffing and talking openly about everyone who walked past his table with his friend giggling and laughing. Someone they knew stopped by their table and again the side eye and up and down look from the first man at me and more grimacing and giggling.

I just wanted to leave. I don’t know why the fuck I didn’t just ask him what his fucking problem was, I’m so angry at myself.

They left after their mains and gave me a “oh by the way lovely dress sweetie” as their parting shot. DP had cottoned on my this point and just looked at me like WTF.

I’m so upset with myself for letting myself be made to feel 2 inches tall by two complete pricks angry

OP’s posts: |
AcornAutumn Sun 25-Oct-20 10:23:44

They’re a problem, not you

I think it’s better not to say anything to people like that tbh.

I’m sorry this happened to you. You can hash it out here but then please do forget about them. Not worth pissing on if they were on fire.

chillichutneysarnie Sun 25-Oct-20 10:25:30

Why are you beating yourself up about this? The only people who did anything wrong were those idiots! Ps are you sure they weren't absolutely stunned by how gorgeous you looked? That would explain why they were being so weird and the dress comment!

Parcelle Sun 25-Oct-20 10:25:48

I’ve thought about it over and over and women being bitchy would be like water off a ducks back. Men being gross/overly sexual again water off a ducks back. But men being bitchy was just the weirdest thing, I felt like a little kid

OP’s posts: |
qwertypie Sun 25-Oct-20 10:26:19

I'm so sorry flowers.

What a couple of absolute childish douchebags, honestly.

Don't feel down on yourself for not confronting them - it's difficult to do this when you feel under threat like that. And I bet you didn't plan on having to deal with playground behaviour as a grown woman in a fancy restaurant.

NeutralJanet Sun 25-Oct-20 10:28:25

How was he only about 6 inches from you, are restaurants in London not leaving extra space between tables for social distancing?

UncleFoster Sun 25-Oct-20 10:28:50

Think of it this way OP. Yes they may have been talking about you, but its only 2 people in the whole place. Garuntee everyone else who saw them thought they were wankers, it was them who embarassed themselves not you.

Think no more of them, their behaviour was designed to make you feel like that. It really wouldnt have been worth the time of day to challenge them

anxywait Sun 25-Oct-20 10:29:03

What absolute scum bags... imagine how miserable you would have to be in yourself to try make someone else feel awful like that. Thats absolutely horrible... bet you looked lovely as well

daisydalrymple Sun 25-Oct-20 10:29:18

You did the absolute right thing. You’d have got even more worked up if you’d said anything. They sound as if they have no manners or social awareness so would probably have just been egged on.
Sorry such idiots upset you though.

nimbuscloud Sun 25-Oct-20 10:33:31

How weird. Sorry your meal was spoiled.

Noshowlomo Sun 25-Oct-20 10:35:53

What a couple of c u next tuesdays. This is more about them than you. A couple of insecure little gob shites.
Chalk it up to experience and if you ever have an encounter similar, then you know you’ll feel better if you unleash hell on their asses

allgoodinthehood Sun 25-Oct-20 10:36:49

The way I look at it is, they'll still be wankers tomorrow and you'll still be you. Amazing , clever, and awesome. Seriously think no more about this .

PersonaNonGarter Sun 25-Oct-20 10:37:15

The correct response is : If your life was going well, you wouldn’t need to act like someone with such a small dick. Clearly, you are lacking - and your behaviour is just the sad symptom. Good luck with that bitchiness

PoulePouletteEternellement Sun 25-Oct-20 10:40:35

I don't understand about the lack of social distancing ...

Varjakpaw Sun 25-Oct-20 10:40:43

You did the right thing by not responding. They go low, you go high. Happy Anniversary!

Parcelle Sun 25-Oct-20 10:41:10

@NeutralJanet virtually no socially distancing between tables. The couple on the other side asked to be moved when they were seated as they were too close. Restaurant said they were full and couldn’t move them. Recent reviews have also pointed out lack of SD

OP’s posts: |
BigSandyBalls2015 Sun 25-Oct-20 10:42:51

How was your DP so oblivious to all this!

Mydogatemypurse Sun 25-Oct-20 10:43:30

I'm sorry your night was ruined. You behaved with more dignity. The are vile and rude. How embarrassing for grown men to act like that. They clearly have nothing going on in their own lives to be bothered about perfect strangers.

doadeer Sun 25-Oct-20 10:48:59

That's so awful! I think I would have asked DP if we could move tables. Though he would have been livid and told those guys to f-off (which would make me stressed as I hate confrontation)

They sound like absolute losers. Fancy having nothing to talk about than that nonsense

Sorry it ruined your meal 💐

doadeer Sun 25-Oct-20 10:49:53

And BTW what you were wearing is irrelevant - even if you were wearing a bin bag that doesn't give anyone the right to critique your outfit

RelaisBlu Sun 25-Oct-20 10:50:51

"oh by the way lovely dress sweetie"

You should have responded "wish I could say the same for your manners"

Hendalle Sun 25-Oct-20 10:52:56


ssd Sun 25-Oct-20 10:53:51

If they were so close how come your dh didn't notice them? I mean I know men can be clueless but bloody hell.

And I'd have been more worried about the lack of social distancing than 2 fannies acting up.

Smallsteps88 Sun 25-Oct-20 10:54:00

Men who hate women. They’re everywhere. What you encountered was two who are kind enough to let everyone know so we don’t waste a single second getting to know them.

slipperywhensparticus Sun 25-Oct-20 10:54:15

"Lovely dress sweetie"

Thanks but its far too tasteful for you

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