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Dreading Monday and the coming weeks

(86 Posts)
bloodywhitecat Sat 24-Oct-20 15:56:19

DP needs major surgery on Monday, he has pancreatic cancer (or possibly bile duct cancer, they can't tell where the cancer started yet). He's having a Whipple's procedure to try to remove what they can but even then his long term chances aren't the best. I am scared they will open him up and find they can't do what they want to do. I am scared he will die. I am scared. I am scared COVID will cancel his surgery. On Monday I get to drop him off at the doors to the ward not knowing when I will see him again, how well he'll be. I don't even know how I will know he's out of surgery because no-one has told us if I have to call them or if they'll call me. I won't be able to visit much because he'll be over 90 minutes away and we have two small babies living with us at the moment so even if DP was more local visiting would be tricky. I wish we could stay on Saturday, he looks so well, he feels so well, no-one could tell he has cancer but without the surgery we've been told he has a year, max.

Life wasn't supposed to be this way. This wasn't in our plan.

OP’s posts: |
janetmendoza Sat 24-Oct-20 15:59:14

I've seen your threads before and I'm so sorry this is happening to you all. Pancreatic cancer is completely rubbish. Sending you loads of good thoughts x

Thisisanillegalbingogame Sat 24-Oct-20 17:20:47

I’ve read your threads and you are all in my thoughts a lot. I know nobody can say much that is helpful right now but please keep posting here if it is helping. flowers

TooManyPlatesInMotion Sat 24-Oct-20 17:59:16

I'm so sorry op, this sounds immensely stressful. What support do you have from family and friends?

bloodywhitecat Sat 24-Oct-20 19:03:03

My adult daughter is coming over late tomorrow night so she can watch the foster babies while I take DP to hospital, my fostering friends have been great and I have couple of people locally who have been helping with shopping etc as we've had to isolate prior to his admission. It just all feels surreal, we have fought so hard to get here I am terrified it will all go wrong at the last minute.

OP’s posts: |
TooManyPlatesInMotion Sat 24-Oct-20 19:07:30

I'm sure the hospital will confirm arrangements for getting in touch when he is out of surgery.

Accept as many offers of help from friends and family as you can. I'll be thinking of you both.

mrshonda Sat 24-Oct-20 19:12:54

I have followed your threads OP and am thinking about you all

Mindymomo Sat 24-Oct-20 19:20:11

I feel for you. My husband was in hospital after suffering a heart attack in April and was sure he would either catch covid or not come home. It was by far the worst weeks of our lives. My 2 adult sons were at home and I will be forever grateful that they were. There was no visiting, but I spoke to him every day until he came home. I hope the operation goes well, keep us informed.

Bloodybridget Sat 24-Oct-20 19:51:19

Nothing I can say to help, but I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, and hoping for the very best for you and your DH.

TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair Sat 24-Oct-20 20:03:46

I'm so sorry. I've seen your other posts on here. You have had such a shit year. I hope the nurses take the best care of him given he has to go through this alone. And fingers crossed for you and him that this helps his situation. It's the worst news at the best of times.

musicposy Sat 24-Oct-20 20:04:46

Oh I’ve been following your threads and I’m wishing the very best for you and your DH. You’re in a shit situation and nothing I say can change that but I am thinking of you as I’m sure are many on here. Really hoping for the best possible outcome for him flowers.

Candleabra Sat 24-Oct-20 20:12:33

Very sorry to read this. How awful for you. As someone said upthread, accept as much help as you can. Though it's terrible timing with lockdown so you can't see people in the same way. Also try and establish an inner circle who feed any news and updates outwards. So you only have to tell a couple of people.

BashfulClam Sat 24-Oct-20 20:16:59

I will cross my fingers. It’s never in anyone’s plan, cancer is like the dick that shows up at a party, steals booze, upsets everyone and refuses to leave.

bloodywhitecat Sat 24-Oct-20 21:49:18

BashfulClam

I will cross my fingers. It’s never in anyone’s plan, cancer is like the dick that shows up at a party, steals booze, upsets everyone and refuses to leave.

I don't know why but that made me smile, thank you.

OP’s posts: |
LucyWarlowsRightHand Sat 24-Oct-20 21:57:44

TooManyPlatesInMotion

I'm sure the hospital will confirm arrangements for getting in touch when he is out of surgery.

Accept as many offers of help from friends and family as you can. I'll be thinking of you both.

They will let you know, yes - I should imagine that the surgeon will call you as soon as the operation is finished. I had major abdominal surgery in August and that was what happened; OH got a call from the surgeon saying that the operation was complete and had gone well, and he was then able to share the news with my parents and so on.

Got everything crossed for you both. It’s such a scary time.

Candleabra Mon 26-Oct-20 10:00:00

Thinking of you this morning

bloodywhitecat Mon 26-Oct-20 13:42:38

DP asked this morning and apparently I have to call the ward he was admitted to which was Day Surgery which just seems bizarre, he isn't going back to that unit so how will they know? He's going to the Intensive Recovery Unit, Day Surgery could be closed by the time he's out of theatre.

I cannot tell you how awful it was to not be able to go any further than the main doors of the hospital with him and how hard it is just sitting and not knowing anything.

OP’s posts: |
furrycat1978 Mon 26-Oct-20 13:54:21

Hand hold from here to you, @bloodywhitecat

TooManyPlatesInMotion Mon 26-Oct-20 14:13:55

@bloodywhitecat thinking of you. I'm sat at my kitchen table working, but you and your DH have been on my mind most of the day. Hope you get some decent news soon. flowers

Heartofstrings Mon 26-Oct-20 14:17:44

I hope you manage to get some good news!

Spongebobsquarefringe Mon 26-Oct-20 14:43:19

Sending you lots of love and a sanitised hand hold flowers

LucyWarlowsRightHand Mon 26-Oct-20 15:02:31

But how silly - I mean how are you meant to know what time they will be finished? confused

I'm so sorry, I really think that's poorly thought out.

We're here with you flowers

bloodywhitecat Mon 26-Oct-20 16:36:23

The surgeon just called, the surgery went OK but they found a nodule hidden in the liver which they have biopsied, if it is cancer his chances are poor

OP’s posts: |
flapjackfairy Mon 26-Oct-20 17:04:03

Oh I am so sorry. Praying for good news xxx

Goldistheanswer Mon 26-Oct-20 17:33:53

You’re both in my thoughts and prayers. 💐

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