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The most insensitive comment youve heard?

(179 Posts)
pallyfally Fri 23-Oct-20 20:29:57

A year ago today, my then DP of 4 years told me I was pathetic for crying when I had a very early miscarriage. I left soon after but it hurt me in a way I can’t really remember now but know at the time I was flooded with pain by his comment.

A friend of mine had just finalised her divorce and we had gone for a girl lunch with three others. One of our friends said ‘what’s it like being back on the shelf and knowing you won’t be coming back down?’ Friend was 35 at the time, she was so upset.

Just got me thinking how awful people can be sometimes. I think it says a lot more about them and how they are feeling than the person the comments are directed at. Still shocking and shit though!

OP’s posts: |
SentientAndCognisant Fri 23-Oct-20 20:36:19

Eek they are crass & insensitive comments
Some folk genuinely can’t & don’t say the right thing.they just blunder on in
Often it’s best to acknowledge the event is tough and there aren’t adequate words

Friend unexpectedly split up with her long term partner(15+years) together since uni. Someone commented well it’s not the bad, it’s not like you were married or anything.

timehealsmost Fri 23-Oct-20 20:48:19

I was chatting to my best friend and I was saying something like "oh when I gave birth to DD. ...and she said Oh but you didn't give birth did you?

DD was born by Emergency C sec after a difficult labour. .her words really upset me. ..what else would I call it?

SentientAndCognisant Fri 23-Oct-20 20:54:55

Yes, I’ve had that, all my babies were crash cs and lbw
Someone said but you’ve not actually given birth,you were cut open

delilabell Fri 23-Oct-20 20:58:58

When hearing I was pregnant after adopting my ds. "are you going to send him back then?"

SentientAndCognisant Fri 23-Oct-20 21:00:34

Christ that’s a mental thing to say

Butterer Fri 23-Oct-20 21:01:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander Fri 23-Oct-20 21:02:09

When my ex left me last year after 2.5 years my dad said "I know it hurts and I know he broke your heart but imagine how much worse it is for your sister. She's had her heart broken 3 or 4 times this year. At least you only had it once"
It sounds like he was being sarcastic, but he was deadly serious sad

OhTheRoses Fri 23-Oct-20 21:03:27

MIL after the nth miscarriage and after sil1 had breathed out accidental twins "It's a relief that (enter pedestrian name) can perform. I quite liked my MIL before that but in that moment appreciated the level of her unpleasantness and manipulative nastiness. 20 odd years on regrettably feel the same about her.

purpleme12 Fri 23-Oct-20 21:03:59

Are you going to get rid of the pets (when I was pregnant)
Everything happens for a reason

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 23-Oct-20 21:05:27

Someone I know was dumped as she came round from general anesthetic with the words: "you're so boring. All we ever talk about is cancer"

pumpkinpie01 Fri 23-Oct-20 21:07:47

@Butterer omg that's awful and just beyond insensitive ☹️

Spied Fri 23-Oct-20 21:12:33

"Was only a matter of time before he found someone younger and prettier than you"

My mum when my partner left me.

Spied Fri 23-Oct-20 21:14:24

Also
"I'd get rid of it and go back to uni and do another degree"

My mum when I told her I was pregnant and my (above) partner had left me.

Both in one day.

Spaghettio Fri 23-Oct-20 21:15:30

"You're so lucky your husband died and you don't have to deal with the whole ex-husband/custody thing."

Also same person

"You're so lucky you got all that life insurance so you can buy a house."

ArsenicNLace Fri 23-Oct-20 21:16:00

Friend unexpectedly split up with her long term partner(15+years) together since uni. Someone commented well it’s not the bad, it’s not like you were married or anything.

I was in the exact same situation (found out he was having an affair with a family friend)and we had two children together. My mother said the exact same thing, 'I don't know why you're so upset. It's not as if you were married or anything'

RefuseTheLies Fri 23-Oct-20 21:16:32

Me: finally pregnant after losses, two years of infertility, and IVF.

Coworker: you didn’t get pregnant naturally because you weren’t thinking positively enough.

Gingerkittykat Fri 23-Oct-20 21:17:35

My sister was a pregnant teenager and she had a bleed bout halfway through the pregnancy.

My great aunt commented that it would be best if she lost the baby.

purpleme12 Fri 23-Oct-20 21:18:26

RefuseTheLies

Me: finally pregnant after losses, two years of infertility, and IVF.

Coworker: you didn’t get pregnant naturally because you weren’t thinking positively enough.

Oh my god!

CathyorClaire Fri 23-Oct-20 21:19:23

'When are you thinking of having a family?' - Impatient MIL

'Having DC is great. You should try it' - Nosey fucker parent of four who'd just prayed for 'barren wombs to be opened' at church on Mothers Day. Not the only offender but unsurprisingly I haven't been for years now.

'There must have been something wrong with it' (there wasn't. Placenta problem) - "Friend" after late m/c.

Bellends one and all

CaraDuneRedux Fri 23-Oct-20 21:19:39

Immensely annoying friend-of-a-friend at a barbecue.

"I really don't think you're a real woman till you've given birth."

Delivered to me and her friend. After I'd mentioned I'd had a CSection. Which wasn't actually the issue (water off a duck's back for me, I just mentally filed her under "wanker" at that point). What was terrible was I later found out the mutual friend who was hosting the BBQ was struggling with infertility and wanker woman knew this.

OhTheRoses Fri 23-Oct-20 21:22:28

Something almost as bad. After an ERPC after a scan showing I'd had an MMC. The theatre nurse shouting "be quiet, think of other people, followed by - oh did you want it". Chelsea & Westminster 1997.

Followed by, a little more kindly, the horseman replying to my question, "what does ERPC mean?". "Just the evacuation of the remaining products of conception". He looked a little shocked when I said oh, my baby. He did come in the next morning and shook my hand and said he hoped next time we'd meet in better circumstances!

CathyorClaire Fri 23-Oct-20 21:24:03

timehealsmost

I was chatting to my best friend and I was saying something like "oh when I gave birth to DD. ...and she said Oh but you didn't give birth did you?

DD was born by Emergency C sec after a difficult labour. .her words really upset me. ..what else would I call it?

God yes. Another bellend.

Just like the one who'd had her son like shelling peas and said the emergency CS I'd had for dc1 was the 'easy, pain free option'.

CaraDuneRedux Fri 23-Oct-20 21:24:10

Hugs and flowers OhTheRoses. sad

WhodidyousayIshouldbe Fri 23-Oct-20 21:24:30

After miscarrying for the first time (at 16 weeks), a female colleague said "well it's not like it was a real baby".

I'm still trying to work out what it really was.....

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