Talk

Advanced search

Would you report someone for benefits fraud?

(28 Posts)
BlueOceanWave Fri 23-Oct-20 17:55:44

I'm estranged sister is a horrible, horrible, horrible person. She's a drama queen and a bully and she wants the whole family to be about her.

My sister picks out things and finds offense in things. Like we have a brother living abroad and she took offence to him working abroad because his life wasn't about her any more.

She doesn't speak to me after a row about 6 years Christmas's ago. She intimidated me for months in the family home and then she left where she started with dirty, abusive messages.

She took offence to our mother because of our mother's good relationship with our sister in law. According to my sisters many abusive messages, shes my mother's new daughter. Not true but my sister is envious of the good relationship between my mother and our sister in law.

I have another brother who can't stand her drama and doesnt want to have anything to do with her.

Here's the thing, she hasn't been in our lifes physically in years but she won't stop harassing us as a family. She doesnt want to be part of the family and according to her we are all dead to her but she won't leavt us alone.

She's done some terrible acts of revenge over the years like ads online selling things with our names and numbers. Some filth texted into our phones with insults and threats. There has been so much.

For the most part she is ignored. Numbers changed etc. Blocking and changing numbers wasn't 100% successful because she found other ways - fake accounts, going to employers, friends, etc. She had no shame airing her dirty laundry to the world.

Anything set her off. Like last year she was browsing Facebook and she found a picture my brother was tagged. She didn't like it how he was dressed well and he was happy and pictured with his group of friends. She ended up messaging everybody who was tagged in that picture who were his friends, airing her dirt to them.

For the most part she is ignored. Except for one brother. He did a good job of ignoring her originally but then eventually he snapped and started fighting fire with fire. It's on and off from her. He usually leaves her alone. It's only when she starts texting him or sending messages in another way, over and over and over again that he will snap back at her. He's now getting the brunt end of the stick from her.

She started on one of her spells yesterday sending him abuse. Many of her messages replayed all the old scenarios that she has built in her mind and having her 'poor me' and 'you are all so awful' attitude.

One of her messages read something like - so long as you all continue to be cunts to me, I will continue to be a bitch.

I don't really care about being called a cunt. We are not on her back. It reads to me as if she's trying to control us. It reads as if she wants us to all make a move to make amends with her when she has made it impossible for us to do so with her toxic behaviour of revenge and poison. If we are cunts for ignoring her, so be it. Its also reads to me as if she wants attention from us. She wants us to acknowledge her. There was also an unspoken threat in her message.

He ignored the messages but eventually he snapped and told her to fcuk off and that he is glad she is out from the family. She really doesn't like it when he stands up to her.

By the end of the evening, he was getting messages from gays. She made an ad on a gay dating site in his name using his address and phone number.

5 years of abuse and harassment from her to the family. 5 years of hatred campaign from her. The cops washed their hands of this and told us because there's no threats of violence from her, they can't do anything and they said its a civil matter and because we never has a love relationship with her it's not even considered a form of domestic violence and the only option available to us is the civil route and an injunction in the court. We don't have the money for that.

I'm left physically sick with what she's doing. All because we are not confirming to gmher way. I thought about meditation before but I decided against it. I'm not interested in latching things up with her and also I know her so well. She's not able to meet others half way and understand their way. She's not able to understand life beyond herself.

I know something about her past. She cheated the benefits department about 10 years ago. We weren't talking at the time either but I know the details and the cheats she did to obtain the benefits money. I turned a blind eye to it and it never bothered me but at this stage I'm tempted to report that cheating that she did so that she can learn how to work hard and pay back the money she cheated the benefit department off. If she was paying money back will she have money for phone credit? Will she be able to afford rent to charge up her abuse and hatred devices?

Will I report her for the benefits fraud? What would you do if you were in my position?

OP’s posts: |
ifiwasascent Fri 23-Oct-20 17:57:16

Jesus I couldn't read all that but In answer to your question yes I would and have done in the past

BlueOceanWave Fri 23-Oct-20 18:10:40

I'm seriously considering doing it. We had 5 yeses of a dirty harassment campaign from her. She doesn't care who she uses in her dirty games. She made a few ads online on a car selling site, in all our names. My brother seems to be getting it most from her. He had several ads made in his name and she even went as far as having a texting back and fourth to two stranger men and sending them to our mothers house to pick up a car that he was giving away. He was even selling it that time according to her, just giving it away for free. She doesn't care who she uses. She's never satisfied with her acts of revenge and pois8and keeps on going.

OP’s posts: |
Gilead Fri 23-Oct-20 18:14:04

I think the police sound a better option.

missmouse101 Fri 23-Oct-20 18:15:58

Yes, I definitely would. It's theft and sickening.

Ilovecheese53 Fri 23-Oct-20 18:20:45

I wouldn’t report her OP. I agree the police should have been called. Change your numbers, make social media private on all photos.

I’m a big believer in karma so no I wouldn’t report your sister OP. I can see your frustration though.

unmarkedbythat Fri 23-Oct-20 18:21:18

If the police hadn't already said no can do, go the civil route I would be saying keep reporting these incidents to them. What sort of costs would be associated with making a civil claim?

Honestly, I don't think I would report benefit fraud from a decade ago. But I wouldn't judge you at all if you did so. It must feel like a kind of torture to be subjected to this.

MsEllany Fri 23-Oct-20 18:25:20

It under your circumstances. I would contact the police about the harassment. I would seek legal advice. I would be afraid that if she was reported and faced consequences she would increase the harassment.

Love51 Fri 23-Oct-20 18:26:09

Get further advice about the domestic abuse thing. I'm fairly sure it is still domestic abuse. Women's aid, CAB, not sure where else might help but a Google of services in your area would throw something up.

AlternativePerspective Fri 23-Oct-20 18:28:18

Yes I would.

OP has already said that the police have told her it’s not a police matter.

I might consider going the civil route though and taking out an injunction against her...

BlueOceanWave Fri 23-Oct-20 19:00:07

She already escalated the harassment and I can't see what else she can possibly do. She already got my partner and my employer involved. She got some of my friends involved. She tried to put the family against each other. She contacted my brothers friends. She reported another brother to the Australian immigration authorities. There was nothing there on him by the way but she wanted to destroy the life he built for himself there. We got the names and the accusations. Our younger brother got accused of being a peado and there was nothing in it because he was a baby when she was a child. She wanted that name to stick. Apparently I was involved with sex in the family and whatever name is for that. I forget. Not true. She was unhappy with the good and happy relationships I have with the rest of the family.

She's a disgusting human being but she can't see it and she wants us all to fall on our knees at her feet.

Basically this woman hates our mother so much because she was the only parent who raised us and our father was a drunk and a cheat, my sister is not going to stop until she has the ultimate revenge on our mother and that would be having us all dead in coffins from suicide. That was her advice many times to us. She's breaking our backs here.

There's nothing else she can do on us now. The idea of reporting her is so to put financial pressure on her and maybe she won't be able to afford to continue to harass us.

OP’s posts: |
EmbarrassedUser Fri 23-Oct-20 19:21:48

@BlueOceanWave They don’t do anything about current cases of benefit fraud, they definitely won’t do anything about something that allegedly happened 10 years ago 🤷‍♀️

unmarkedbythat Fri 23-Oct-20 19:34:23

Has your sister ever been told she may have a personality disorder? Not all people with personality disorders behave like this and not all people who behave like this have a personality disorder, but there is such overlap between some of what you describe and what meets the criteria for diagnosis.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 23-Oct-20 19:36:03

No.
I wouldn't escallate the situation by reporting her for something she did 10 years ago.
I would minimise contact, change phone numbers and inform the police every time she shows up without invitation.

Lemonpizza Sat 24-Oct-20 12:13:08

unmarkedbythat

Has your sister ever been told she may have a personality disorder? Not all people with personality disorders behave like this and not all people who behave like this have a personality disorder, but there is such overlap between some of what you describe and what meets the criteria for diagnosis.

She does sound emotionally unstable, I was thinking that too

Lemonpizza Sat 24-Oct-20 12:14:16

unlimiteddilutingjuice

No.
I wouldn't escallate the situation by reporting her for something she did 10 years ago.
I would minimise contact, change phone numbers and inform the police every time she shows up without invitation.

I second changing your contact details, OP and going as low contact.as possible. She sounds dangerous

BlueOceanWave Sat 24-Oct-20 12:40:42

She was never diagnosed with a mental health issue when she was living at home. I don't know if she's been diagnosed since. I suspect not.

OP’s posts: |
midsomermurderess Sat 24-Oct-20 12:48:02

She's horrible. You want to take revenge. It's not about benefits fraud, this is the stick you've found. Be honest about that.

BlueOceanWave Sat 24-Oct-20 12:51:37

She hasn't been physically in our lives for years. My mother is not on social media and the phone number was changed too. I am on social media but not a lot of social media and I keep it limited. I changed my number. My brothers are a mixed bag with what they have done. One changed their number and is not on social media. The other one still has his number and social media limited.

Yeah, basically doing the right things of changing numbers and limiting social media wasn't even the fix either because the woman was so determined to hammer dirt upon our backs. My employer got messages, my brothers friends got messages, I got threats that my partner will be informed about how big of a cunt I am, and there was even a threat of contacting his employer. The woman is just deranged. She hasn't been physically in our lives for years except for a brief period in the winter of 2016 at a family funeral. We were all on Hood terms then but within a matter of weeks she started to explode into our phones replaying old rows and arguments never mind about the part that she played in things. It's been years of revenge and poison from her and she's never happy or satisfied with her acts of revenge, she has to keep on going.

My brother got messages the other day and there was an unwritten threat right there - so long as you all continue to be cunts to me, I will continue to be a bitch.

We are ignoring the drama and getting on with our lifes and of that make us cunts, so be it but she's not finished with us. She is so filled with anger and hatred and she's not able to see why we don't want to have anything to do with her. She has made it impossible for us to want a relationship and to try and patch things up with her. She's a horrible person.

OP’s posts: |
FlitterMouse Sat 24-Oct-20 12:56:49

could you try and get a restraining order out on her so that she can no longer contact any of you by any means

FlitterMouse Sat 24-Oct-20 12:58:50

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

DownThePlath Sat 24-Oct-20 12:59:10

I agree with @unmarkedbythat. She sounds unwell. I have BPD, and have definitely acted similarly in the past when I was young and very ill (not saying that all people with personality disorders act this way, but it can happen).

I wouldn't report. I doubt they'll even care if it happened a decade ago. Keep getting the police involved, and keep your numbers changed.

BlueOceanWave Sat 24-Oct-20 12:59:37

Midsomer,

No you are wrong about that. If I report her, it's not an act of revenge from me. I was very honest in my thinking and in my post.

She is harassing the family and she won't stop and there's no end in sight when all we want is peace. It's a one sided a fued. The anger is coming from her and she wants to punish us all and over and over and over and over and over again from her.

I was honest in my post and my thinking, if she has to pay back the benefits the defrauded the state on, I have the details and the proof and it's very real, I don't know how far back the authorities can go, the idea is to get her to experience some honest way of living, get her to work hard and if she has to pay back benefits - will she be able to continue her dirty hatred campaign? She clearly has a lot of money to waste on phone credit. If she can't afford her rent paying back benefits, all the more better - will she have access to a charging point for her tools of harassment if she goes to live on the streets?

OP’s posts: |
FlitterMouse Sat 24-Oct-20 13:04:35

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/harassment-and-the-law/#Restraining%20orders

DownThePlath Sat 24-Oct-20 13:05:33

I mean, I really doubt they'll make her pay back so much that she ends up on the streets hmm it'll be within her means and agreed with them if anything. But you do you ...

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in