DS and drugs

[pootlepie123]

Total shit of a day

Phonecall this morning from a parent at school giving me confidential heads up that DS (year 11) and another classmate had posted pictures/videos of themselves on a class WhatsApp group; crushing tablets and snorting/swallowing the dust.

She said it wasn't obvious if they were actually ingesting the drug or pretending but they were
Clearly trying to give that impression.
Knowing what I do the drug is likely to be Ritalin or similar for ADHD (prescribed for the other boy)
the photos were probably taken a few weeks ago when this boy stayed over and I recall thinking at the time DS was acting really strangely. Really hyper and manic.

They don't actually see each other out of school
much but coincidentally DS was due to go for a sleepover tonight and seemed overly excited at the prospect; probably looking forward to round 2

After ringing 'Frank' i messaged DS to tell him sleepover was off. When I picked him I was very calm, relayed the information I'd been given and asked what was going on. No ranting or threats.
Unfortunately it made no difference as DS, denied absolutely everything, said I could check his phone and became really upset and indignant. Has been in his room ever since and won't talk to me.

To make matters worse the school he is at has a zero tolerance policy with drugs and the mother of another boy in the WhatsApp group is a teacher there!! If one parent already knows what's been posted it won't take long to get back to the school and DS could likely face expulsion!

Just don't know what to do; I could almost have dealt with it better if he'd held his hand up and admitted it; but he didn't. He is denying all, likely lying through his teeth and now hates me for taking him away from his 'only friend'

[HollowTalk]

Can the other woman provide you with evidence to show your son?

[pootlepie123]

I have to tread very carefully as her son told her in confidence. I don't know if she's actually seen the photos or her son just told her about them. I have no reason to doubt or question her integrity, she sounded upset and said she struggled with whether to tell me.

[HollowTalk]

She's a very very good friend. Now are you going to tell the other boy's mum?

[pootlepie123]

Yes DH rang the mother and relayed this information. Explained that therefore DS would be unable to stay over.

It was very calm, said we hoped it could be sorted between us and that hopefully the school was still unaware. She was very thankful and it has been left at that...for now.

[pootlepie123]

Where do we go from here?

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

I think you’ve handled it great. What more realistically can you do? Maybe a consequence so like taking his phone for a while.

You don’t really need more evidence for him. Your word should be enough, it’ll also make it easier for him next time to cover up.

[pootlepie123]

We have just found more vaping kit n his room. Two kits were discovered around Xmas time which kicked off trouble.
When DH found today's kit he took the stuff away and very calmly said how disappointed he was. DS has gone mad, started smashing up his room and has now gone awol.

Gutted, we made a huge effort today with him. Took him out for lunch,'got him some new clothes....and now this. feels like a slap in the face.

Tried to discuss over lunch about what happened yesterday but he refuses to open up.
He is becoming increasingly withdrawn and secretive. Also gives clues as to why I find his window wide open in the morning and he looks permanently exhausted. I just don't trust him and wonder what else he is hiding.

I am so worried for my boy, he seems utterly lost

[SparklingLime]

I appreciate that this is really worrying for you, but why were you treating him to lunch out and new clothes when he hasn’t even been honest with you yet?

[pootlepie123]

We had plans to go out anyway and as he wasn't staying at the other boy's any linger didn't want to leave him at home alone.
He needed new jeans.

Was hoping that taking the heat out of the situation might facilitate a conversation

[ohidoliketobe]

Sorry to hear he's gone awol that must be stressful.
Agree with PP - why buy him new clothes and treat him to lunch? I could see going for a coffee or somewhere quiet for a chat in the hope he'd open up might be a good idea, but to essentially treat him, isn't something I would do personally. But hey ho.
Once he's back and safe. I would take him up on original offer of checking his phone. If you look on the WhatsApp group on question you will be able to check for deleted messages which might pin point the actual video in question and an attempt to hide it.

[pootlepie123]

I've just asked him to show me his phone and he's refusing

[ExerciseBeaver]

To be honest OP if it is true that he has been crushing ritalin then he has a slightly more serious problem as it is controlled substance. Does he actually have ADHD? He is altering his brain chemistry in ways he does not understand. They are stimulants and not prescribed to anyone who has abused stimulants in the past e.g. speed, they are not to be messed with. His brain is furious that he can't have the drug any more, that is why he is lashing out, even if he doesn't realise it. That plus he knows he has let you down. If you want to have a serious chat about drugs then you need irrefutable evidence so he can't deny it. It really isn't just that it's bad for school, it's bad to mess with stimulants. If he can see that he might be more inclined what has happened better going forward.

[WithTheJonses]

The phone needs consficating for sure. What a shitty situation to be in sorry op

[Veterinari]

You need to take his phone. I assume you have the password?

He's shown you you can't trust him. He needs clear boundaries and consequences alongside firm reassurance that you love him. No treats/lunch/new clothes. Focus on parenting him and teaching him his deceitful and cowardly behaviour is unacceptable

[SparklingLime]

How are things going, @pootlepie123? I’m afraid I have no experience or suggestions to offer, but hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along.

[Claricessss]

@tootiredtothinkofanewname
!