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Which set of GPs is closer to your kids?

(53 Posts)
00100001 Fri 09-Oct-20 16:55:06

My mother is much closer to DS than DHs, despite them both living close by.

OP’s posts: |
wendz86 Fri 09-Oct-20 16:57:02

My parents. Kids don't see their other grandparents very often as their dad only takes them occasionally. Not sure they have seen them this year. Both sets live in same place as where we were from originally but i spend a lot more time with my parents than ex does.

AmICrazyorWhat2 Fri 09-Oct-20 17:00:07

Mine, even though one is a step-GP. They live far away, but they make more effort than the closer ones. It’s bizarre how little effort my in-laws make- it’s their loss!

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander Fri 09-Oct-20 17:00:26

My mum and step dad.
Then my dad and step mum.
Then their dads mum and step dad.
Lastly their dads dad. I'm not sure he even knows their names hmm

Their great grandad would probably slot into 2nd/3rd place.

SpacePug Fri 09-Oct-20 17:02:24

Mine, DS has a weekly sleepover at my parents house. My DH's parents are separated, he's sees his nana every few weeks when she travels 2 hours to visit, and his grandad lives other side of town so again probably every few weeks. Neither have had him for any amount of time on there own as they don't live local enough

Juniperandrage Fri 09-Oct-20 17:03:30

My best friends parents are doing grandparent duty for my kid, and I would say she is closer to her than her paternal grandparents

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Fri 09-Oct-20 17:03:38

DHs.
Am NC with my mother and don’t see my dad much either.

Juniperandrage Fri 09-Oct-20 17:04:01

them not her

Spied Fri 09-Oct-20 17:07:12

Mine. By a tiny bit. I think they feel more comfortable and are more themselves around my DM and Stepdad than when they are with their paternal grandparents.
They see them both equally though.

VenusClapTrap Fri 09-Oct-20 17:13:04

None, sadly. Dh’s live abroad so we only see them a couple of times a year, and DF isn’t very keen on kids so he visits occasionally but doesn’t really know how to talk to them.

It would be a different story if DM was still alive.

HelloDulling Fri 09-Oct-20 17:19:51

Mine. I’m an only child, so my kids are my mum’s only grandchildren. My MIL has 12 GC, and lives a couple of hours away from us, so we see her infrequently and she’s fairly hands-off.

JeanClaudeVanDammit Fri 09-Oct-20 17:21:00

Mine, but that’s really only because of distance.

Bettysprocker Fri 09-Oct-20 17:23:05

Both of our dads died before DC were born but my mum was much closer (even though both lived close by.) DM died last year so they only have MIL now. She talks the good talk to her friends but has never once taken them for a day out or visited unless for her benefit since they were born. Her only interest is in them paying her attention now they're older but they don't have much of a relationship with her.
Our eldest DC is 24 and he hates visiting her because she is so self pitying and selfish. My mum was the opposite. When he bought his first house my MIL didn't even buy him a card. My mum was in hospital and arranged for my sister to withdraw cash to be able to hand him the money to buy a tumble dryer. She was days from dying and still thinking of others. MIL is much more financially comfortable than my mum ever was. She won a fairly significant amount on the postcode lottery, not millions but tens of thousands. She didn't even take us out for lunch!

stargirl1701 Fri 09-Oct-20 17:24:54

PILs.

My mum died before my DC were born. My Dad spends most of his time in Spain rather than at home.

Starlight39 Fri 09-Oct-20 17:25:56

My parents are closer to my DS, exMIL barely sees him now but she is older and not in great health but also doesn't esp seem to want to see DS! she does buy him sweets if we bump into her in the shop as we live in the same village. My parents are also closer to my brother's kids than his PIL - they just love kids and put a lot of effort into seeing them. My brother's PIL find the kids a bit full on.

Sunnydaysstillhere Fri 09-Oct-20 17:26:16

I am nc with my dm and df has no idea how many dc I have. Ils decided when ds arrived that actually being gps wasn't for them and dumped us!! Absolutely no back story...
Dc have me and dh and nobody else.

Floralnomad Fri 09-Oct-20 17:26:33

My mum by a very long way . Our dc are now both 20+ and it’s only MIL left , daughter has seen her twice this year when we’ve given her a lift to the Doctors and our son hasn’t seen her since FILs funeral which was 5 yrs ago. He had only seen them once in the three years prior to his death and MIL didn’t want them to visit when he was in hospital .

ohidoliketobe Fri 09-Oct-20 17:26:34

Mine (Maternal), DH parents see them and speak fondly, but they are closer to their daughter's kids. They are fair when it comes to gifts.

AnnoyedByAlfieBear Fri 09-Oct-20 17:38:23

My parents (dad especially) are favoured by my dc, despite living over an hour away and not seeing them as often as PIL who live 20 min away.

DaisyandRoses Fri 09-Oct-20 17:39:44

I think it’s normal for maternal grandparents to be closer, I don’t know many exceptions.

Dinosauratemydaffodils Fri 09-Oct-20 17:42:28

Dh's. I have a prickly relationship with my mum (dad is dead) and she tires of them quickly. On the other hand mil is endlessly patient and adores them.

DeathMetalMum Fri 09-Oct-20 17:45:41

Mine. Dp is NC with his mum and his dad and step mum live miles away and not very close.

We and DC are extremely close with DP's brother and his family though, much closer than with my siblings. We do days out/sleepovers/parties/help with childcare at times etc when there's no COVID around.

SoUtterlyGroundDown Fri 09-Oct-20 17:47:39

Mine, but only because DH’s family live abroad. My DC still adore them and if they were nearer they’d be equally close.

x2boys Fri 09-Oct-20 17:52:13

My kids only have my parents ,Dh,mum died before they were born,he has,nt seen his dad is n years and his step dad who the kids knew as Grandad ,cut us all off after a family tragedy a few years ago.

Sapiophile Fri 09-Oct-20 17:56:08

Mine, despite both DH and my efforts. Partly because my parents are in far better health than the ILs, and my mum will bake with DS and take him to the park, and Dad will kick a ball around with him and make up stories, whereas DH's parents, despite being younger, have pretty much retreated to armchairs facing the TV, which is always left on at full volume when we visit, meaning that minimal conversation takes place and is roared over a soundtrack of football or The Chase.

DH's dad is actually sweet with DS (8) but his mother means well but is terminally unimaginative and has one method of dealing with children -- when they're babies, she sort of waves her hands in front of their faces, saying 'Come on! Come on!' to try to get them to look at her, and when they're older, she asks the same question or makes the same remark repeatedly, at ever-increasing volume, as though she'll keep going until she gets the right answer eg 'What did you do at school?' (could be repeated five or eight times, as DS, whose reply she hasn't heard because she was on her first repeat, gets bored) or 'Come on, show me those new shoes!' over and over. And if DS tells her something he's done at one of his sports, she just tells him he needs to do something entirely different, or that she knows all about that better than he does.

I realise she's had a difficult life in many ways -- eldest of an enormous, impoverished family, raising three children in two rooms over a shop by her 21st birthday -- and that her total lack of imagination and certainty that her way is the right way in the teeth of all evidence has got her through it.

But it gets old fast.

I'm actually sad DS doesn't have a better relationship with them, but we've done our best in all the obvious ways to deal with the problems, to no avail.

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