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I don't know where to put this but DH is sick and we are in bits.

(73 Posts)
PandaBearBear Tue 06-Oct-20 22:36:24

It has been such a shit year. DH has been so sick, numerous times I've been told he probably wouldn't make it then he seemed to make magic happen and got so much better. Now things have gone downhill really quickly and he is back in ICU on a ventilator and I am having to have the same conversations with doctors that I didn't think I would have to have again.

We have 2 DC, who are 8 and 2. I am a mess but trying to put a brave face on for them. 2yo obviously doesn't grasp exactly what is happening - just that daddy is in hospital again. 8yo is anxious and sad, much clingier but trying to be brave.

I just want to stay in bed until this is over.

How do I help my children through this? And how do I get through this?

He may well recover, I have seen him make bigger miracles happen than this. He also may not. Either way all 4 of us are still so traumatised by this year that this is a huge blow.

Just looking for some advice or even just for someone to tell me a nice thing thats happening in the world.

OP’s posts: |
hellswelshy Tue 06-Oct-20 22:41:51

So sorry op. Not sure if I can give any sound advice, but wanted to say I will send all good thoughts and hope your way. Hope you have support around you flowers

Embracelife Tue 06-Oct-20 22:41:59

Muat be tough
Who is supporting you?
Is there a support group for his illness?
Is your gp supportive?
Have you reached out locally ? School of the 8 year old? Do they know?
One day at a time one hour at a time

Kaylia76 Tue 06-Oct-20 22:43:08


UsernameNotValid Tue 06-Oct-20 22:45:03

Oh @PandaBearBear that sounds awful for all of you. I'm sorry you're going through this when you thought things were on the up!

Do you have anyone who can help out with the children or just day to day things to help you get by? If so, please don't be afraid to accept any offers or ask for help if you feel you need it - I know I'd be grateful to do anything I could if you were my friend/relative. Don't forget that you need to be cared for right now too!

Thehogfatherstolemycurry Tue 06-Oct-20 22:47:58

Did you post a few weeks ago and it was heart problems op?
I hope he gets through it. Sending a hand to hold x flowers

PandaBearBear Tue 06-Oct-20 22:49:56

Our GP isn't great, we haven't had huge amounts of contact with them other than for his prescriptions as he was unwell very unexpectedly and in hospital for a really long time. Then we were shielding so get his medication delivered.

School is aware and were supportive last school year but 8yo hasn't gone back yet as the doctors recommend we still shield.

My mum is with me for the moment to help with kids when I am allowed to visit the hospital.

I don't think I would know where to start with a support group. His situation has been so complex, so up and down and so fucking unlucky that I can't figure out what kind of support group id even look for.

We have been through so much this year and my kids have had their worlds turned upside down so many times it just makes my chest hurt how unfair it is.

Thank you for the messages and sorry for the swears.

OP’s posts: |
Katinski Tue 06-Oct-20 22:51:40

flowers OP. Stay strong, for him,for your children, and for yourself.

TitianaTitsling Tue 06-Oct-20 22:51:55

It really does sound tough op, please speak to the hospital staff about support for you and the children, sometimes this can come via the local hospice, even if just for resources.
For the positive news, a wee spaniel who went missing up in northern Scotland has been found safe and well after being lost in the hills for days in this awful weather. Walkers, dog owners and drone pilots all banding together in a successful search.

Superpanicky Tue 06-Oct-20 22:52:16

flowers didn’t want to read and run.

PandaBearBear Tue 06-Oct-20 22:52:26


Did you post a few weeks ago and it was heart problems op?
I hope he gets through it. Sending a hand to hold x flowers

No this was not me, DH had very advanced cancer and got very very sick. He is now in remission with a very low immune system after a stem cell transplant and has some sort of chest infection (atleast so it seems - biopsy results are not back).

Thank you

OP’s posts: |
ineedaholidaynow Tue 06-Oct-20 22:53:48

You never have to apologise for swearing on here.

Sending a hand to hold flowers

lunar1 Tue 06-Oct-20 22:54:33

What an awful twist after him being in remission. Lots of love to you all. thanks

Mischance Tue 06-Oct-20 22:55:26

I am so sorry that your DH is so unwell. And I do understand about having to be strong for everyone when you just need a bit of TLC yourself. flowers

Thehogfatherstolemycurry Tue 06-Oct-20 22:55:37

Oh that sounds really tough on you all. I'm sorry you're going through this. flowers

Goingtogetflamed Tue 06-Oct-20 22:56:56

OP that sounds horrendously tough to get through. You sound as if you have been brave through so much already. Hold tight to your mum and your kids (and your DH when you can).
Nice things are happening in the world and they will in your world again flowers

thaegumathteth Tue 06-Oct-20 22:57:29

I'm sorry OP . That's so unfair. Please make sure you look after yourself too , you don't need to always be strong.

StealthPolarBear Tue 06-Oct-20 22:58:15

Oh op flowers and love from one bear to another.

Chosennone Tue 06-Oct-20 22:58:24

🙏🙏 sending love and strength

betard Tue 06-Oct-20 22:58:50

thanksreally hope he recovers well.

greyblueeyes Tue 06-Oct-20 22:59:49

I'm a so sorry, OP. Sending a handhold.

MissScarletInTheSnug Tue 06-Oct-20 23:00:09

I'm rubbish with knowing what the right thing is to say, so I am just offering a gentle hand hold and letting you know that you and your family are in my thoughts flowers

IceFemonLanta Tue 06-Oct-20 23:02:43


UselessASD Tue 06-Oct-20 23:10:00

flowers best wishes OP.

Here is a good place to vent or get support. Definitely don’t worry about swearing in this context, and in general on MN or if you do feel wrong on these threads try the Sweary thread to vent on. There is a community there but I just go there to swear on a bad day sometimes.

Personally I have found the Samaritans good as they can just listen, you are not feeling you are imposing on friends or family when you just want to talk about how hard life is.

As you asked for one small good thing- I went for a walk on Sunday and birdsong was lovely, after it had poured here all of Saturday.

HotPenguin Tue 06-Oct-20 23:15:22

I would second the Samaritans, you don't have to call you can email them which allows you to do it as and when you have time.

Maybe it would help to plan some simple activities to give all of you something to focus on? Nothing major but for example making pizzas or planning a film night, whatever simple things they might enjoy. flowers

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