At nearly 40yrs old I’ve realised that my poor relationship with my dad has had a massive impact on my life.
He wasn’t really part of my childhood, he was always at work (CID) and when he wasn’t we were tiptoeing around the house so as not to disturb him. He left my mum when I was 8 and moved in with his new girlfriend. Every other weekend I would arrive at his house and feel like I was in the way the whole time. It was obvious, even then, that I was an inconvenience. He’d make fun of me and show very little affection.
I had a best friend who was the daughter of one of his best friends. I always remember watching how he’d fuss over her, compliment her and laugh with her. I can remember thinking that she was the daughter he would have wanted.
I moved away with my mum in my early teens and only saw him during the summer for around 5/6 years. Again, the moment I’d arrive I felt like I was in the way.
I never knew either of my Grandads, had no uncles or anyone that could have been another ‘father figure’.
I found that by 17yrs old I was so desperate for male attention, that I’d end up with just about any man that gave me the time of day.
At 18 I was pregnant. Then over the next 8/9 years I went through 3/4 horrible relationships. Always trying desperately to please, being treated like shit but being so scared of being on my own I’d put up with it.
Eventually I met a lovely guy and on my wedding day I was so excited, I couldn’t wait for that moment like in the movies when the bride walks in and her dad has tears running down his cheeks, I didn’t get it. He didn’t even comment on how I looked. Didn’t even say I looked nice. His speech was a poem he’d printed off the internet. Nothing about me, who I was or that he was proud of me. He could have been reading it to anyone.
I left my husband after a few years, he was too nice, too loyal, too forgiving.
I’m in a wonderful relationship now and I’m very happy in general but to be honest, that feeling of rejection from the one man that is supposed to love you more than anything, never goes away.
He lives 5 minutes away. I haven’t seen him for 2 years. I text him and get one word replies or just an emoji....
I don’t need him, or want anything from him...I just struggle sometimes with understanding what I did wrong.
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How has your relationship with your dad affected your life?
66 replies
SneakyBlinder · 04/10/2020 06:00
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