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Moving back to London(44 Posts)
Really need some advice. Two years ago I left London with my three children, two in their teens and one aged 10. As soon as we moved my daughter has developed Anorexia and we have had a terrible time. Her only wish is to return to London. My dilemma is can you move back? Were they too old for such a move to the country. I had visions of them playing in the garden and embracing country life but in fact all they want is their old life back and shops etc.. Can anyone offer any advice, gratefully received. Thanks, Charli
I think the countryside can be idyllic for primary age children, but after that the majority of teens would prefer to be close to their friends. Can you afford to move back? Does London work job wise for you?
You can move anywhere if you can afford it/have work etc.
We are both self-employed so that's not an issue. I just wonder if it's a step backwards? The grass is greener?
Good question Solasum, we would have to move back to a much smaller property than we were in before. It's such a touch decision! Any advice appreciated.
Well they can’t have their old life back at the moment regardless of moving because of covid.l if that’s any solace. Have they managed to make friends in the new place?I think we all have a tendency to remember the good times.
Friends are the life blood for many teens... what were you thinking?
I am very sorry your Dd is so unwell.
Is she still in contact with her old friends? Could you even get them back into their old schools?
How is it a ‘backwards step’ though?
Yes they were way too old. Did you ask them if they wanted to move or was it your vision?
Moving back to London will not "cure" your daughter's Anorexia - and you and her have to acknowledge that.
What help is she getting? (I assume you are in contact with Beat.
Yes teen years are not ideal for moving to the country. But what is done is done - moving "back" will not be the same and will not solve any problems (except purely logistic ones like being closer to Saturday Music schools which you travel for hours to get to now - for example).
I would say you need your own counseling to deal with the guilt you are feeling, and to be able to look at the situation logically.
Is the exact place you have moved to the problem? Would moving to a nearby town help or even a different village? Are there specific triggers? What are everyone's interests? Would a change of school help for her? etc.
And have you got to the true underlying reasons for the Anorexia?
There was an article in the Telegraph this week about people moving back to London during Covid because they felt too isolated: www.telegraph.co.uk/property/uk/selling-country-house-moving-back-london-lockdown/
In your position I'd move back but perhaps not with the intent to have the same identical life again but to have a life in London with the ingredients that made it 'click' before - right schools, peers, activities, future prospects etc.
We've been there & came back. Not for kids but ourselves. Happy to go back to 'idyllic' countryside for holidays but can't live there. It's not urban enough for us.
Thanks for all your comments. Yes we made the decision as a family, with a little persuasion.
We moved here to be close to family members but somehow that doesn't feel right, we used to enjoy visiting them and now I feel we see them so often, we've almost lost that quality time we used to have with them. Plus we've become a babysitting service to them.
They wouldn't be able to go back to their old schools but they both have friends in London outside of school.
When i said Backwards step, I meant is it a fail to go back?
I would go back in a heartbeat if you can afford it. Life is far too short to be unhappy
Thanks Fake Flamingo for your thoughts, you're right, i realise that an identical life can't be had but the fundamental ingredients are there. Can i ask how long you moved out for and do you have children?
I think we haven't had a chance to be happy, it's been blighted by hospital stays and this horrible illness. My daughter is now much better and even more determined than ever to go back. I just don't want to base my decisions entirely on her wants but at the same time i would do anything for my lovely children!
I wouldn't class it a fail.
I think the prime move to the country is when they are smaller. Pre teens onwards want more.
If you can afford it I'd move.
It was an experience that didnt live up to expectations. No biggie.
Op sometime a fail, but London is the best, you can't beat it. I'd move back in a flash yes.
You had visions of your teens playing in the garden...? Oh bless.
The only place my teen plays is on the floor of the lounge with his Xbox ;)
Autumn you can't generalise - plenty of threads on here with those who moved saying they would never go back to London. Some people neve want to live here in the first place, jus tto visit - people do love country living (or other cities). OP obvs wanted to move out and probably would not go back if it wasn't for her DD.
And I say this as someone who loves London and had lived there for 20yrs.
I'd go back to London but I am biased.
I'd sit with your kids and ask them what they want to do. Have a proper conversation.
I moved back after 5 years away, and don't see it as a step backwards at all. Mine were younger when we moved out, and loved it, but were very happy to be back in London for their teens (we've been back 9 years now!).
It was me that drove the move back - I just missed London, hated the commute, and wanted to live here again. The kids didn't mind moving (we had lived in London before too) and adapted really well. We moved back when my eldest dd was 10 .
I agree though, this won't cure your DDs anorexia and although it may make her happier, there's a chance that might not.
But no, I have no regrets about moving back (except maybe house price regret...) .
I think you need to work out what you want from life. Maybe make a list of what you want your life to look like. Access to shops, schools, type of house, what everyone is interested in. Perhaps get everyone to do the same and then have a family meeting to decide. But as someone else said a move to London wont cure your daughters anorexia.
I live in London, so biased as I have no interest in living in the countryside. I like living here for the most part but there are things I don't like such as traffic, too many people etc. Could you rent for a while?
EDs are crap and I'm sorry your DD has anorexia. But don't be lulled into thinking a move back to London will fix her. She hasn't got anorexia just because you moved to the countryside.
Although I do acknowledge that services fir testament may be better in the city.
@Charli125 - we moved back after 7 years. I wouldn't say we were unhappy at all. But we just felt like we were not in the 'right' place & missed London. We were previously in zone 4 & we moved back to a completely different area zone 3. We timed it with eldest's secondary admission. I have 2 girls. They both are thriving in our current location. We now feel 'settled'.
It took us 2-3 years to settle down after moving out of London. The regret was almost immediate but we made it work due to schools, work & other commitments. But it was always on our mind that we need to go back to London, not necessarily in a rush or to get our old life back, but when the time & opportunity presents.
I would look at it more like correcting a mistake/step forward rather than a step backward. There is nothing wrong in moving back if your assumptions about moving out didn't materialise.
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