Money/relationship - How would you do it

[happydays67]

Scenario:

• Me and my partner are buying a home together
• Im using my inheritance towards the property
• Inheritance = £160k
• Property = £335k
• We are getting a mortgage for the rest
• He currently pays what the total mortgage payment would be for the above plus £200 on his current mortgage
• I currently don't have house payments as my inheritance covers it
• We are going to split the mortgage & bills in half
• So he will have far less outgoings & mine will increase, also, i will probably pay more for food as i have a 5 year old son who will live with us, his kid will only be there every other weekend.
• His salary is 3x higher than mine

(I will have my inheritance protected fyi)

QUESTIONS:

How would you do it?
Would you just split bills and say he should cover mortgage? (Obv making it so that he owns that percentage of the property, mortgage value wise)
Food shopping wise, how do we divvy that up as i will pay more
What is fair?
Etc

Thank you so much, sorry i just need other opinions on this x

[charliehunnamssixpack]

I think what you each pay for housing costs now is a red herring.

Get your deed of trust written up to protect your £160k. After that, beneficial interest in the property split however you decide.

Will you have more children together?

What's his suggestion about how to split things, as he's the higher earner? You paying more for food seems petty to me - he is taking on you and your child. What's his income after maintenance for his child - still a lot more than yours? What's each of your income trajectories?

[Jessy2903]

Firstly you absolutely need to protect your inheritance, I have seen this more then once with friends - 5+ years later, they split up and they had to split the house proceeds in half!
Please please make sure you do that, to protect your sons inheritance.

I would have a joint account to cover food, bills, mortgage etc and put the same amount in it. I'm sure a 5 year old doesn't add too much to the shopping bills.
Then you can pay for anything you need from what's left of your wages.

[happydays67]

@charliehunnamssixpack
Unsure about kids but if we do it will be 1 max.
His suggestion is to split everything half apart from food and toiletries as 2 of us and female so more toiletries.
His maintenance payment is very little his income is still much higher.
Income wise his will prob increase slowly and steadily over the years.
Mine will not change massively.

[happydays67]

@Jessy2903 100% we are both on the same page about protecting my share as its for my son, exactly.

[BluebellsGreenbells]

So effectively you won half the house already.

So he’s only paying his share of the mortgage - so that’s one choice

Or you ring fence your deposit and split the mortgage payment effectively giving you another 1/4 share with him having 1/4 share - doesn’t seem fair in the long run

Either way a solicitor can draw up an agreement about your deposit - him paying the mortgage and any split in profit etc should it need sold.

Plus I would make sure you both pay equally to home improvements

Shopping - defiantly you pay more as you have a child.

Set up joint savings for holidays and treats

[charliehunnamssixpack]

He wants you to pay more towards toiletries because you're female?

And he's happy to split everything 50:50 even though that will leave you with less disposable income... how much are we talking in real terms? If you each paid 50:50 for food and bills and mortgage, what sums would you each have left per month after he's paid his maintenance?

[JoJoSM2]

It depends on what you’d like really. You could by your share of the property with the 160k and he could buy the rest with a mortgage (which he’d pay in full). If you want a larger chunk of equity, then you could agree a larger % of the property in your name and you’d contribute to the mortgage accordingly.

You can definitely split expenses 50:50 as a cohabiting couple. However, if you do decide to have a child etc then I’d expect for you to be a family unit pooling your money together.

[nimbuscloud]

His maintenance payment is very little his income is still much higher.

How little is his maintenance payment??

[happydays67]

@nimbuscloud
Not little as in stingey, just what shes asks for £150 i think.

@charliehunnamssixpack yes because i will be buying much more toiletries and thats a bigger expense.
If we went 50/50
Leaves me with say £500 him about £2k

[Sunnydaysstillhere]

He is in no way taking on the op and her dc....
How patronising...

[JoJoSM2]

He pays 150 in maintenance despite have a lot more money and now he’s concerned about the cost of toiletries? I would reconsider moving in together.

[theodorasgusset]

@Sunnydaysstillhere

He is in no way taking on the op and her dc....
How patronising...

Not patronising, but if you move in with someone with a DC, you take them on as a package. You don't quibble about the amount of food a 5 year old eats, surely?!

[theodorasgusset]

[quote happydays67]@nimbuscloud
Not little as in stingey, just what shes asks for £150 i think.

@charliehunnamssixpack yes because i will be buying much more toiletries and thats a bigger expense.
If we went 50/50
Leaves me with say £500 him about £2k[/quote]
He has £2k left AFTER bills and only pays £150 a month towards his child who he sees EOW?

[theodorasgusset]

@JoJoSM2

He pays 150 in maintenance despite have a lot more money and now he’s concerned about the cost of toiletries? I would reconsider moving in together.

100% - he sounds fucking hideous all round

[Sunnydaysstillhere]

She is the main buyer. Is she not taking on the bf and his dc?
My dh didn't take us on. What an insult imo.

[nimbuscloud]

How much do you spend on toiletries each month? Are you including expensive salon visits in that category?

[Pereie]

Sheesh.

I can't believe he's asking you to pay more to cover food for your child. Sounds petty to me.

Why not put in your inheritance as half and he can take out a mortgage for the other half. Meaning no repayments for you.

Also asking more for toiletries... not judging, but judging 😶

[Newtothis2017]

I agree with JoJoSM2

No way would I move in with him

[happydays67]

Woah ive just checked how much he should be paying its more than double what he pays. But maybe they have an arrangement i dont know.

I do kindof agree that food is petty because a) ds eats like a mouse b) he eats more than us combined c) its food, basic stuff, not like lobster dinners every night.

Also to throw in another spanner.

We were talking about me selling my car as its crazy having 2 car payments a month, in the day he uses work van, i work from home, might need car for school run and food shopping etc in the day and thats it.

So he has just taken out a loan to pay for it.
How would that work, would i go halves on his car, payment insurance and petrol wise? Or how would that work?

[combatbarbie]

To be honest if you are questioning it, you shouldn't proceed with this house. I can't believe he wants more than 50/50 on shopping because you have a child and are female. He doesn't see yous as a family unit.

[combatbarbie]

If you have already stumped up more a less half of the house value, why are you then paying half the remainder?

[Love51]

He couldn't afford that house without you, you are saving him thousands in mortgage interest and he's quibbling over loo roll and deodorant even through he will have 4x your disposable income.
I'd buy my own house and let him visit. But I'm fairly all or nothing, and this guy doesn't sound all in.

[MaverickDanger]

Get your inheritance ring fenced and split bills proportionately to your salaries.

You’re going to end up scraping pennies together while he saves most of his salary.

[happydays67]

@nimbuscloud lol no way, might get my nails done say once every few months but thats not classed as toiletries to me anyway nor would i ever expect anyone to pay for that

Toiletries prob come to say, £40 a month

[Kpo58]

I wouldn't move in with him. I bet if you were ever to become pregnant by him, he would make you pay for both kids (clothes, food & childcare) and make you get in debt during the maternity leave.

Ideally you should put in an amount of money into a joint account which leaves you a similar amount of spending money.