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Anyone else have a child who hates school?

(24 Posts)
Bellybellybelly Sun 27-Sep-20 21:05:26

Sunday night, and once again my DS 7 is in tears at the thought of school.

He just doesn't like going - he loves being at home (lockdown was his dream come true!) and isn't massively academic, so finds it all a bit hard. No issues with bullying or anything like that, and he has some good friends. The only bit he likes it break and lunch time.

Anyone have any tips to turn it around into something positive?? His school is lovely, and he is always OK when it comes to actually going. It's just the Sunday night blues I want to crack!!

OP’s posts: |
Coronawireless Sun 27-Sep-20 21:09:25

What does he not like about school?
You say he’s not academic. Does that bother him? Would he like to be better at his schoolwork?

HungryPies Sun 27-Sep-20 21:11:36

Myself DS is the same. Sorry I don't have any answers but you're not alone!

Bellybellybelly Sun 27-Sep-20 21:19:27

He's a wee worrier, and does worry about not being able to do the work. He is also terrible for not listening properly and being in a dream world - we've had lots of chats about making sure he pays attention to the teacher so he knows what he is being told to do. Once we are into the weekdays he is always fine, but just spends most of Sunday afternoon and evening worrying about the week ahead. He just wants to be at home ♥️
He does get some differentiated work and a wee bit of extra help at school. I might speak to the teacher and just check there is nothing else going on though, just incase.
@HungryPies 💐

OP’s posts: |
Scbchl Sun 27-Sep-20 21:22:37

My middle child hates it. She is 11 in a few days and it hasnt gotten any better with age. There is often tears in the morning.

thelegohooverer Sun 27-Sep-20 21:28:08

Another one in my house. And I was a school hater too despite being academically able. Hoping some wise mumsnetters will be along soon with great tips.

grafittiartist Sun 27-Sep-20 21:36:20

A year ten here.
She hates it. Loved lockdown as it was away from school.

KormaKormaChameleon Sun 27-Sep-20 21:36:22

I think they're legitimate feelings for kids to have, as long as they attend school and aren't too miserable overall and everyone does as much as they can to help them, isn't it worth recognising the Sunday night blues/feeling sad about not being at home as valid?
Have you said to your son that he's allowed to feel however he likes about school and you really respect that he goes and does his best, and maybe say how you've seen he gets sad on Sundays and is there anything you could do/he would like to make Sundays better?

Sorry if that sounds dismissive or you've already tried that. I'm just wary about the instinct to make people 'feel better' or change their views when sometimes accepting the feelings and working with them are an option.

AngryPrincess Sun 27-Sep-20 21:44:51

Yeah. My 2nd year hates it. Always has.

nonicks Sun 27-Sep-20 21:50:08

My year 10 hates it, I totally understand and I hate seeing her upset, I was like it myself about school.

Itwasaquarterpast11 Sun 27-Sep-20 21:54:47

My dc loves school, but I was the one who hated it, particularly primary school. My DM couldn't be too sympathetic about it or I would just get myself into a complete state about it. I dreaded it slightly less in secondary school, but still would rather have not gone.

Suckmuckduck Sun 27-Sep-20 22:15:35

Same here. Yr 6 dc, it’s always been like this. I’ve offered a bribe, if dc can get to half term with a positive attitude and go into school smiling each day they get a present.

Coronawireless Sun 27-Sep-20 22:27:18

If your child wants to do well but for some reason can’t, that must be very stressful. Wanting to do well shows that they are bright enough to understand why learning is important. So then what is stopping them?
My DD(10) is also a Sunday night crier. This started when she was 7. She had great difficulty learning to read which impacted on every single other subject. She has had several assessments over the past 3 years and this month was finally confirmed to have moderate dyslexia secondary to a language processing disorder.
My DD is not a dreamy child at all, though she is fidgety and easily distracted.
But some children with language issues become “dreamy” - they zone out because they find it very hard to follow conversations, especially in a busy or noisy classroom environment.
I’m not saying your DS has dyslexia or a language issue. But about 10% of children do - and most of them hate school, especially if they remain undiagnosed. It may be worth a Google to see if he ticks any of the boxes. If so, you can take things from there.

Coronawireless Sun 27-Sep-20 22:31:08

It strikes me that you’ve been telling him to pay attention to the teacher. What if he IS trying to do that but just can’t follow what is being said? No wonder he spends most of Sunday worrying! He would feel that he is stupid or maybe bad for not being able to do what his mum asks and which comes so easily to the other children.

tsmainsqueeze Sun 27-Sep-20 22:31:49

My year 8 , friendly , popular , but has never liked it , lost count of the tears , until now .
Packs bag the night before , up early , gets homework done , still hates it but no tears , seems resigned now.
She was in her element in lockdown , amused herself by crafting every day , i think she just likes her own company .
I keep it to myself but totally empathise as i hated it too , i had friends and did ok but jut wanted my freedom .
Feel sorry for these kids .

Coronawireless Sun 27-Sep-20 22:32:30

I didn’t mean to make you feel bad there BTW.
I made exactly the same mistake with my own DD before I realised there was more to it.

Bellybellybelly Sun 27-Sep-20 22:41:36

Thanks for the replies. He is being monitored for Dyslexia (I'm an ANA so I'm def aware of this) his reading is fab, but writing and numeracy skills can be iffy (dyscalulia maybe? ) I've raised it with the school before and been told he is being monitored, but I've not spoken directly to his class teacher for this year yet.

I think it's a good idea about making sure his feelings are validated, i hadn't thought about it that way.

OP’s posts: |
deflationexasperation Sun 27-Sep-20 22:54:17

Yes op, it's not common for dc who find learning easy to love school..

However mostly the social side keeps school going...
However dd 2 used to hate it and adored 🔒 down!! She was in her absolute element!! Loved it.

She's 7.has reading issues... Wasn't learning a thing. Imagine how boring that is.... Literally like some one talking in a different language?
Through lock down we re covered all the basics she's missed. Went back over the first 100 hfw. I got books to help her, twinkle... Subscribed to reading chest which kept us moving forward... With reading.

Reading is the key to everything l!

I remember myself being lost and bored every day 7, rushing to my chair.. Back to the teacher.. To learn exactly zero!

I hated school too.

shivanamatta Sun 27-Sep-20 23:15:56

Maybe try a consultation with an Educational Psychologist? Ed Psych specialist can identify unique learning profile and how the child best process information. Every child learns differently, it may be that the school teaching does not suit him, and the fact that everyone around him gets on fine stresses him out? Also, could it be ADHD or similar condition? Have you rolled these out OP?

Marisishidinginmyattic Sun 27-Sep-20 23:18:51

Mine is a similar age and is the same about school. I think it’s the fact they are cooped up and lose all autonomy for six hours everyday. I suppose it’s kind of like having a job you don’t like and being expected to go there all day every day. It’s hard for them. I haven’t any advice though because we’ve had the same tonight and there’ll be the tears and begging and bargaining in the morning too sad

Seagrassorchid Sun 27-Sep-20 23:43:44

Mine absolutely hated it from year 5 onwards, absolutely hated secondary school.

He was academically able and would just try and reason every Sunday how the government’s curriculum was a load of rubbish, why are they teaching drama when they should be teaching about credit cards, mortgages and other life skills?

To be honest I found the whole thing very stressful because I often agreed with him but had to still encourage him to do his best regardless. I found it exhausting.

MrsJThornton Wed 30-Sep-20 10:56:19

My DS 9 hates it too. He struggles at school and has extra help too due to a neurological condition he has. Doesn't help that his big brother who he idolises, loves every minute of it and excels academically and in sport (which I'm glad of for him obviously). Really wish I could help my little one enjoy it more.

FlamingJuly Wed 30-Sep-20 11:15:58

Year 8 DD also moans to me every single night and most mornings. She has a fabulous little primary but has just not made the transition to secondary adequately.
I sympathise as much as possible. I suggest ideas to help her such as finding the subjects she likes (claims to hate them all) and getting stuck in, going to clubs, trying things out. I've offered to see if we can move classes and even schools.
At the end of the day, as I tell her, it is a legal obligation to go. She's already had three days off with a sniffy cold (and that eas at least two days too many). I put my cheerful face on with her and listen but some days I have to admit I find her moaning unbearable and fecking irritating.

Hiccupiscal Wed 30-Sep-20 11:23:54

No advice op, but watching with interest.
My DC is 6 and every morning wants it to be the weekend, he is extremely bright, motivated and passionate about his interests (fishing, the world, environment, nature etc) but becomes easily distracted and silly with other things.
Besides my own child I have never been around any others, so I have little comparison, I have spoke to the school about him, as I am concerned he is 'different' but i have been told that he is 'fine"
Despite him daily getting warnings, red cards, yellow cards etc and being low level disruptive.
Its difficult because he's not a naughty of difficult child.
I dont know what to make of it.
I co-parent with ex H and if it wasnt for a 50/50 split, I would actually consider removing my son and going to an alternative schooling style, of which there are many (unschooling etc) - which I think would suit him better.
Unfortunately this isn't an option but the morning battles of "is it a school day mummy" and feeling so dejected, are really painful to see.
I totally sympathise op.

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