Curfew for 16 yo DD??

[ChickenNotSoLittle]

DD2 has just started sixth form in our nearest city. We live quite rurally.

She has been meeting up with a nice crowd of that she has met through college and through two nice girls that she went to school with.

There is a little bit of drinking and smoking going on in the city centre parks and at the beach which sounds awful written down but they are honestly a good bunch of people and very kind. They are arty alternative types rather than the type to get an asbo ( sorry - I know that sounds wanky).

I should say that she’s the happiest I’ve seen her in months (and we’ve had serious anxiety and depression to contend with so am so relieved that she is getting well at last).

It would seem that this group are mostly allowed to stay out until 10.30-11 which I think it’s far too late as it can get quite edgy in town. Once recently, DD was staying at another girl’s house and was out until nearly 11 as the return to the house was out of her hands. DH and I agreed to stay in regular phone contact and not humiliate DD by going to pick her up or demanding she and the other girl go home immediately.

Do tonight she wants to meet this group again and stay out up to 11pm in the town centre.

WWYD? What curfew would you set for your 16yo if they were not at someone’s house? I’d much much rather they were not just hanging around in public green spaces but this seems to be the main activity.

It seems that DH and I are on the minority in not wanting to allow this.

WWYD/ what’s your curfew?

I didn’t have these issues with dd1 as she was always at someone’s house if out late.

[ChickenNotSoLittle]

Am I being overprotective?

[ApolloandDaphne]

We live rurally to and I always believed DD1 was at somebody's house. It's only now she is much older she tells me tales of what they got up to! Nothing bad, just silly teen nonsense. And she definitely stayed out quite late but usually just stayed over with someone so I never knew. DD2 never really went anywhere and never stayed out late. I didn't have a curfew at the weekends. I just decided on each evening out as we went along. Sorry i don't think my ponderings are very helpful!

[lanbro]

I was drinking in the city centre bars at 16, with my parents consent, but I had to get the last bus back at 11pm. I think keeping the lines of communication open is better than coming down hard, as long as dd is honest where she is and with whom, and if she knows she can call you to collect early if necessary, that's better than setting a different curfew to her peers and having her fib about where she is.

I'm basing that on my own experience as a teenager, not as a mother yet as mine are much younger

[thistimelastweek]

Knowing where they are and what they're doing is just, if not more important than an arbitrary curfew. If you can negotiate a balance that all parties are comfortable with, you will be doing really well. The important thing is that she is able to be honest about where and with whom she is.

[ChickenNotSoLittle]

Thanks so much for your replies.

I was so sure you’d all tell me that hanging out in parks after dark drinking was a definite no, lol!

She doesn’t do drugs and knows her limit with alcohol and is very honest with us. And we can track her on her iPhone ( ashamed emoji).

[Asterion]

Is it on week nights that she's out so late? Because I would be worried about her sleep.

[ChickenNotSoLittle]

I was definitely one for drinking in the woods myself aged 14+ so I don’t have a leg to stand on and don’t find the behaviour worrying In itself . It’s the worry about dodgy characters she might encounter that worries me.