Why can't I get over this small incident, and how can I?

[mcgonagalscat]

In March, I had my second DS. When he was 6 days old and lockdown had started, my 2 year old DS1 woke up in the night with a sore throat and temperature. He had a seizure and an ambulance was called. They couldn't do a covid test and they couldn't look in his mouth or ears as a ENT doctor had died that week from the hospital he was in, as he had contracted covid.
I was absolutely terrified, full of hormones from just having had DS2, and couldn't go in the ambulance or to the hospital with DS. I was worried about the germs they would get at the hospital, the germs the paramedics would bring in too.

The next morning DS1 came home and was still poorly. His temperature was getting higher throughout the day despite having Calpol. He was getting worse and worse and I called 111 but the wait was hours long. Out of hours doctors were full, my dr surgery was closed. In the end he had another seizure and another ambulance took him to hospital and the same thing happened, the same worries happened.

I couldn't see my parents because of lockdown, DH was working from home throughout. I realllly wanted the support from my mum.

When DS1 had the seizures he had a spike in temperature and woke up screaming in the night.

Since this incident in March (he recovered after a course of antibiotics) I worry constantly. I have nightmares almost every night. From the moment he is in bed I'm worried sick waiting to hear him scream. I check his temperature all the time in the night by going in and touching his head. Every time he moves on the monitor my heart races waiting for something bad to happen.

I recognise I am not acting rationally. I don't know why this is affecting me so badly- nothing really happened, he is a healthy little boy, he recovered quickly. I can't help my reactions though. If I hear him in the night calling me for any reason my heart races, I can't catch my breath, and then I get a terrible headache straight afterwards and can't go back to sleep, just lay there worrying.

I don't know how to move on?

[Esspee]

Please call to speak to your GP who will help you get through this.

[mcgonagalscat]

When I phone up what would I say to the receptionist for why I need an appointment?

[GlumyGloomer]

It's not the infection itself though is it? It's the fact that you knew your son was sick, and you struggled to get help for him. That's a horrible thing to go through, especially when you've just had a baby.
Have you talked to anyone about this? Most likely all you need is time, but please don't feel you have to keep it all to yourself because it was just a 'small incident'

[GlumyGloomer]

When I phone up what would I say to the receptionist for why I need an appointment?

You say you're having anxiety attacks. You do not need to tell them why or provide any justification.

[OuiOuiKitty]

My ds had a febrile convulsion when he was small. I was terrified for quite a long time afterwards. Seeing him fitting and completely floppy was one of the most awful things, I cant imagine what ot would have been like if we had the additional worries about accessing care like you did.

For me, time healed it. I got a really good thermometer, I dosed him with calpol as soon as his temp started to rise. Remember that you can use paracetamol and ibuprofen together. Often we had to use the 2 to get his temp down, I dont know if you use them in the UK but in Ireland using suppositories is quite common and they helped bring his temp down faster than oral paracetamol. He never had another fit, he is an annoying teenager now(and I'm an annoying mum that still feels his forehead for a temp every now and then ).

If you feel you need extra support do reach out to your GP. Try and remember that febrile convulsions are really common and often only happen once or twice.

[Babysharksmom]

My heart goes out to you OP. That was all very traumatic. I would definitley speak to the gp and explain your feelings. Hugs x

[Rummikub]

Sounds awful to go through, not a small thing, thankfully your ds recovered . It was still a traumatic experience for you. Talking to a therapist might help you process this. Private or through gp.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

It was a trauma and it will take a little time to heal. Plus right now everything feels so elevated and magnified because of the intensity of covid and ramifications.

Your son is obviously fine but what you’re feeling isn’t ‘wrong’, your reaction is normal after a shock like that - as a PP said, it wasn’t just the illness it was the struggle to get care, you not being able to go in the ambulance etc.

It was big, and terrifying - and, the anxiety will fade. Be kind to yourself and don’t berate yourself for your feelings. Reassure yourself that what you’re feeling is natural and the anxiety will pass.

[faithfulbird]

You can't get over it because it wasn't a small incident. I think you're being too hard on yourself. My daughter had a febrile convulsion last year in the summer and me and my husband were terrified. We thought she was going to die because her eyes were rolling backwards and not responding. We were both crying hysterically whilst on the phone to 999. I think you had it tough especially with being so vulnerable with a newborn baby. I just remember giving her calpol and ibuprofen afterwards alternatively for nearly a week as her temp was very high. It certainly wasn't a normal experience and even though she's not had one again, I always keep extra medicine in the house and keep on top of her temp. I have guilt that I let her temp get high and she had that fit. My mum told me I had it too as a toddler. That comforted me a little. But I honestly thought my little girl would die. I can't imagine if I had to go through that being in your situation with a newborn child and during the pandemic. The paramedics told me it wasn't my fault and I did the right thing by giving her medicine. I'm telling you you did the right thing and to worry is normal. We only saw sense & got comfort after by reading up on it and asking doctors for more info. Could you do the same? For a long time I would always worry about making my daughter too warm with her clothes, blanket etc. Your post had just triggered a feeling in my mind to make sure she's not too hot or her temperature is high.

[FiveFootTwoEyesOfBlue]

Google PTSD www.nhs.uk/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/. Your brain is reacting as if the original very frightening and traumatic event is still happening. You might get better in time without any help, but if it's affecting your day to day life so much, you need to see a therapist who specialises in PTSD. I've read that EMDR is an effective treatment.

[allinadaystwerk]

You are having a trauma response, understandably so. Its a type of PTSD that can be helped. Speak to your gp or if funds allow, have a consultation with a psychotherapist privately for about £50-60 and see what they say. Google BACP for accredited therapists.
You sound like a great mom who loves her dc

[Janaih]

Agree with pps saying likely PTSD. What you went through was a huge ordeal that you powered through on adrenaline. Now that's worn off and everyone is physically ok, you need professional help to process it

[Moo31]

Hi OP big hugs to you. My ds had a febrile convulsion last year while he was napping in his cot. I thought we had lost him. It was very traumatic. What you went through isn't a small incident. How awful not being able to go with your ds and not knowing how long it would be until help would come. And with all the emotions after having a baby. Please speak to your gp (or even your health visitor?)

[Pollypockett23]

Sorry to hear this op. Hope you manage to find a way to deal with this.

[Enrico]

Oh op you can get through this but you may need support. This was a traumatic event. Not only the health crisis itself but that you were disempowered by the health service. We like to think that in a crisis there are services who help us and it is profoundly shocking when that does not happen as it should, because there is nowhere else to turn in that circumstance. What you are experiencing is normal in context, and you are not weak or unjustified to experience it. Please do get some support and also take heed of the people saying to you that you're a good parent who did your best for your child, because they're right.

[Mayswear]

This sounds so scary OP. I would be in bits too. Be gentle on yourself and enjoy your new baby and your family.

[MarriedtoDaveGrohl]

Adding to the posters saying this is trauma. It sounds utterly horrendous. EMDR is absolutely perfect for this - it's a very quick therapy you can do on Zoom.

It's a huge deal, don't let it set in.. nip it in the bud. EMDR will mean that even though you know it happened you won't feel the emotions. Not on the NHS but you could be feeling completely different within just a couple of weeks.

[hellywelly3]

I agree I think you’re suffering from post traumatic stress. It was not a little incident. Go easy on yourself.As a mother not being able to get help and treatment for your sick child goes against everything you do. It must of been a horrendous experience and one no one wants to go through. X

[oakleaffy]

@mcgonagalscat
That must have been absolutely terrifying for you.

No wonder you feel anxious.
It is as if our bodies remember the time of day when we had a scary experience..
Night-time ...I remember the first time baby DS vomited ''properly''... He was in his cot in our room, and woke crying with a different cry..DH went to see to him, and DS vomited hard and long...I was terrified, and called the doctor...At 3am.

Dr said ''I'll pop by after 7am, as I have to see a really ill lady near you then.

He popped round, warmed his hands on the gas fire, and placed them gently on DS's belly..

DS smiled hugely.
The Dr said ''You young mums..you get so scared''...there's nothing wrong with this young man... but better safe than sorry''

But I still remember his first different cry and the 'proper' vomiting like it was yesterday.

[Italiangreyhound]

This is not a small thing, it's a big thing and you are understandably very shaken. Please do call your GP and ask for an appointment. You need to speak to someone about this and how it is affecting you.

So sorry this has happened and hope your lovely boy will continue in good health.

[TitsOutForHarambe]

Just say anxiety.

You don't need to go into very much detail with the receptionist.

[oakleaffy]

Edit: What happened to your DS was far more scary, I think I'd have been frantic.
There was a ''Perfect Storm'' of angst that came together that scared you horribly at a very vulnerable time..
You will relax in time, fear not.. A short bit of counselling could help :)

[AllTheWhoresOfMalta]

This is horrible OP and completely understandable. another voice saying speak to your GP and get some help for this.

[caringcarer]

You had to go through a terrible time with your son and could not have support of your Mum. This seems to have left you with residual anxiety and now we hear Covid is on the rise it is understandable you feel more anxious in case it happens again during lockdown. Could you buy a point on forehead thermometer? We got one for about £25. It gives me peace of mind. It might help you settle and sleep if you did a point and you know for certain dc hold has not got a temp.

[bythehairsonmychinichinchin]

It’s not a small incident, it sounds like it’s triggered you to have PND please contact t your GP and you can also talk to charities such as pandas

pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/