Advanced search

Small wedding WWYD?

(40 Posts)
BeccaBloomwood Sat 12-Sep-20 19:45:21

Posting here for traffic as I need more than just DPs opinion and I'm going to think about nothing else!

DP and I got engaged at the start of the year and before we had gotten round to setting dates and booking something Covid hit.

My dream is to have a small, fuss free wedding with minimal guests and go for a nice meal afterwards. Due to the thought of upsetting various family members we decided against this and started to plan for a medium sized wedding with approx 70 people.

As time has gone on and the stress of actually trying to organise a wedding and pay for it has really hit me, DP and I have seriously considered just doing a small wedding with 15 guests maximum. Due to the change in Covid 19 rules a meal together will most likely be off the cards as we were thinking of December when we both have annual leave booked. But we could still get married, have a meal with our children and book a nice hotel for the night.

The problem is the overwhelming guilt I feel at certain members of the family not being able to come. DP's partner are all very close and we would only be inviting his mum, gran and 3 siblings. Extended family and our nieces and nephews would miss out. I wouldn't be able to have my best friend and her children there and worry about offending step-parents as they would also not be able to come.

When broaching the subject my mum has made me feel guilty about the fact that stepdad would not be able to come and has said she thinks I should wait and throw a bigger celebration. That having a party to celebrate when everything is back to normal would be a bit silly.

So now I'm torn--do we do what we really want and get married with minimal guests a lot sooner than anticipated, save more money but risk upsetting people? Or wait until life returns back to normal and then plan a wedding for maybe Summer 2022 where we can invite all the people we want there? What puts me off is not knowing if things even will be back to normal, and having to wait so long when all I want to do is marry my best friend.

If it's relevant we both just want a simple registry office wedding, no fancy white dress and 3 course meals, just a buffet/disco type party and we are both on low incomes and would be using most of what we have saved on a wedding.

Disclaimer: i'm a few glasses into Saturday night wine time wine so sorry if this post is a jumbled mess!

OP’s posts: |
BeccaBloomwood Sat 12-Sep-20 19:50:28

Also just to add an apology for the lack of paragraphs, I did use them but for some reason both my app and the website like to make them magically disappear 🙄

OP’s posts: |
IceCreamAndCandyfloss Sat 12-Sep-20 19:51:01

I wouldn’t be spending savings on a party in the current climate, which is essentially what most of a wedding is.

If I really wanted to be married, I’d go with my household with two witnesses. The rest is non essential.

HerRoyalNotness Sat 12-Sep-20 19:54:41

I’d do the small wedding with Covid restrictions as the excuse. Who knows what things will look like in 2022?! And as PP said I wouldn’t want to use all my savings on a wedding in these times

Scarby9 Sat 12-Sep-20 19:57:00

I can see your paragraphs!

Go for the small wedding. Ride out the guilt-tripping. Apart from anything else, who knows when you will be able to have a large wedding?

Coronavirus restrictions give you the perfect opportunity to go small and get martied, which is what matters. By all means promise the large party later. By the time you can have the party, coronavirus will have eased or we will be vaccinated (or you wouldn't be allowed the party), and you will be relaxed enough to enjoy it thoroughly since it won't be tied up with the stress of the wedding and trying to please everyone.
Get married in December. Just do it!

firstimemamma Sat 12-Sep-20 19:57:08

We are having your dream small wedding in summer 2021 and absolutely can't wait. Everyone has been brilliant and very understanding apart from one friend who thinks all weddings should be big events, lots of celebrations etc. She'll come round.

I know this sounds horrible but I really wouldn't worry about offending family and friends and just have the day you both want. It's your day after all (sorry for the cliche!). Good luck whatever u decide. thanks

Scarby9 Sat 12-Sep-20 19:57:57

Get martied? Get married, obviously!

queenmother Sat 12-Sep-20 19:59:32

I'd get married and literally just have you and your husband to be and your kids. Do it without anyone even knowing. Then you can play a party or fake ceremony whenever you like but you'll know you're married.

Disfordarkchocolate Sat 12-Sep-20 20:01:17

I'd go for the small wedding. Your children and parents only.

There is no guarantee we won't have restrictions next year so I'd focus on getting married being the most important thing and go small.

user165423256322 Sat 12-Sep-20 20:06:19

Tiny wedding now. Keep the savings to live your life together. Your guilt is misplaced.

BeccaBloomwood Sat 12-Sep-20 20:06:33

Thank you so much for your replies, the fact that i'm relieved that you all say go for the small wedding makes me realise we should just do what we want to do!

A bigger wedding wouldn't be a huge cost (eg above £10,000) but is huge to us and we have worked hard to build savings back up after buying our first flat and paying off debt (nearly finished!) We also want to start home improvements on our flat without getting into debt and I kind of resent paying so much for a weddiing when I could get our boiler replaced.

I have just today ordered a dress from Coast in the sale and was so excited thinking we could really get married in a few months and the conversation with my mum burst my bubble, hence the thread.

OP’s posts: |
RedLimoncello Sat 12-Sep-20 20:18:09

Totally agree with small wedding. We had 21 at ours- immediate family only but I asked my best friend with the excuse that DH has more siblings than I do and BF is like a second sister to me.

We did have another bash the week after and asked about 60 to that- I could easily not have bothered with that but DH wanted to "pay back" friends who'd asked us to their weddings. We did substantial finger food, booze and disco. It was fun but if covid was happening then I'd have left it. The small wedding was MAGICAL. Absolutely hands down the best wedding I've ever been to^😁^And AFAIK no one was offended.

Butterbeeeen Sat 12-Sep-20 20:27:25

I got married recently OP. We had 14 people including us and our children and then we went to a local bistro cafe for afternoon tea. We didnt invite any family which was quite controversial but we didnt want to leave anyone out so we left everyone out and just invited our closest friends and their children. It was a perfect day.

RandomMess Sat 12-Sep-20 20:31:16

Small intimate wedding (Covid is the perfect excuse!!!) consider throwing a party at some point in the future.... perhaps 10 year anniversary wink

Merryhobnobs Sat 12-Sep-20 20:34:05

We didn't give people any advance notice apart from our parent and sisters. Told them 6 weeks before hand. Had a lovely personal ceremony with just them and my husbands cousin at the town Hall. We had a party at our house later that day, had told everyone it was a house warming and a birthday party. So glad we did it this way. It was 3 years ago.. Minimal stress and people were happy for us. I think if we had told people in advance people would have voiced opinions/upset.

OliviaBenson Sat 12-Sep-20 20:37:34

I'm all for just having who you want there. Extended family- no. But best friend- why not? And step parents- how close are you? If it's your mums husband I can see why she's put out? Recognising and celebrating a marriage is lovely but if you are only inviting one half of a married couple go do that, I can see why it might cause issue to be honest.

Who do you want there, if there was no 'obligation'? X

gurglebelly Sat 12-Sep-20 20:45:22

Do it, you have the perfect excuse with the Covid restrictions in place!

yikesanotherbooboo Sat 12-Sep-20 22:03:35

A close family member has just had a wedding with parents , siblings and associated tinies. The wider family couldn't have been more delighted for them and the pictures of the event were a joy. This is a large close family of two very popular and connected young people and all their associates are just happy that they are happy. This is the framing that you need.

ZiggeryZaggy Sat 12-Sep-20 23:28:32

Do you think you will be able to go for a meal afterwards, with more than 6 of you, as there is an exception for weddings and weddings receptions? As a meal afterwards counts as a wedding reception doesn’t it, and you are allowed up to 30 then.

Or maybe 30 applies to the registry office but will not for a group meal somewhere afterwards, I am still a bit confused by the new rules.

NotEvenTheKing Sat 12-Sep-20 23:40:37

Our wedding was cancelled due to Covid, and we booked for next spring. But have just changed it again to have a small ceremony in 2 months. We are only having our children and mums as we have too many siblings between us. Everyone has actually be great. The mums are excited to be able to be there. We have no idea what will happen next year and weren't prepared to wait it out for a 'proper' wedding only for us only to be able to have a small one. So we are just going for it. Feeling excited, but nervous they will cancel even small weddings again.

So, I say, go for it. The point is the be married. We are still planning on having a party, and I'm sad it's not going to be how I imagined, but what I wanted was to marry the father of my children. So, should be fun. grin

Stompythedinosaur Sun 13-Sep-20 01:43:00

I think small weddings are lovely but it sounds like you are expecting to invite your parents without their partners? I think that is not really reasonable tbh and I'm not surprised your dm is unhappy about it

Toddlerteaplease Sun 13-Sep-20 02:42:19

My sister is having a small wedding in January, on a Tuesday. With about 18 people. There will be afternoon tea and we will go out for a meal in the evening. It's perfect and much cheaper!

Toddlerteaplease Sun 13-Sep-20 02:44:05

The only people from her side will be me and our parents. She's not invited any of her old school friends, as she's moved on from them and if she invited one, she'd have to invite them all. And she couldn't care less if they are upset by that. Good for her!

Applesandpears23 Sun 13-Sep-20 03:09:20

Go for a small wedding but make sure you tell a few people that know your mum that you regret it being quite so small and feel a bit sad but are putting a brave face on it.

Jellycatspyjamas Sun 13-Sep-20 03:46:20

Apart from anything else do you really want to wait til 2022? That’s an incredibly long time to wait to get married just to have the size of wedding you don’t even want. Covid gives you a perfect excuse “we don’t want to invite lots of people and then need to cancel, and we really want to be married, thanks so much for understanding”.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in