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Would you put a 1 yr old into nursery if you didn’t have to?

(124 Posts)
FightMilkTM Sat 12-Sep-20 18:07:03

No judgement here on what people do with their own children, just looking for opinions.
My one yr old (13 month) has just started nursery two mornings a week whilst I work. There have been no tears at drop off; nothing ‘negative’ to report at drop off; all of the updates have been positive and the nursery has an excellent reputation... but I just have a nagging feeling that she’s too young. She’s there for five hours per session, so ten hours per week.
I don’t love my job, nor is it a ‘career’ that I wouldn’t be able to get back into. We could survive on my husbands wage (things would definitely be tighter) and I have my own financial interests if things were to go tits up between us (but nothing that could provide a regular income right now).
I’m tempted to quit my job and stay at home for at least another year but I’m not sure if it’s in my child’s best interests. She’s only in two mornings a week and her social life isn’t exactly packed with Covid; we probably meet up with other mums and babies once or twice a week on average.
I’m also a bit worried that the nursery will ‘blacklist’ us if we pull her out, we were lucky to get a spot and I’m doubtful that we would ‘get back in’ for three year funding etc....

OP’s posts: |
Remmy123 Sat 12-Sep-20 18:08:29


LovingLola Sat 12-Sep-20 18:10:47

I think 2 sessions a week is fine. If she is happy going in and there are no issues then I’d keep her there.

OfDragonsDeep Sat 12-Sep-20 18:17:24

I wouldn’t if you don’t have to. My DS is 12 months and the plan pre-Covid was for him to do one full day at nursery and 2 days at grandparents, but I’ve given up the nursery day at work.

It’s too much for us to deal with at the moment and I regret sending DS1 when he was that age. We’ll have another think in a year or so.

HappyDinosaur Sat 12-Sep-20 18:18:11

I did, I felt it was hard for me but a really good thing for her.

Dogsgowoofwoof Sat 12-Sep-20 18:23:22

Yes I would. My dd loves nursery and it’s good for her.

Mischance Sat 12-Sep-20 18:32:34

I do not think that nursery is necessarily of itself good for children. The fact that a child might enjoy it does not mean that they might not equally enjoy the alternative of being home with a parent.

I doubt being at nursery will do her any harm (as long as you have satisfied yourself that it is a good one) - but if your gut tells you that you would like to spend another year with her (or more, whatever) then do it. You know your child best, you know your feelings.

I doubt you are making a mint out of working by the time the nursery has been paid, and it does not sound as though the job is of any importance personally or career-wise, so why not spend some time at home with her?

Do not feel obliged to send her to nursery because people tell you it is good for her - you are the one who knows what is good for her. I left work for 5 years when my children were small and treasure the time I spent with them and the lovely things we did. They are years that go so fast, and are some of the most exciting times as the children develop. And it was fun!!

You can help her with socialising in many other ways than nursery, and you can do it on your own terms and in your own way.

Votesforpedro Sat 12-Sep-20 18:37:56

Not if I didn't have to. Those first years go by so quickly and at that age benefit most from spending time with the primary care giver, not nursery.

tinierclanger Sat 12-Sep-20 18:41:26

But you do need to, for work? Just because you could manage if you stopped working, doesn’t mean you should. The title sort of implies you’d just be sitting around doing nothing if she wasn’t there.

SpinningWheelOfFortune Sat 12-Sep-20 18:43:25

Yes, absolutely would, I think it's good for them and 2 mornings a week is nothing

CrazyOldBagLady Sat 12-Sep-20 18:45:40

I wouldn't if I didn't have to. I dont think it's of any real benefit to a one year old to go to nursery.

Suzi888 Sat 12-Sep-20 18:45:50

I had the luxury of first year off, then parental childcare. In the end I sent her in one morning per week (whenever she woke up, unless she was up and active by 8am until 2pm) I feel she missed out though.
Children seem to thrive in a childcare setting, with friends around. I think it gives them confidence.

GeorginaTheGiant Sat 12-Sep-20 18:56:07

I think you’re asking the wrong question OP. It’s not like you’re sending a child to nursery so you can have time to yourself, it’s so you can work. So the question should be, would you work (requiring sending a child to nursery) if you didn’t have to. And my answer to that is a resounding yes. We are fortunate and could live off just my husband’s full time salary. But neither he or I want that so we both work four days per week. I live my career, want to progress, value my pension contributions etc. Full time would be too much for me but the thought of not working at all makes me shudder for many reasons. There have been some very feisty threads recently about being a SAHM versus working, but I think that’s actually the question you’re asking. If your child goes to nursery while you work then of course that is part of weighing up that option. Out of interest do you have a partner and have they made any career compromises as a result of needing to look after their child?

TCMcK Sat 12-Sep-20 18:58:00

I was at home with both of my children until they went to school. They both attended school nursery aged 3 for 15 hours. When my youngest started school I got a job at the school. Being at home was the best thing and I don’t regret it at all. They are both confident & happy children. They were both well socialised as we went to playgroups & met up with friends. You don’t have to put children in a nursery to socialise them! I would say go with your gut, you never get these years back! smile

SqidgeBum Sat 12-Sep-20 18:58:40

I have been signed off work as I am 33 weeks pregnant. DD is 1. She is going in 2 days a week. It's good for her development and for me to have some time. I did feel when I was working that I didnt need to work (financially it only benefitted us by about £100 a month) but she really does well being in nursery.

RunningFromInsanity Sat 12-Sep-20 19:01:23

It will then be easier for her to be apart from you later on. She gets to interact with other people/children. Experience new things.

cptartapp Sat 12-Sep-20 19:08:18

DC1 went at four months pt and DC2 at five months pt, for my benefit really, not theirs. I went back to work for my mental health and a break, I didn't have to work at all. They're now 17 and 15 and I have absolutely no regrets. They're top set, bright independent kids, and we're all bonded well enough.
People say those early years pass so quickly but god, some days at home were long. I have never regretted it for a second.

Metallicalover Sat 12-Sep-20 19:09:48

I don't have to send my child to nursery as I work part time so childcare is shared between myself and my husband. 1-2 days per week she may need cared for by our parents but that depends on what shifts I'm working.

It's a very personal thing, everyone has different circumstances etc but I don't think that nurseries at a young age beneficial and that they need to go. Yes children enjoy it and feel settled there and can interact with others and it's good for people that work and need childcare. However you don't need nursery for those things you can do that at home or being looked after by relatives.
My child will go to nursery for 15 hours when she is 3 and starting the early years curriculum, that is when I think it is beneficial.
People also may argue that homeschooling is also beneficial and you don't need to go to a formal school setting x

Diverseduvet Sat 12-Sep-20 19:11:21

I think 10 hours a week is a perfect amount of time at that age.

Charleyhorses Sat 12-Sep-20 19:11:27

For 10 hours a week? Without a second thought.

FightMilkTM Sat 12-Sep-20 19:12:00

@tinierclanger & @GeorginaTheGiant
I totally get the argument that work is not just for financial gain but I tried to make my feelings clear in the OP. When I was pregnant we actually planned for my husband to go down to 4 days a week so that both of our careers took somewhat of a hit. But having now had the baby, being a mother is the single most important thing in my life and I’m just not fussed about my job (which like I said will not be affected by taking another year, or more, off) - totally understand and respect that for many women their career is a massively important aspect of who they are and that’s great - for them!
I would only be staying in work because I may as well not sit on my arse whilst the baby is in nursery - not the other way around.

Thanks in general for opinions, good to hear all sides.

OP’s posts: |
Isadora2007 Sat 12-Sep-20 19:13:05

No not a one year old I wouldn’t.

PaternosterLoft Sat 12-Sep-20 19:14:40

DS went at 18 months because for those 18 months he had been attached to me 24/7. If he couldn't see me, he screamed. He would only sleep with his forehead pressed against mine. DH would do all he could but it was never enough. So DS went to nursery just so I could breathe. He was later diagnosed with ASD but we had no idea then. I needed the space so that I could parent him and the other DC for the rest of the time.

jessstan2 Sat 12-Sep-20 19:15:12

If she is quite content there for two mornings a week, I wouldn't worry. She probably enjoys it, she's at the age to be toddling around and will get used to other children.

If she screamed when you took her I'd say take her away but she doesn't.

Full time would be a bit much I think but she will be fine. Don't give up your job!

Isadora2007 Sat 12-Sep-20 19:15:27

Babies don’t need socialised by anything other than time with their mum or career doing normal everyday things.
They can’t talk so can’t tell you what went on that day, so again I wouldn’t leave my baby with anyone other than a close relative at that age. Too many young girls who do childcare but haven’t a clue about babies...and often a quick turnover of staff... so less chance to actually create any form of secure attachment.

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