Did I make the wrong decision?

[Rings87]

Hi,

Yesterday I let my 6 (almost 7 year old) daughter go to the cinema with a couple of friends after school and their mum's.
However, I think I got the wrong end of the stick. When I was asked, I mentioned I needed to pick up my 3 year old and so the other mum said she could pick my eldest, take them to the cinema and if the little one wanted to come they could wait. I thought best not to make them wait so said go ahead and we will wait until the end of the movie to pick up oldest.

After the movie the two mum's seemed a little upset with me. I took it as I shouldn't have accepted the invite as my daughter apparently chatted a lot with one of the other girls and ended up wanting the loo half way through. With Covid, the seating was spread out a lot so they couldn't sit nearby to stop the talking.

I am not good at reading between the lines and making the right decision but I can't help but think maybe I shouldn't have let her go in the first place?

Thoughts please?

[Anordinarymum]

When they asked you what exactly did they say?

[Rings87]

That they could pick up my daughter and when they picked up their kids and take them to the cinema. If my youngest wanted to watch then they could wait.

The time they were selected (4:10) then looked like we could go but I couldn't make up my mind as to if I should join with the youngest as she might not sit through. But then they changed the time to 3:15 and I had mentioned pick up time is at 3:10 for youngest which takes half hour round trip

[FortunesFave]

Did you offer them money to cover her ticket/snacks?

[Rings87]

No I didn't but I guess I assumed there was an understanding that I will pay them afterwards.

After the movie they all wanted to have dinner together but one mum and her two children went of home. The other mum with her son tried to walk off after I gave her money for the movie but then changed her mind and had dinner with us when her son begged her to have dinner with us. It was then that she told me about my daughter talking all the way through and wanting the toilet. It was an awkward start but we chatted like normal afterwards and I insisted on paying for dinner.

I just don't get it but please help me understand it. I really want to know what I did wrong so that I can learn from it.

[FortunesFave]

Well here's the thing...you did nothing wrong. If they are being cold towards you because your child chatted to much then that's THEIR problem.

You were quite clear and you paid for your own child. You did nothing wrong, they sound a bit weird.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

It’s clear they intended for you to come and supervise your child. The offer was for them to wait while you sorted things out with your youngest, and then come along and take responsibility for your six year old. I imagine they felt cornered into taking care of your kid, and then you left them to it. They couldn’t relax and enjoy the film with their DC because your unsupervised (and very little) child chattered all the way through and needed the loo etc. Which you should have been there to deal with.

She’s too young to dump and run. I would have been irritated too.

However it’s just a mix up and it sounds like you tried to make amends by buying dinner.

In future never assume it will be ok for other parents to look after your child in these situations. Live and learn! I’m sure everyone concerned will forgive and forget but be mindful in future.

[WWYD00]

I honestly don't know what you did wrong. I think you made it clear you wouldn't be there. The children are 6 years old, they need the loo and don't ever stop talking. I think being upset is a bit weird and you paying for dinner is lovely but wholly unnecessary imo.

[FortunesFave]

Atrocious really? I never got that from OP's post. But I bow to your understanding because to be honest, I struggle a bit with social expectations.

I disagree she's too young to dump and run though...my DDs and their mates have been 'dumped' on one another's parents since about 5!

The other parents should have been clear in my opinion...they should have said 'Oh no, you'd better come along or we could all do it another time"

Or something.

OP what exactly did the Mums say when you told them you'd leave it and collect her after the movie? Did they just say "Ok"? Or anything else?

[donnadenise]

They didn't expect to be looking after your child for you

[Anordinarymum]

@donnadenise

They didn't expect to be looking after your child for you

this

[FortunesFave]

Donna then why didn't they say no? It's possible to say no politely...if I was one of those Mums and didn't want the responsibility I'd say

"Let's wait till we can all go together with our kids...we'll make another date" or something like that..so the Mother knew I wanted them to come along but that we didn;t want to babysit. People aren't clear...then they get annoyed! Silly.

[Rings87]

Thanks. I do wished they hadn't suggested picking up my daughter. I just didn't want my daughter to miss out. I always do a bad job reading between the lines.

I do feel its clear they didn't want to be left supervising my child and just have to try get over this episode now :(

[YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake]

@donnadenise

They didn't expect to be looking after your child for you

Definitely this

[AtrociousCircumstance]

It was a mix up, don’t beat yourself up OP. Your intentions were good and you tried to make amends. The other parents will put it behind them I’m sure.

[Nikori]

We all have mix-ups sometimes, OP, so please don't worry about it.

It does sound like they expected you to come too and that they got stuck paying for your daughter's ticket.

[MagMell]

It was just a misunderstanding, OP. Forget about it.

[FortunesFave]

I do wished they hadn't suggested picking up my daughter. I just didn't want my daughter to miss out

I'd feel the same way! Why can't people be clear? I can never read between the lines and I don't really see why anyone should have to!

[RosieLemonade]

They are very immature if they are acting this way over this incident. I don’t think many 6 year olds would sit the whole way through the film at a cinema without going to the toilet. And surely one parent would take all the kids anyway rather then everyone leaving to go to the toilet.

[ShesMadeATwatOfMePam]

They should have spoken up if they weren't happy with the arrangements.

[Auto]

If your DD was chatting then surely at least one of theirs was chatting too?

[slipperywhensparticus]

I woud have assumed the same Thing why pick the child up? Why not say meet you outside the cinema we will get a group discount ticket you can pay me back afterwards

[Nikori]

@Auto

If your DD was chatting then surely at least one of theirs was chatting too?

Not necessarily!

[RiftGibbon]

If the invite was for you to come with your child, they should have said. I don't know why people can't be clear in communication. If I had been offered the same opportunity I would have understood it the same way.
From experience now, whenever I arrange anything involving DC's friends or classmates I always specify whether parental attendance is needed.

[Rings87]

Thank you all for your opinions; much appreciated and definitely something to bear in mind. Being a mother is a challenge as well as not upsetting other mums, lol

[user1493494961]

Well, they might have been OK taking your DD but hadn't bargained on her talking all the way through the film, I think that was the problem.