I have dyspraxia which may be the cause, GP said spatial perception is all off and my core strength is crap - so poor balance .
Since I was a child I have been absolutely terrified of heights . Staircases, windows, hills, mountains, cliffs, the sky, street lamps, towers, monuments, shopping malls, theatres, cinema, rollercoasters, bridges, hotels, large windows, churches, balconies, trees, tall buildings - I am absolutely petrified of the lot...
I have left a degree because I couldn’t cope with the fact that my classes were in a 17 floor high rise . I’ve left a job because it was a hospital with 12 floors . I’ve never flown, or been on a boat, or anything like that .
I’m quite used to going to buildings and having to crawl out or go downstairs on my bum . Even at seventeen on a school trip to a castle I remember my teachers having to hold my hands to guide me back downstairs.
I actively avoid pubs, etc, in case they have big ceilings .
It’s become a bigger problem as I’ve gotten older as people are less understanding, you have to go to heights to fit in with the rest of the world but I’m struggling immensely . I think nothing of paying £50 for a taxi so I don’t have to use the bus station which has four floors . Order all stuff online so I don’t need to be in a supermarket . Don’t visit the city so I don’t need to see tall buildings.
Sometimes people do want to help but with my degree, they said it would be absurd to expect them to do all my classes on the ground floor (understandably - it was the disability service who asked) . I’ve been told I can go back (on pause) to complete my studies but I don’t know how I can, when I can’t go into the classrooms without a crippling fear .
It’s a completely irrational thing that takes over - my legs wont move, my heart pounds/flutters, face flushes, my ears ring, and I have the horrible feeling that I will collapse and die or gravity will reverse and I’ll float up - or in some cases I get a horrible urge to chuck my handbag or myself over the edge .
I’ve had psychotherapy before and they said force myself up to tall buildings and sit until I calm down, but that’s not something I feel able to do - I’m scared that’s the only cure, I’m desperate for this to just go and get a normal life . What can I do ?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.
Chat
Disabling fear of heights is stopping me from living a normal life
17 replies
fearofheights · 06/09/2020 12:24
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.