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Help me stay strong and not tidy the kitchen

(41 Posts)
Redraptor Fri 04-Sep-20 16:16:44

Everyone in my house is full of cold. i feel rotten. I had very little sleep last night due to looking after dd2. This morning I asked dh to do the dishwasher and wipe down the benches before work. He asked if he could do it later, I asked what time that would be and he said 2pm.

He then went off to work. Came home at 12 for lunch and I said dont forget the dishwasher. His reply was "have you not done it yet?" Obviously hes hoping if he leaves it long enough I'll do it but for once I'm standing firm. I'm not being lazy, I'm doing other things and looking after poorly kids

Dishes have piled up all day from the 4 of us and the benches are gross. I've managed to prepare dinner around the mess but I want to clean it so bad!

Its now 4.15 and hes sitting doing paperwork, by that I mean hes playing on snapchat

I really want to clean it. Tell me not to!

OP’s posts: |
Grellbunt Fri 04-Sep-20 16:17:35


Itsrainingnotmen Fri 04-Sep-20 16:18:24

I would be accidentally switching the WiFi off. And don't you dare make his tea...

Aquamarine1029 Fri 04-Sep-20 16:19:02

If I were you, I think my husband would be buried in the back garden by now. Tell him to get off his arse and do his share.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 04-Sep-20 16:19:21


If dh is normally hands on then is there a reason he is swerving this job? Or dobyou always have to ask him to do stuff?

Me and dh just crack on with what needs doing round the house so typically don't need to ask each other to do stuff. If we are asked, then it gets done at some point in the day.

BamboozledandBefuddled Fri 04-Sep-20 16:20:16

Absolutely don't! Make yourself a cup of tea (not him!) and go and sit down for a bit. Selfish git! (Him, not you)

Bluntness100 Fri 04-Sep-20 16:20:44

Don’t do it.

Just let it build up. Add some constant reminders like that kitchen a fucking mess but I’m not doing it.

He will get off his arse eventully.

If you do it, it’s your job for ever more and he wins.

Jakey056 Fri 04-Sep-20 16:31:01


I don't have much advice but I am a man but I posted a similar thread recently and got well roasted but as I have seen on Mumsnet the replies are very gendered. You may like to take a look at the thread and see if you can filter out some semblance of sense from it. Good Luck. I hate mess too.

PegasusReturns Fri 04-Sep-20 16:31:44

Can you just ask him why he’s avoiding it?

No judgment or blame, but a clarification of whether he believes it’s your responsibility.

Pombearbuffet Fri 04-Sep-20 16:32:03

Is he going to push you so far you lose the plot then he acts like you’re unreasonable and bad tempered and he would have done it anyway? Cut your losses, kill him now and use the life insurance to get a cleaner.

BillywilliamV Fri 04-Sep-20 16:33:09

Just tell him to empty the fucking dish washer.
No wonder so many relationships seem to fail on MN!

Redraptor Fri 04-Sep-20 16:33:15

He doesn't do tons around the house because i only work 2 days pw but yesterday and today hes been having easy days because he he has cold too.

I don't ask for help much but he knows I'm feeling like shit. He watched films yesterday and just worked a half day today so I'm not asking too much

Hes just gone to make himself a coffee and gone "ah fuck". Hes become back out but I'm saying nothing and staying strong for now

OP’s posts: |
Letseatgrandma Fri 04-Sep-20 16:34:00

I’d say, ‘when you said you were going to do it at 2pm, what has stopped you?’

managedmis Fri 04-Sep-20 16:35:19

Don't. I caved this morning and emptied the bin. I'm still pissed off

managedmis Fri 04-Sep-20 16:36:18

My DH had the audacity to say 'AND I cleaned the kitchen!!' yesterday.

He's on furlough! Fuck all to do!

Sparklfairy Fri 04-Sep-20 16:37:50

have you not done it yet? angry

SummerHouse Fri 04-Sep-20 16:39:21

Short term pain long term gain. Come on OP. You've come this far. Don't let that mess tempt you. Just hold out a little longer. Let's run a book on the completion time just to keep you occupied while you don't do it yourself.

I am going 5.46 pm on the nose!

billyt Fri 04-Sep-20 16:44:34


I'm a bloke and I wouldn't even think twice about emptying a bloody dishwasher grin Wouldn't take five minutes.

'Haven't you done it yet?' He sounds like a lazy fucker and sees it as your job to do housework

What a knob!

Don't do it....

vanillandhoney Fri 04-Sep-20 16:46:57

He then went off to work. Came home at 12 for lunch and I said dont forget the dishwasher. His reply was "have you not done it yet?"

Ooft. Cheeky fucker. Don't you dare do it. And don't cook him dinner either.

Redraptor Fri 04-Sep-20 16:48:08

Ahh theres movement in there now! Lots of groaning haha

OP’s posts: |
TorkTorkBam Fri 04-Sep-20 16:48:19

Say nothing. Do nothing.

He said he would do it. He is a grown man. So, you can be certain he will do it. Act accordingly. wink

TorkTorkBam Fri 04-Sep-20 16:48:56

Result! Go out for a walk or something. Don't give attention to the moans and groans.

DolphinsAndNemesis Fri 04-Sep-20 16:48:56

Stay strong, OP. It's a 5-minute task, for heaven's sake. He can certainly find time for that in his busy (ha!) schedule.

DolphinsAndNemesis Fri 04-Sep-20 16:50:28

Ah, cross post. Glad he's finally doing it, despite the teenager-like groaning.

Soubriquet Fri 04-Sep-20 16:51:00

Staaaaay strong OP

Hopefully the next time you go in there, it’s spotless

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