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If you live approx 6 hours from family/ in-laws how often do you visit?

(49 Posts)
Thneedville Sun 30-Aug-20 21:36:50

Just wondering.

It’s 6 hours to the in-laws with normal traffic. Best we’ve done it is 4.5 hours I think. Quite often 8 or 9 hours recently.

We go 3 times a year (other than this year!) one of those is normally a week. Plus often a 4th for a special birthday or wedding. We stay in holiday cottage or caravan as we don’t fit in anyone’s house.

OP’s posts: |
LunaLoved Sun 30-Aug-20 21:39:38

What is your question

Thneedville Sun 30-Aug-20 21:46:05

My question is exactly what it says in the title

OP’s posts: |
JockTamsonsBairns Sun 30-Aug-20 21:48:21

I live nearly 4 hours from DM and DSis and, under normal circumstances, visit about 5 times a year.
PILs live five and a half hours (on a good traffic day) in the opposite direction, and we visit once or twice a year.

Difference in regularity is, DM is frail and housebound and is unable to visit me, whereas PILs are fit and healthy, and often come to stay with us. Also, they have a full social calendar, so it's not always easy to fit visits around that. Also, if I'm honest, I have a slightly strained relationship with MIL, so once or twice a year is plenty for me. DH is welcome to go more often if he chooses smile

bathorshower Sun 30-Aug-20 21:54:18

My parents live a little further than that, which is too far for a weekend imo (it would be a lot of time in the car...). We typically visit twice a year; they also sometimes come here - both are fit, healthy and retired, so easier for them to travel than for us. They have an enormous house (so we stay there); when they come to us they sometimes stay, but it's cramped. However they can easily afford a hotel, so I don't feel particularly bad about it!

Thneedville Sun 30-Aug-20 22:02:04

I’m sure our visits are perfectly normal in frequency, I’m just looking for excuses.

I was adding up how many times I’d driven down that bloody motorway and I realised that BIL, who lives in same town as us, gets away with only visiting once a year.

I have suggested DH go alone sometimes, he doesn’t appear keen.

OP’s posts: |
bathorshower Sun 30-Aug-20 22:03:18

and never for a week; I'm under no illusions as to how that would end (and these are my parents not pil).

MrsSpenserGregson Sun 30-Aug-20 22:08:48

My ILs (who are DIFFICULT) live 200 miles away. Taking the roads (it’s not all motorway) and traffic into consideration, it can take anything from 4 to 7 hours to get there.

When the children were small we would visit once / twice per year, plus DH would go a couple of times on his own. Now the children are teens and I don’t go at all (except for funerals). DH takes the teens if they want to go, or goes alone, 2-3 times per year (different this year due to Covid). Suits me fine 😉

Wifeofbikerviking Sun 30-Aug-20 22:12:31

Once a year. Cant afford more at the moment and driving on the motorway scares me

Thneedville Sun 30-Aug-20 22:15:07

The in-laws are in a beautiful part of the country, and the younger members of the family are great, so I don’t mind going for a week and making it a holiday. But one week a year would suit me fine!

OP’s posts: |
RedCatBlueCat Sun 30-Aug-20 22:21:13

PiL come up here maybe once every other year.
We all go down to them once year. I send DH and the kids once year.

Every 3 years or so, we usually end up in PiL home country for 2 weeks together. I have been known to send DH plus varying number of kids alone for this delightful trip too.

Sewsosew Sun 30-Aug-20 22:25:43

30 years ago we could do it in 3 hours, but with more traffic it creeped up to 4-4.5.
We used to go fairly often 4-6+ times, DH would also go alone.
One year I went 11 times (DH went more), that Christmas I spent a week being lectured about how we never made the effort, how we never visited. PILs came every 2 years, BIL every 10 (because it was ‘too far’).
MIL used to complain we couldn’t ‘pop up after work’ mid week to go for a meal though.
So I stopped making an effort and went far fewer times. PILs passed away and I haven’t been since, I think it’s BILs turn if he wants to see us. None of the rest of DHs family would make an effort to even travel across town to see us, so not going to see them either.
It’s great now!

mindutopia Sun 30-Aug-20 22:48:20

BIL lives about 6 hours (drive) away. We see him maybe 3-4 times a year. My family lives abroad, a 10 hour flight, and we see them usually 2-3 times a year. MIL lives about an hour and a half away and we see her maybe 4 times a year. Roughly all about the same.

mindutopia Sun 30-Aug-20 22:49:11

I should add that other than my family who live abroad, we only see each other for a night or two.

clpsmum Sun 30-Aug-20 22:54:20

I live six hours away from my family and generally visit once a year x

Mamagotskills Sun 30-Aug-20 22:59:19

3-4 times a year for about 2-3 nights a time

frugalkitty Sun 30-Aug-20 23:07:33

We've got it down to once a year (beach holiday!) now the kids are teens but when they were little we'd go three or four times. DH's sister is local though, so it's not as if they don't have anyone close by (my in laws) but his brother lives way further than we do and has only been back once in I don't know how many years.

Shizzlestix Mon 31-Aug-20 00:14:22

Once a year and they used to come here once a year. Dad died last year out of the blue, so getting mum down will be tricky, even if we pick her up at the station, she is reluctant to travel.

Deelish75 Mon 31-Aug-20 00:49:51

I visit twice a year (Easter and summer) and they come to me for Christmas or New Year.

Stompythedinosaur Mon 31-Aug-20 01:24:49

When dm loved that far away I went once or twice a year. She came to me more often, but dragging the dc that far was a massive effort. We used to set off at 6pm and arrive around midnight, as at least then the dc would sleep.

Guineapigbridge Mon 31-Aug-20 01:42:51

Three or four times a year. We usually try and combine it with some other purpose, as well as visiting parents/ILs.

JoJoSM2 Mon 31-Aug-20 03:59:46

I’m foreign and the journey takes 6-7h door-to-door (including a flight). Pre-children, I went back about 6 times a year and my family visited every other year or so.
We had DS 2 years ago, and been back several times, have done 3 holidays together and had people stay over for a couple of weeks at a time to help when DS was a newborn.

Charleyhorses Mon 31-Aug-20 04:41:23

In normal times I would visit dmum about once every 6/8 weeks and she would come up to see us by train once in between visits.
She is on her own though. And I am the only child that puts any effort in.

Sceptre86 Mon 31-Aug-20 07:57:25

I live 4 hours away from my parents and we go about three to four times a year, unless I am on maternity leave when we go more often. It has been nearly a year since I last went as my fil had been ill and then passed away, then covid happened and there had been lots of localised lockdowns around where they live.

Sceptre86 Mon 31-Aug-20 07:58:57

Should have said my mum will come up maybe twice a year for a few days but my dad struggles with the journey so only for a special birthday for the kids, funerals or to see his grandchildren when they were newborn.

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