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Our forever home is a flat. Will my DC be judged?

(61 Posts)
dayknight19 Fri 28-Aug-20 21:23:30

I wasn’t raised in the UK but have been living here for a very long time so would like to get some perspective.
We live in a posh part of North London in a 3 bed flat (with a garden) and have one child. Won’t be having more kids. We love our flat. It’s super central, it’s big and we don’t need more space.
All our friends and nearly the entire NCT group sold up their flats in our hood and moved out to buy a house.
Our DC will be attending a local primary (0.3 miles catchment area) and it turns out the school is entirely surrounded by houses worth £2m up and maybe a handful of flats.
Maybe I am being ridiculous but I am thinking that our child might be considered less off amongst her peers? Perhaps would my child be treated differently?
It just feels like that everyone here has to have a house when they have a child. This is not the case in Europe at least not in the big cities where I am originally from.
For the record neither we can nor we would spend £2m to buy a house in our area nor would we move out of our area.

OP’s posts: |
McTav Fri 28-Aug-20 21:28:54

Does it matter? If you're happy and DC is happy, then enjoy your flat.

If anyone judges you for that, then they're someone whose opinion doesn't matter.

Teach your DC that people's worth isn't in what they own, it's in being a good person.

ladypete Fri 28-Aug-20 21:48:27

Your OP states you are in a nice area, are in the catchment for good schools, have enough space and have a garden.

I don’t see an issue smile

sleepyhead Fri 28-Aug-20 22:02:35

Definitely not. I grew up in an area where most people had houses, some had mahoosive houses, and some had flats.

No-one cared.

Mimishimi Fri 28-Aug-20 22:21:06

Noone cares. Some of my daughter's friends lived in massive houses and thought that us living in the middle of the city and on a popular eat street in a 3 bedroom flat was really cool.

TheHighestSardine Fri 28-Aug-20 22:26:29

You might be judged by twats. Should you care? No.

Quire Fri 28-Aug-20 22:48:10

Are you really going to uproot your happy life on the offchance your child might get a couple of snide comments from classmates in ten years’time? No.

GisAFag Fri 28-Aug-20 22:54:41

In the kindest way please just stop. If people judge you then you'll be happy you were right. Because no has anything better to do

Nighttimefreedom Fri 28-Aug-20 23:00:48

My forever home is also a flat in an area where most people live in houses.
But its perfect for us but I do get what you mean.
In the end though, its what works for you that matters and I always think it will do their friends good to see not everyone lives in a house, we're all different and do things differently.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 28-Aug-20 23:06:36

I fail to see what you're worried about. You are massively overthinking about the potential opinions of twats who don't even matter.

MamaMumMama Fri 28-Aug-20 23:14:30


bookmum08 Fri 28-Aug-20 23:16:16

For children other people houses (or flats) are always exciting and they will always find something that is more 'cool' than what they have at home. Child A has a TV in the kitchen, child B has a pink toilet, child C has bunk beds in their room. To other children this is all interesting and awesome. Does your flat have a lift? To a child that lives in a house having a lift is "soooo cool".
Don't worry about it. Kids don't care about this stuff. When they are old enough to care they are old enough to understand that every family and their lives are different.

ItsTimeToPlayTheMusic Fri 28-Aug-20 23:22:46

I mean, it’s basically a really nice terraced bungalow with neighbours on top. Why are you stressed? There is literally no need to be stressed.

Immigrantsong Fri 28-Aug-20 23:24:50

Your DC and you will be judged by people on all sorts of random things. That's life and people. All you can do is have thick skin and stand up for each other.

dayknight19 Fri 28-Aug-20 23:36:56

Thank you everyone. You made me feel better.
Both of us are not from the UK and our families live abroad. Our DC is an only child so we would like her to make good friends growing up here. That’s why I was a bit worried about the flat/house situation and would that impact her making friends. But I have probably thinking too much into it and making more of a deal than it really is.

OP’s posts: |
Theyweretheworstoftimes Fri 28-Aug-20 23:43:04

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Don't worry or even think about what people think.

Most kids in most cities grow up in apartments/flats no one even gives it a second thought.

PercyKirke Sat 29-Aug-20 00:03:48

No. I was brought up in a flay in S London, like you, with a garden. Nobody's ever judged me for it so far as I am aware.

DramaAlpaca Sat 29-Aug-20 00:36:54

If I lived in London I'd love a flat like yours. It sounds fabulous. Don't stress.

Frownette Sat 29-Aug-20 01:06:51

Don't be daft, you like your home and it suits your family's needs.

Please don't install into your children that they are judged all the time.

latticechaos Sat 29-Aug-20 01:19:12


Don't be daft, you like your home and it suits your family's needs.

Please don't install into your children that they are judged all the time.


Plus also think about the fact that many people have no home at all. Do you judge them?

My house is not grand. I don't care what anyone thinks, there are reasons we are here and we are no better or worse because we live in this box instead of that box.

NeverTwerkNaked Sat 29-Aug-20 01:27:53

I grew up in an enormous house, and it never crossed my mind to think anything less of people who lived in small houses/flats. As others have said, often they had something at their house that I longed for! (Like peace and quiet without siblings, or a beautiful modern bedroom - mine was filled with antiques and I found that excruciatingly embarrassing!)

HathorX Sat 29-Aug-20 01:32:55

Just to say that you people might be a bit naive . I was bullied for living in a council house as a teen. Being perceived as poor can be an issue if you find yourself among a wealthy set. My brother and I both felt ashamed sometimes, especially my brother, as our secondary school was in a wealthy area. Im not proud of that fact, and i worked really hard to protect my mum from knowing. My brother rarely brought friends home. I did have friends who didn't care at all, of course. Kids often look for a point of difference and go in for the kill, it's a pity but you should be prepared for it when DC are older. It's possible.

ladybirdsarelovely33 Sat 29-Aug-20 01:50:59

I had cousins who lived in a flat when we were growing up
I thought having everything one level was so cool. I loved it.

IdblowJonSnow Sat 29-Aug-20 01:54:39

Don't be so daft OP. They will probably love the novelty of it.

user1471538283 Sat 29-Aug-20 07:28:43

Your flat sounds wonderful! I was partly raised in a flat outside the uk and a bungalow inside the uk and I loved it! In fact when we move we are moving into a flat or a bungalow. Houses are over rated and lack longevity as we age

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