Any dyspraxics want to chat?

[bicyclesaredeathtraps]

Hi!
On a thread the other day it became apparent that there's quite a few dyspraxic women on here. I thought it would be nice to have somewhere to chat, about coping mechanisms for work, family, whatever, what we wish we'd known, diagnosis and so on - or anything you like! As-yet-undiagnosed people are of course welcome, as it's practically impossible to get diagnosed as an adult on the NHS 🙄
I'd appreciate it if this remained a space for adult dyspraxics though, rather than people wondering if their child might be - we can spend a lot of time explaining it so it's nice to have a break
I hope some of you join me!

[victoriasponge678]

Hi I'm not diagnosed but now I have a son who I think is dyspraxic I have realised I too probably am.

There are lots of things I can't do as an adult e.g ride a bike, drive a car or play sports that require coordination. Also really struggle even as an adult with writing and being very disorganised. I used to joke about not even being able to tie my shoe laces properly and really struggle with simple things like styling my hair or plaiting my daughter's hair.

[victoriasponge678]

Sorry was going to add about coping mechanisms.

I avoid things I can't do like sport etc.
Live on a good bus route to avoid the need to drive
Work is where I have my biggest challenges - I did quite well academically, but struggle so much with spelling, writing, remembering things:

I have a good job, senior manager and it can take me ages to some very very simple tasks e.g. write emails, update logs. I cope by picking up the phone or pre Covid walking to see people in the office to discuss things
I can't write papers for board meetings so I start with a PowerPoint , write things out in bullet form and them copy into a paper and make into sentences

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Yes! What a good idea. DH was the one who spotted I am probably dyspraxic and all of a sudden the struggles I had had growing up and as an adult made such much sense. I actually cried when it all became clear.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

One coping mechanism for me is accepting I just can't organise space and so paying for a cleaner to tidy and clean each week.

[Maverick66]

My adult dad is dyspraxia but she drives.
She has learned different coping skills over the years.
She has low muscle tone.
Double jointed.
Clumsy and awkward.
Gets confused very quickly.
Always seems to be in your way if we go shopping together.

[Maverick66]

*adult daughter

[sahbear]

DS has a dx of dypraxia. I identify with lots of those things, but feel too old to consider any sort of dx myself. I can't open carrier bags at supermarkets, my shoelaces are always coming undone, I can't catch or co-ordinate for those sorts of sports, and I often can't find where I have parked my car. I have a degree and professional qualifications and am good at my job, but it explains a lot growing up. I think I just avoided the things I found difficult.

[victoriasponge678]

Was just thinking about coping mechanism I use around the house and I think they are my husband! My room looks worse than my teenagers sons - so messy and disorganised. I always thought it was just me that was incapable but now I realise that is the dyspraxia. I have in the past taken 2 days off work to sort it and then within a week it's worse than it was.

However my husband organises our kitchen and cupboards.

The only way I can cope is to have a place for everything to go. My 5 daughters room is often messy but as her mum I tidy it up and have a place or box for everything so I can sort it out quite quickly.

Packing was / is my worst nightmare. I can't seem to plan properly so end up with way to much. My best friend bought me packing cubes and they are amazing so bought more for the rest of the family. It helps me just break stuff down into smaller amounts and is so much more easier to keep on top of

[TeenPlusTwenties]

My eldest is happier now she knows how to 'own' her dyspraxia at work.
She explains not only that she has it, but how it impacts her and, most importantly, what other people need to do.

[SarahAndQuack]

I have a SpLD - it's been variously diagnosed as dyslexia or dyspraxia or a bit of both, but it's along those lines.

I'm lucky in that I've had a diagnosis of some sort since I was 13, and have had it renewed in adulthood so I could get disabled students' allowance. But virtually my whole family has versions of it, so my mum was really on the ball about it.

I can't manage numbers well and some fine motor skills - my three year old is already much better than me and I'll get her to do things for me occasionally. But I'm really used to doing things my own way.

Actually, what I wish I'd known most was how to recognise the symptoms in my mum. Ironically, she's the one who pushed for diagnoses for us children, but she's never been diagnosed and she is so dyspraxic! So many things she just can't do, and I grew up assuming they were normal. Now I have a small child I really notice. So for example, I thought it was inevitable if you made a cake, you'd get flour and butter everywhere, and you'd struggle to get it in the tin neatly, and then you'd spill things everywhere. But on the plus side she is super patient with my toddler, because it just doesn't phase her that DD will spill the flour or whatever.

I also notice things she just leaves undone automatically, like she can't unlock an unfamiliar door or a latch, and if you do it for her, she can't close it again. She seems more bothered by this as she ages, so I am slightly apprehensive about what it'll be like with a more elderly parent who's dyspraxic - I suspect her coping strategies will gradually go, sadly.

[SarahAndQuack]

Ugh, now I'm going to forget if it's phase or faze. I can't remember. But you know the one I mean.

[Yankathebear]

My ds has dyspraxia and I really recognise myself in the symptoms and behaviours.
It causes massive anxiety for me so really interested to see how others cope. My biggest problems are my coordination, memory and organisational skills.

[victoriasponge678]

The mess with baking is one I really recognise (as I stand in a kitchen covered in mess from making bread)

[Elderflower14]

Hi. I'm dyspraxic and so is my son..
I'm undiagnosed but forced my sons school to get him diagnosed as he is profoundly deaf too... His balance is doubly affected by the deafness and the dyspraxia.. I'm very clumsy and so is he... An example today was me not seeing a basket behind the till at work and ending up sprawled on the floor in front of all the customers.
My son used to forget to put his hands out when he fell. One time he blacked both eyes, another time he took the skin off his nose landing on tarmac..
Three years ago I contacted Dr Sarah Jarvis on Twitter and was invited onto Jeremy Vines Radio 2 show to discuss being dyspraxic... On the day JV was off so I spoke to Doctor Sarah and Paddy O Connell. Doctor Sarah pointed out that people mix up Dyspraxia and Dyslexia.

[bicyclesaredeathtraps]

Oh wow so many responses - sorry I've not had chance to come back!
I really recognise what people are saying about the difficulties with organisation and especially not knowing what it was growing up. I was lucky to be diagnosed at university, but as a kid it was just assumed I was bright but a bit ditzy/ clumsy. Finding out about it was quite emotional for me, I spent a lot of time reading stuff online and crying bc it described my childhood confusion so perfectly.

[Splodgetastic]

I'm going to read this thread because I posted a few weeks ago in the health board about whether anyone had experience of getting a diagnosis as an adult and whether it was worthwhile or whether it doesn't really make a difference.

[bicyclesaredeathtraps]

I have so many coping mechanisms, it's ridiculous. In the kitchen I spill stuff and cut myself etc all the time too! But I really can't work in a messy space, it messes with my focus, so I obsessively clear up after myself with the result that it takes me even longer to get food on the table. I'm trying to accept shortcuts with that - my dm is very much a cook from scratch person, and I'm trying to get used to "cheating" sometimes for speed and safety.
My coping mechanisms are mostly along the same lines. I'm very tidy day to day, everything must have a place. But if I've had a busy week, everything is out of place and messy, I find it really stressful and I don't know where to start or how to fix it. It's the same with dates and appointments and things - people thing I have it together bc everything is in the diary, but what they don't know is that if I don't write everything down to "go to supermarket" in there, I'd fall apart.
@SarahandQuack I'm pretty sure my grandad is dyspraxic too. He injures himself all the time which is quite stressful. I did mention it to him when I was diagnosed, but he didn't seem bothered.

[PinkBuffalo]

I have dyspraxia and autism. I often think the dyspraxia causes me more problems so tend to go with that as an explanation for my issues
I had to learn to drive as my job moved to an area a way away with poor public transport. I learned automatic and got an auto license and car.
But I hate driving, so if I can walk somewhere I will several miles is not a problem for me walking although I can get tired
Have real problems with change etc. Means I do not progress at work
Do not cope well with stress at all Again a problem at work, cannot explain myself
I have major issues with dexterity so holding pens etc. People are really kind and get me things like adult colouring book etc sometimes, but they sit on a shelf as it is too hard work me.
I have though found an app called “happy colour” which is pretended crayoning in an app, it is much easier and I enjoy it I recommend it
I have never been able to have a relationship so no family/kids etc but that probably my autism
It can be lonely

[Splodgetastic]

Wow, so much ringing true here. I can't do sports involving moving in anything other than a straight line. I struggle with putting lids back on straight (jam jars etc.). I am messy in the kitchen. Using a multicooker has really helped me there. I can't make a hot chocolate without some of the powder going on the worktop or a real coffee. I am always wiping doors and walls as mystery tea stains appear on them - I assume I am spilling tea trying to carry a mug. I just tidied the pan / baking dish cupboard, but I had to ask my DH for help to decide how to organise it. I kneed my husband in the face this morning for reasons which I can't exactly explain but I wanted to make my leg go in the other direction but it just carried on going. The big one is driving. When I was younger my teachers constantly complained about handwriting. I have no diagnosis but strongly suspect these difficulties may be dyspraxia. I am not 100% convinced though because I can play a musical instrument and I know some people with dyspraxia would not be able to do that.

[PinkBuffalo]

Coping mechanisms
I have numerous routines written out all over the house including stuff like getting dressed. Put my clothes out in the order they get put on otherwise I cannot dress myself

[Elderflower14]

Forgot to say ds has autism as well as deaf and dyspraxic...

[bicyclesaredeathtraps]

@PinkBuffalo I'm sorry you're lonely. I've only ever held down one short term relationship, but I don't think that's dyspraxia related I'm just not that interested at the moment. I do worry about what it might be like with the dyspraxia muscling in on a longterm relationship, and I don't know how I would cope with kids. In my one relationship the dyspraxia did become quite noticeable quite quickly, he was into running and cycling and I had to explain that they didn't really work for me, and he used to tease me for my poor sense of direction. I might try that colouring app, it sounds good, thanks! I think it's interesting how much crossover there is between the different neurodiversities. I'm definitely not autistic, but I do find change to the expected schedule very difficult (even if the change is to something I should logically prefer) and I struggle a bit with sensory stuff too.

[Elderflower14]

I think my father and grandfather were probably dyspraxic.. My father had terrible handwriting and according to my grandmother, my grandfather never knew his left from his right!

[blackcat86]

Undiagnosed but suspected and I would love to join. Cant get tested (unless I pay privately which seems pointless). I am hypermobile, double jointed and known for being clumsy/scatty. My parents were against 'labels' which basically meant ignoring issues and blaming personal character flaws. I have done well academically but struggled with organising revision for exams and my hand writing is appalling. It took me 2 years to learn to drive and probably 6 months on the road to get confident. I fall over and trip a lot so I try to keep my floors clear. I bought a robo vac which has been a huge help. I experience a lot of fatigue and almost like a sensory overload with bright lights and sounds so avoid supermarkets if I can. Ilness, tiredness and stress make it a lot worse. I feel like I lose track of where my body is if that makes sense. I plan things meticulously like online shops but still get things wrong. People just write me off as one of those clever people with no practical skills. But now my clever 2 year old doesn't walk (she's getting there slowly but is ahead cognitively and behind physically) questions are starting to be asked which will be interesting. I'm really interested in others experience and if assessment is worth it.

[bicyclesaredeathtraps]

@Splodgetastic love the username! If it helps, I can play a musical instrument too, been playing since I was a child it just took practice. Dyspraxia is a spectrum condition so you don't necessarily need to tick every single box. I relate so much to legs not doing as instructed! Recently I tried to catch something (with my hands, obviously) and my legs decided they felt left out so slammed my knees against the chest of drawers in front of me.... Didn't help