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Does anyone still co-sleep with their school aged child?

118 replies

itustiime · 23/08/2020 11:55

DS is only 3 but I'm aware school is only a year away. We've always shared a bed (we both sleep better that way but it's also culturally normal for me)

Do I need to have him sleeping on his own by school age?

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beachbodhi · 23/08/2020 11:59

It's entirely up to you! Mine still sleep in with me (5&7) and we all have an amazing nights sleep-my youngest is autistic so co-sleeping is what works for us now, maybe in the future that'll change but I'm easy about it

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Poonmig · 23/08/2020 12:06

My 9 year old still sleeps with me. His choice, sometimes he sleeps in his bed, sometime mine. No biggy really.

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Pinkflipflop85 · 23/08/2020 12:11

My 6 year old starts the night in his own bed but we regularly wake in the morning with him snuggled in between us.

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AlexaShutUp · 23/08/2020 12:16

I suspect that a lot of people will tell you that it's important for him to learn to sleep independently, but I would be guided by your child's needs and not the opinions of random strangers.

My dd co-slept for quite a long time after starting school. We let her make the decision about when to move to her own bed. I think she was about 7/8, though it was a gradual process with quite a lot of coming and going. I have no regrets. She was very clingy and had no problems with sleepovers etc, and now at 15, she is a happy, confident and independent kid. We have a great relationship, and I'm glad that we never made bedtime into a battle.

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zigaziga · 23/08/2020 12:19

Yes. Has his own bed - usually wants DH in it most or part of the night but occasionally wants to be in the big bed with me and younger sibling.
It’s all fine. Everyone gets enough sleep and no one has ever been made to sleep some of they don’t want to.

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RemyHadley · 23/08/2020 12:22

Yep, my almost 6 year old still shares with me and his little brother, we just have a massive bed. No issues. We all get the most sleep that way.

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ittooshallpass · 23/08/2020 12:33

DD came into my bed pretty much every night until she was 9. It was fine. She needed the comfort, I had a nice big bed Smile

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Rae36 · 23/08/2020 12:42

Mine did until he was 6. We only stopped because he was just too big and wriggly and no-one was getting a proper night's sleep. Stopping was actually mush easier than I though Do what suits you op.

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Nighttimefreedom · 23/08/2020 12:44

My 7 year old regularly chooses to sleep in with me. She has always had her own room and bed etc, so I would get all sorted if you haven't. But otherwise don't worry about it if you don't mind sharing.

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toiletpaper · 23/08/2020 12:46

I'm a single mother and have two kids, mine alternate nights for sleeping with me and I enjoy the company, keep doing it for as long as you want to I say

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Whatthebloodyell · 23/08/2020 12:49

My 4 year old ends up
In my bed at least 60% of the time. I can’t see that stopping in the next 2 weeks before school starts!

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SirVixofVixHall · 23/08/2020 12:51

I co slept until mine were about 8 or 9 and 6 I think, I don’t really remember. Then they shared a room and a big bed together for a few years, and then separate rooms.

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Stompythedinosaur · 23/08/2020 12:53

Not every night like when they were babies, but my dds jump at the chance to have a "sleepover" with me if dp is away overnight. We have had many holidays were I've dhared with the dds because of thr sleeping arrangements.

I don't think you need to worry unduly, as long as your ds had a bedroom space were he can have other kids to play, whenever we are able to do that again.

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IwishIwasyoda · 23/08/2020 12:56

yep - mainly because I usually fall asleep in DS bed after stories. We gave him our double bed when we bought a king so it's too comfy.

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LittleMissEngineer · 23/08/2020 12:57

Don’t Cosleep as such, but DS (10!) - comes in at some point - pretty much every night... So end up cosleeping for an hour or 5....

He’ll grow out if it (I hope!!!). He is otherwise a very confident and independent child; he just likes cuddles and company. That’s fine 😊

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ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 23/08/2020 12:57

I split with my ex when ds2 was 7. In temporary accommodation we shared a room out of necessity, and when we were rehoused he still jumped in with me for a few years, even though he had his own room. It’s perfectly normal and natural, and entirely your choice. Three is still teeny tiny OP. x

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trilbydoll · 23/08/2020 12:58

My two start off in their own bed but often come in. I find by 3/4 they're getting a bit big and you don't always have a great night's sleep (depending on the size of the bed!) My 7yo definitely sleeps better on her own now but she doesn't always want to!

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Itisbetter · 23/08/2020 12:58

Let it drift away naturally there’s no need to force a change

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SimonJT · 23/08/2020 13:01

Until my son was four he always spent the whole night in my bed, not long after he started going to bed in his own room but he always wakes around 3/4am and then spends the rest of the night with me.

It doesn’t really matter what works for other families, what works best for your family is the most important thing.

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Kittywampus · 23/08/2020 13:03

I don't see why stating school would suddenly make co sleeping a problem?

My youngest still comes into bed most nights, he is starting school in a couple of weeks and I don't see a problem.

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DrStrangesMagicDressingGown · 23/08/2020 13:04

@Pinkflipflop85

My 6 year old starts the night in his own bed but we regularly wake in the morning with him snuggled in between us.

Same here, with a 5yo and an 8yo (the older one has HFA).
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AltheaThoon · 23/08/2020 13:07

My 5 year old still co sleeps. I love it and it doesn't worry me at all. He won't be there forever.

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itustiime · 23/08/2020 13:09

Thanks so much everyone, I just didn't want him ... I guess the risk of being bullied for it. I co-slept with my mum until I was 9 and it was never an issue but I just wanted to check Smile

We actually sleep in his room (he's got a double bed) so I would have to actively move out (I do think he will ask me to when he's ready)

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CarrotCakeCrumbs · 23/08/2020 13:09

My 4.5 year old only stopped sleeping in our bed about 8 months ago, if it's working for you then there is no rush to change it. They won't want to sleep in our bed forever and if it means you are both sleeping well then that's the most important thing.

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Barearseloverofthigh · 23/08/2020 13:21

Do I need to have him sleeping on his own by school age?

I presume your need is to feel you're doing your best in raising your child to their full adult potential. Children have a need to feel secure at night. For some, this sense of security comes about at an earlier age than others. For others it can take years.

As a middle aged adult I still hate being expected to 'jump in at the deep end' when presented with a situation i don't feel confident in and lack the skills for. I benefit far better from support and patience from whoever's doing the expecting. However, once I feel i've confidently 'got it', I'm happy to get on with whatever it is alone. Children are no different to adults in their need to feel safe and supported until they have mastered each new life skill on their own terms.

Trust that your child won't want to be sleeping in bed with their mum much past puberty. But they might develop a strong feeling of trust and self worth if you allow them to develop confidence in standing on their own two feet at the pace that suits them.

It's not easy these days with so many outside influences but i'd say follow your instincts and nurture your child how you like to be nurtured.

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