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Help please.. is my boyfriend abusive?.

(30 Posts)
Sengland01 Thu 20-Aug-20 19:47:25

Evening I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. We moved in together last year. I have 3 stepchildren who come most weekends and 1 son together. He dosent like our son having tantrams and shouts at me everytime he has won as it my fault as I am too soft with him. He is generally horrible to me and calls me stupit for not having a good job like him!!! He dosent like my friends or my other son who now wont come over to visit because they dont get on. He has called me names like bxitch and thick. Yes I am softer than him with out son but he is sick of it and being the bad cop and says most days that he wants us out as wants peace and quiet. I have no family here and dont want to start again if they can be avoided. I have been though it once in my life and it's a big decision although am coming close to leaving. He makes me feel horrible like I am stupit oh and also fat. He has never hit me as such but has had me against the wall a couple of times and also thrown things across the room. It's like walking on egg shells. My ex husband used to hit me so am not at that level but am really stuck to what to do. We have moved into a really expensive house and things have gone from bad to worse. confused

OP’s posts: |
applepineapple Thu 20-Aug-20 19:48:37

You've said it yourself, you've gone from bad to worse. Yes he is abusive, are you able to leave?

Ginfordinner Thu 20-Aug-20 19:50:12


MoaningMinniee Thu 20-Aug-20 19:52:37

Yes. Time to scoop up your son and go. Anything will be better than walking on eggshells. Can you get hold of important documents and access some money?

Sengland01 Thu 20-Aug-20 19:52:49

Well I could of stayed in Ireland where all my family are. We went there on holiday and he called me names there too and it was the first time my family heard him shout at me and they where shocked. My son loves his dad and I would be back on benefits as only work part time to look after our son..he makes me feel like it's my fault and maybe I do get on his nerves which is why he shouts.

OP’s posts: |
AgentProvocateur Thu 20-Aug-20 19:52:58

Yes. Yoh really need to ask?

Sengland01 Thu 20-Aug-20 19:57:03

Yes I can get access to documents and money. I keep thinking its maybe not as bad as it seems. I get on well with his ex and she said he was like that with her. Am I better sticking to what I know or.leaving my child without his dad.

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Isadora2007 Thu 20-Aug-20 19:59:06

How old is your older son? Where does he live? Leave this horrible man. Your son and you deserve better.

CaptainMyCaptain Thu 20-Aug-20 20:02:09

He is abusive. Leave him.

Sengland01 Thu 20-Aug-20 20:10:04

My other son is 17 and lives with his dad. Yes thanks ladies I am heading that way in my mind just keep trying and hoping it gets better and if I was better would he stop shouting at me. I says I just annoy him and the things I do. Like not being tidy and having a lazy mind.. I have suffered depression and yet still has a go. He is ok some times when the house if peaceful but not when things kick off.

OP’s posts: |
Fingerbobs Thu 20-Aug-20 20:17:05

‘If I was better would he stop shouting at me’. Oh my dear this makes me cry. You absolutely deserve better than this. And so does your wee boy. Please tell your family that what they saw and were shocked by is your daily life, and ask for whatever help you need to get rid of him. Good luck.

WhatamessIgotinto Thu 20-Aug-20 20:23:01

Yes he's abusive. Don't bring your son up into this environment and you deserve a million times better.

Gilead Thu 20-Aug-20 20:25:02

Please leave, it isn’t going to get better. You are not depriving your son of a father, you are protecting him from an abuser.

Gilead Thu 20-Aug-20 20:25:52

PS. Mumsnet helped me get out a few years ago!

Diverseduvet Thu 20-Aug-20 20:28:17

I noticed the writing style change quite a lot between the first part and the second. Please excuse me if I am wrong but is it just me?

Lollypop4 Thu 20-Aug-20 20:28:56

Dont even think about it.

CormoranStrike Thu 20-Aug-20 20:30:51

He sounds a horrible man.

How to know? Imagine he wasn’t your partner, but a man in the street talking to a stranger.
He shouts at the women, calls her stupid, tells her it’s her fault her toddler has tantrums and has her up against the wall.

You’d dial 999 to save her and her children, wouldn’t you?

Save your self and your family and leave.

katy1213 Thu 20-Aug-20 20:35:08

He's never hit you 'as such' ... are you hanging around to see if he does? Pick up your son and leave.
The saddest thing is that you seem to consider this a normal way to live. It isn't. Walk away - and then you need to think very long and hard about what has led you to accept two relationships with violent men. You don't want it to become a way of life.

Holothane Thu 20-Aug-20 20:36:52

Get out this won’t get any better.

Porridgeoat Thu 20-Aug-20 20:39:25

You’ve a choice between being happy with your DS in Ireland or living with an abusive cock who will role model the worst behaviours to your son who will then copy.

Sengland01 Thu 20-Aug-20 22:07:32

Thanks everyone will see what tomorrow brings, although tonight didn't go as planned with another fight over how I put our son to bed. I think I am worn down and he wants the blame all on me. He said he is sick of it and dosent want the hassle of our son. Guess will come to an end soon anyway. I guess I stay as wanted to give it a chance. Have moved into our dream home worth over half a million. Beautiful cars on the drive and neighbours who send their kids to private school. Its the best start for our little one..well so it would seem or so I thought. Literally turned.horrible over the course of 12 months. Guess its not all its cracked up to be and have to accept that.

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Ritasueandbobtoo9 Thu 20-Aug-20 22:11:24

He’s abusive and angry. Disengage and plan your exit.

GarlicMcAtackney Thu 20-Aug-20 23:25:42

Are you on the deeds for this dream home of abuse? Your choice of abuser could remove you any second, if not, and you and your poor kid have no legal protection, but on the plus side that means you can leave the abuser easily enough. Is there anyone your kid can stay with, while you choose to live in such a damaging environment?

GarlicMcAtackney Thu 20-Aug-20 23:27:21

Spoiler: tomorrow and the next day, and every day will bring more abuse. Abusers do not change, they know what they’re doing and they relish it, so it’s up to their prey to opt out.

Porridgeoat Thu 20-Aug-20 23:42:27

Is youR name on the property? Keep your name on the property and move back to Ireland to be with family and friends. You can’t put a price on happiness. It’s crazy you are staying put and receiving abuse in exchange for material possessions. Put your sons needs first if you can’t put your needs first. Your son needs a happy home with lots of love to be a well adjusted person, material possessions will not make him well adjusted. Your DHs behaviour is deeply dam amazing to your child

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