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Help - MH crisis and feel completely trapped.(2 Posts)
Sorry long and complicated. I started a different thread on relationships about this but posting for traffic.
I have suffered anxiety in cycles for about 5 years but recently the cycle seems to have been much more depressive and worse.
It all stems from a work situation where DH is SE and technically I am an employee but we run the company together. In lockdown it was quiet and he loved being at home and spending time with DC and said he wanted a better work life balance. Now hes gone back to working 12 hour days plus weekends. I am going in 2-3 days a week but dont want to leave DC on their own all week.
I am really worried about DH working too hard and that he will become ill, but he has v demanding customers and never turns any work away despite not being able to keep up with it. We dont see the financial benefit because our commercial rent is very expensive and we are tied into a lease.
This has been making me ill - feeling absolutely overwhelmed and worried about it. I havent slept for weeks, I feel shaky and panicky,and exhausted I wake up in the night sweating. I feel like I've reached absolute rock bottom and last week spoke to the dr who put me on anti depressants.
I dont know if it's the medication but I've felt even worse.(it did say you wouldnt feel better straight away) Last night I barely slept I felt really sick and was retching a lot and shaking.
I feel we need to make some drastic changes at work for the sake of both our mental and physical health, and for our DC (starting with paring down our customer list) but DH is insistent things will be better when the DC go back to school and I can come back to work 5 days a week. I feel barely able to function but I dont think he feels able/wants to acknowledge it because he is scared of not keeping up with work..(he found it difficult to accept when I had PND) Neither of us are happy. He just keeps saying it's less than 2 years til we can get out of our lease. I feel I can barely carry on 2 weeks like this let alone 2 years!
When I had PND my parents were able to help a lot but they have both died now and I feel really alone.
Also it is exhausting trying to be normal for DC but i dont know if i should say anything about not feeling ok.(I'm pretty sure DD14 probably notices) I feel like i let them down every day because they are not going out anywhere.
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