I'm going to get sacked aren't I?

[ashamedanddepressed]

I've name changed because I'm just so ashamed of myself.

I've always enjoyed my job and I think I was pretty good at at. I went on mat leave last October. I started my return to work in July using KIT days and I'm now back full time. Things are getting on top of me though.

I had pretty bad PND after the birth of DS but I thought medication meant I had a handle on it. I don't. I'm missing things and mucking things up. It all came to a head this morning however when my internet connection was cut off. To put it lightly furlough has fucked is financially. I have payment holidays for what I can but bills are being missed. I can't even find a number to speak to a person about it just a bloody automated message.

I had to decant to my mums, I forgot a cable and had to go back for it and as a result was late to sign on. I've also missed a deadline to provide ID for background checks to be repeated (they're done every year). I really feel like I'm going to be out. I'm messing everything up.

I'm waiting on an appointment from the mental health team but they have been very little help and my GP thinks my dose is fine for my antidepressants but I've always been on the ball at work. Returning while working from home has been a challenge but not enough to cover up for my ineptitude.

[billyt]

Hi OP, how long have you been there? If they know how you were working before and there were no issues then they'll surely realise something is wrong if you tell them.And that you are seeking help.

Good luck.

[ChangedNameToday]

No - you’ve had a bad day, during trying times.

You won’t be sacked for a bad day.

Take care

[TheSlowMow]

Have you spoken to your manager? It sounds like you need more support at the moment
Nothing to be ashamed about. It's a difficult time for everyone especially if you have a young family

[dublingirl66]

Speak out speak out
Please!!!

Poor you
I feel for you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress]

Tell them you're having problems (health and tech) Ring them today. Don't wait for them to contact you.
Speak again to the doctor.
Always always always have a tech back up. (hotspot from your own phone etc)

[ashamedanddepressed]

My manager is on a call at the moment, he's going to give me a call at 11:30. I really don't want to cry though it's so unprofessional but I seem to cry at everything just now.

[ashamedanddepressed]

@ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress I tried to use my mobile as a hotspot but some of the systems blocked it because of the type of network it was.

[TerribleCustomerCervix]

Speak to your manager and let him know the situation. It’s not fair on you to cope alone, and it’s not fair on him to not be let in on the fact one of his team is struggling.

You will not be sacked for having a bad day

[Diceroll]

Oh op, it's hard going back after maternity leave as it is, let alone with everything else going on. Please be kind to yourself . It sounds like you've logged on late and forgot to send some documents, absolutely not the end of the world, but I know when you're struggling it can seem a lot worse than it is. Be as honest as you feel you can be with your boss, work should also support you (optimistic I know, but most places can at least offer a bit of leeway).

[Alexandernevermind]

You've had a bad morning, we all get those sometimes. Just explain calmly, apologise and say you will make the time up. Be honest about the impact everything is having on you. Xx

[BabyMoonPie]

Speak to your manager honestly and fully. If you cry, so what. You've realised you've got a problem so see what help he can give. Does your work give you access to an Employee Assistance Programme? If it does ring them. Ring your GP and ask for an appointment. I don't know if your Health Visitor can help but do you have Home Start in your area? They may be able to help. Don't despair, it sounds like you are having a tough time but there's help out there 💐

[BabyMoonPie]

And dont be ashamed. You're human and we all make mistakes

[ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress]

Oh, that's a nightmare when the system blocks the WiFi as well. Be sure to mention that and ask what you are supposed to do when that happens.

[ashamedanddepressed]

I've been here just over 2 years, on mat leave for 9 months of that though. I'm so sure we do have an employee assistance program but I can't find details of it anywhere so I'll ask about that. I've already made sure they know I'll work my time back. I don't have a phone number for my manager so as soon as I realised I was going to have a problem I called my old manager who's now in another department so my manager knew I would be late before I was late.
I just feel like everything is getting on top of me and I'm drowning under it all. I've tried to call the doctors but somehow they're engaged? Normally you're just placed in a queue.

[groovergirl]

OP, did you work from home before you went on leave? Right now the world is full of employees who were far from tech-ready when they were suddenly forced to WFH without the usual support they enjoyed in the office.

You've had a hell of a day in the midst of a pandemic. Employers have to make allowances and provide IT support for WFH. You won't be blamed for tech probs beyond your control. The sooner you speak to your boss, the sooner it can be sorted.

But please (and I say this as a former boss) don't just disappear in a flood of tears and shame. Almost everyone is in upheaval and we're all trying our best. Call your boss now. Be upbeat and offer solutions to the problem, eg. making that missed deadline by tomorrow morning.

[MotherofTerriers]

Tell your manager you have had problems accessing the system but are working to resolve them
Could you possibly stay at your mums for a bit and work from there - so you'd have support and could just focus on work until you've settled back in?

[ashamedanddepressed]

@groovergirl that's why I'm ashamed though it was my fault, I had my WiFi cut off because I missed the email telling me I'd missed a payment. Completely my fault.

I'm at my mums now and DH has made a payment to clear the balance so my WiFi will be back on by this evening. I'm going to stay here for today though and finish my shift. We have slightly flexible shifts so I can stay on until 6:30.

No I had never worked from home before this although I always thought I would like to.

[TokyoSushi]

Oh OP sending hugs. You're doing the right thing, going to them and explaining that there is an issue before you get 'found out.'

I hope that you're OK.

[Immigrantsong]

OP if your employer is reasonable they will support you.

BUT

You must be open and disclose what is happening and ask for support.

Here are some suggestions:
Ask for an Occupational Health referral and the Employee Assistance program details.
Come up with some sort of checklist on what options are available to you if you have issues around connectivity
Ask for a Stress Risk Assessment
Claim the HMRC support available to all home working employees to cover costs accrued during home working (sorry rubbish with links)
Check if your workplace has a Union and see if you can join for your own protection


And go to your GP and get some financial support, maybe from Christians Against Poverty. Times are really hard and I do hope you get back on your feet again. I really don't think things are as bad as you think. But it is easy to worry when things pile up. Chin up OP.

[Jargo]

Deep breathes and a virtual hand hold.

Can you ask for a pay advance to help pay the bills off?

Everyone has shit days. Including your manager.

Take care

[Jargo]

Also the majority of people who return to work in normal circumstances don't have a smooth transition back, you are not alone.

[TheSunIsStillShining]

A tip for getting on top of things

1. When I worked as a project manager on 3 huge and 24 small accounts I created an A6 paper for each and wrote down all my tasks. Then highlighted the most urgent ones in red, the "I'm holding someone up" ones in purple,...

I did this every Monday and wednesday morning.
Any new task coming in got a post-it on the appropriate A6, unless it was something that had to be done right away. And until I had reds and purples I didn't even look at the others.

Yes it took a while to do the first assessment...

You can do this in excel, or use a Kanban board for it (there are so many free ones).

1. in personal life I have an excel list of what is due when (internet, car payment, rent, council tax...) and twice a month I log on to the bank and check if the thing has been deduced or not.

I didn't do this until last year, i thought I could keep on top of things, then we moved and forgot about council tax, they sent it to the owner at another address and it got missed. Not until a year later did we realise that we had not paid a dime. And by then it was in court (all correspondence was being sent to owner companies previous address where they moved from without post forwarding) and took a lot of convincing and talking to get it straightened out.
Now my excel and checks keep my piece of mind. And it is 2x10mins a month.

As a manager: I hate employees who fuck up silently and I end up doing their work after the deadline has passed - because they didn't have the spine to come and say they need help!
Everything can be fixed/helped. In most cases (unless you're NHS doctor) lives don't depend on your work. So it'll be fine. Just talk to the manager! (Hope s/he is a nice person :))

[Oliversmumsarmy]

ashamedanddepressed

I don’t know if you have something similar to me.

After the birth of Ds I was incredibly happy (I called it post natal happiness) I was floating through life but part of me was in a state of panic as everything I knew how to do just wasn’t there anymore.
I had to hand over all the household finances to Dp as I couldn’t remember how to write a cheque let alone pay someone on time. My brain couldn’t cope

I stood in-front of the kettle one day and couldn’t remember how to make a cup of coffee.
I got in the car one day and forgot how to drive.
It was like thinking through treacle. Although a different part of my brain was in sheer panic that I was going to do something that was going to harm dc
I couldn’t even think about work. At the very least I would have forgotten the way there.

It took me 2 years before I felt capable of doing anything normal without having to write down instructions

It was like an extreme form of baby brain

[bridgetreilly]

Honestly, it is more work and more expensive for them to sack you, find and train a replacement. They don't want to do it, and for one bad morning, that you have done your best to mitigate and make up for, they would be crazy to sack you.

[starfishmummy]

Deep breath. Im sure it will be fine. You don't need to tell them why your wifi was down as it can happen to anyone.