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When your neighbour thinks they are a porn star...

(74 Posts)
nancy75 Thu 13-Aug-20 23:10:38

Every time my neighbour sends her kids to their dad’s we have to put up with bellowing porn noises ( grunts, groans, fuck me’s, the works)

It’s loud to the point that we can hear them in every room of our house.

Tonight has been a particular extravaganza because they’ve got all the windows open.

Normally this is something I’d just laugh at (loudly, it’s very fake & quite comical) but I don’t want my daughter to have to listen to it (they don’t do it with the kids in the house, so they know it’s not child friendly)

How do I shut them up?

OP’s posts: |
Honeybeexo Thu 13-Aug-20 23:14:11

This is vile, before you go reporting them (Unsure how you’d go about that depending on whether you’re renting) , is there any chance you can post a note through their door letting them know you can hear them have sex and are incredibly uncomfortable with it? They might not realise that you can hear, I was loud with a ex partner and my mind really wasn’t on what the neighbours might think blush

Justmuddlingalong Thu 13-Aug-20 23:14:31

Shout "seveeen!" Len Goodman style at every lull.

Hairthrowaway Thu 13-Aug-20 23:14:52

Dunno. Even though it’s not child-appropriate, I’m not sure you have any authority to ask her to shut the windows or be quieter. It’s just a shit set of circumstances amplified by this muggy weather (with windows open etc.)

Perhaps talk to her if you’re close or leave a note. Failing that, council noise complaint perhaps?

nancy75 Thu 13-Aug-20 23:17:20

We are not close, they are generally noisy and obnoxious but we just ignore them & get on with it.
Although louder tonight due to the weather & windows they carry on like this in all seasons!

OP’s posts: |
Leafyhouse Thu 13-Aug-20 23:17:43

Record it and play it back to her?

Hairthrowaway Thu 13-Aug-20 23:19:43

Maybe just come at her from the kid’s perspective, as she doesn’t do it when her own children are about so chances are she might not want other children hearing her (or equally, she might not care!)

nancy75 Thu 13-Aug-20 23:19:47

I’m tempted to record it and play it back when her kids can hear , I wouldn’t be I do feel like if my dd has to hear it all why shouldn’t hers? ( I wouldn’t be that horrible to the kids though)

OP’s posts: |
DisgraceToTheYChromosome Thu 13-Aug-20 23:39:47

Change your router name to Porn_at_No 34

mumwon Thu 13-Aug-20 23:45:42

play Bolero
One of our neighbours were noisy so I use to turn the radio on -they got the hint (or it may have been when I sang opera - I imagine that would have been pretty off putting especially as I deliberately sang off key grin)

ThisShitDontMatter Thu 13-Aug-20 23:47:25

@DisgraceToTheYChromosome

LOL LOL LOL

nancy75 Thu 13-Aug-20 23:48:04

I’ve tried the radio, to give you an idea of the noise we can be watching telly downstairs at the back of the house & can hear them Loudly over the telly ( their room is upstairs at the front)

OP’s posts: |
RubyFakeLips Thu 13-Aug-20 23:48:42

Next time, I would go round. Keep knocking until she answers with your DD in tow, and just politely say would it be possible to keep the noise down as I’m aware this is your regular weekend/child free routine but we can hear through every room of the house.

RubyFakeLips Thu 13-Aug-20 23:49:59

Or alternatively blast Sexual Healing or a barking dog against the wall every time they do it until they get the hint.

nancy75 Thu 13-Aug-20 23:50:58

They’ve already got a barking dog!

OP’s posts: |
RubyFakeLips Thu 13-Aug-20 23:53:11

Ok, sound of a squealing pig?! That would be very offputting, almost unsettling I imagine grin

Jellybeansincognito Thu 13-Aug-20 23:53:15

When they’re finished, go outside and clap and cheer 😅 🍾 🎉

nancy75 Thu 13-Aug-20 23:54:47

I think clapping would encourage them, they obviously don’t mind who hears!😂

OP’s posts: |
Jellybeansincognito Thu 13-Aug-20 23:55:29

I know but it gets a bit awkward if you’re doing it every time, they’re bound to stop.

Wouldn’t surprise me if your neighbours around would join in too!

nancy75 Thu 13-Aug-20 23:56:32

I might just send them a list of local dogging sites, they can show off all they want there

OP’s posts: |
nancy75 Thu 13-Aug-20 23:57:58

Neighbours opposite have older teen dd, I could hear her & boyfriend laughing outside

OP’s posts: |
shas19 Fri 14-Aug-20 00:04:27

Bang on the door with a cucumber or eggplant😂

nancy75 Fri 14-Aug-20 00:12:10

The way she’s faking it I suspect a chipolata would be more appropriate 😂

OP’s posts: |
Mistymonday Fri 14-Aug-20 00:28:45

Get a loud hailer and narrate it, David Attenborough style...

acatcalledjohn Fri 14-Aug-20 00:40:15

Ask her whether she thinks it's appropriate for children to be exposed to porn. When she says no, ask her why she thinks it's ok for your DD to be exposed to her ridiculously loud porn re-enactments on a regular basis.

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