Your very own personalised conspiracy theory generator

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

"Lockdown is a government conspiracy to:"

[The month you were born in]

[First letter of the last thing you ate]

"I heard it from: [last thing you saw capable of generating unreliable information]"

1. Control
2. Renew
3. Brainwash
4. Microchip
5. Automate
6. Upgrade
7. Weaponise
8. Reprogram
9. Accept [x] as our new overlord(s)

10.Indoctrinate
11.Monitor and track
12. Replace the batteries in

A.Wasps
B.The population
C.Cats
D. Trees
E. Donald Trump
F. Mumsnetters
G. Nits
H. McDonalds
I. The last actor you fancied
J. Nanas
K. Essex
L. Batman
M. Ducks
N. Eyebrows
O. Dolphins
P. Hipsters
Q. The moon
R. Chuggers
S. Toddlers
T. You
U. Stephen Fry
V. Next door's dog
W. Newts
X. Sparrows
Y. Ghosts
Z. Margate

[Shouldbedancingyeah]

Indoctrinate newts!

[Soubriquet]

Lockdown is a conspiracy to replace the batteries in cats

I like that

[Redcrayons]

Upgrade wasps.

Presumably THEY use wasps to plant 5G tracking chips in our houses so THEY/Bill gates can control us.

Think you’re onto something here, OP.

[PaundryLouder]

Renew hipsters!

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

I got reprogram trees, by the way.

I heard it from.... DS.

[ChangeThePassword]

Lockdown is a government conspiracy to indoctrinate Mumsnetters. I heard it from YouTube.

[Goyle]

Monitor and track Batman!

I knew he was real! Elon Musk

[tywysoges]

Lockdown is a government conspiracy to monitor and track cats. I heard it from the local Facebook hub.

[NeedToKnow101]

😂😂 Control the population.

[NeedToKnow101]

I heard it from Facebook.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Ah @NeedToKnow101 sorry, you got a boring one. Go eat something else

[TheFaerieQueene]

Automate cats. I’m off.

[SierraOscar]

Accept as our new over lords cat.

I don't think this is a conspiracy, I think this is practice - my cat said so.

[Lonelycrab]

Lockdown is a conspiracy to monitor and control cats. I heard it on YouTube.

Not the only one born in November who’s just had a cheese sandwich I see

[iklboo]

Weaponise Hipsters. I like it!

[iklboo]

Sorry - I heard it from the cat.

[TheFormerPorpentinaScamander]

Reprogram the population. I heard it from Coronation Street.

[BruceAndNosh]

Lockdown is a government conspiracy to reprogramme toddlers. I heard it from Donald Trump

[MountainDweller]

Renew ducks I heard it from Mumsnet!

[DameCelia]

Reprogram Toddlers, I heard it from Radio 4.
(you know reprogramming Toddlers could actually be a positive?)

[backaftera2yearbreak]

Government conspiracy to weaponise cats. Heard it from a daily mail journalist

[kimlo]

accept toddlers as our new overlords. I heard it from dd.

Seems legit.

[iklboo]

DH heard the lockdown is a conspiracy to automate Batman, so the pigeons in the yard tell him.

[Pasghetti]

Everyone already knows about the conspiracy theory to upgrade Batman. I for one get all my news from my best mate.

[Sidewinder30]

I would accept mine: dolphins as the new overlords. Can't be worse.