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Your very own personalised conspiracy theory generator

(59 Posts)
JesusInTheCabbageVan Thu 13-Aug-20 17:05:07

"Lockdown is a government conspiracy to:"

[The month you were born in]

[First letter of the last thing you ate]

"I heard it from: [last thing you saw capable of generating unreliable information]"

1. Control
2. Renew
3. Brainwash
4. Microchip
5. Automate
6. Upgrade
7. Weaponise
8. Reprogram
9. Accept [x] as our new overlord(s)
11.Monitor and track
12. Replace the batteries in

B.The population
D. Trees
E. Donald Trump
F. Mumsnetters
G. Nits
H. McDonalds
I. The last actor you fancied
J. Nanas
K. Essex
L. Batman
M. Ducks
N. Eyebrows
O. Dolphins
P. Hipsters
Q. The moon
R. Chuggers
S. Toddlers
T. You
U. Stephen Fry
V. Next door's dog
W. Newts
X. Sparrows
Y. Ghosts
Z. Margate

OP’s posts: |
Shouldbedancingyeah Thu 13-Aug-20 17:06:32

Indoctrinate newts!

Soubriquet Thu 13-Aug-20 17:10:31

Lockdown is a conspiracy to replace the batteries in cats grin

I like that

Redcrayons Thu 13-Aug-20 17:11:51

Upgrade wasps.

Presumably THEY use wasps to plant 5G tracking chips in our houses so THEY/Bill gates can control us.

Think you’re onto something here, OP.

PaundryLouder Thu 13-Aug-20 17:12:34

Renew hipsters!

JesusInTheCabbageVan Thu 13-Aug-20 17:13:39

I got reprogram trees, by the way.

I heard it from.... DS.

OP’s posts: |
ChangeThePassword Thu 13-Aug-20 17:15:15

Lockdown is a government conspiracy to indoctrinate Mumsnetters. I heard it from YouTube.

Goyle Thu 13-Aug-20 17:17:59

Monitor and track Batman!

I knew he was real! Elon Musk

tywysoges Thu 13-Aug-20 17:18:10

Lockdown is a government conspiracy to monitor and track cats. I heard it from the local Facebook hub.

NeedToKnow101 Thu 13-Aug-20 17:18:59

😂😂 Control the population.

NeedToKnow101 Thu 13-Aug-20 17:19:52

I heard it from Facebook.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Thu 13-Aug-20 17:24:41

Ah @NeedToKnow101 sorry, you got a boring one. Go eat something else grin

OP’s posts: |
TheFaerieQueene Thu 13-Aug-20 17:29:15

Automate cats. I’m off.

SierraOscar Thu 13-Aug-20 17:32:25

Accept as our new over lords cat.

I don't think this is a conspiracy, I think this is practice - my cat said so.

Lonelycrab Thu 13-Aug-20 17:38:37

Lockdown is a conspiracy to monitor and control cats. I heard it on YouTube.

Not the only one born in November who’s just had a cheese sandwich I seegrin

iklboo Thu 13-Aug-20 17:39:07

Weaponise Hipsters. I like it!

iklboo Thu 13-Aug-20 17:39:43

Sorry - I heard it from the cat.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander Thu 13-Aug-20 17:42:05

Reprogram the population. I heard it from Coronation Street.

BruceAndNosh Thu 13-Aug-20 17:42:19

Lockdown is a government conspiracy to reprogramme toddlers. I heard it from Donald Trump

MountainDweller Thu 13-Aug-20 17:43:05

Renew ducks grinshock I heard it from Mumsnet!

DameCelia Thu 13-Aug-20 17:43:34

Reprogram Toddlers, I heard it from Radio 4.
(you know reprogramming Toddlers could actually be a positive?)

backaftera2yearbreak Thu 13-Aug-20 17:44:31

Government conspiracy to weaponise cats. Heard it from a daily mail journalist

kimlo Thu 13-Aug-20 17:46:42

accept toddlers as our new overlords. I heard it from dd.

Seems legit.

iklboo Thu 13-Aug-20 17:59:30

DH heard the lockdown is a conspiracy to automate Batman, so the pigeons in the yard tell him.

Pasghetti Thu 13-Aug-20 18:02:05

Everyone already knows about the conspiracy theory to upgrade Batman. I for one get all my news from my best mate.

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