My life is completely fucked

[Blanketyblanket]

And I’m at the stage now that I’m just giggling at the entire ridiculousness of it all. So far this year

• my marriage has broken down, I have become a single mum and stbxh is showing no interest in the kids that he asked me to destroy my career to raise
  
• I have found out stbxh has spent a 5 figure sum on prostitutes during the last 3 years but has also been earning 5 times what he told me he was
  
• stbxh has installed either spyware on my phone or spy cams in the house as he is aware that I slept with someone a couple of nights ago
  
• the man I slept with a couple of nights ago (who has been lovely to me for months despite me making it very clear I wasn’t after a relationship) blocked me about an hour after sleeping with me
  
• my children have gone completely feral during the last 5 months of school
  
• I have found out today that I have more abnormal cells on my cervix despite having half of it burnt off a few weeks ago
  
• it’s dc1’s birthday on Friday and I’ve got him hardly anything and don’t have time to get him anything without him also being there
  
• my best friend has post party’s psychosis and has been sectioned as she was threatening to mill herself. She is convinced her family want her dead as they were the ones who requested the assessment that resulted in her being sectioned so I am the only person she wants to communicate with
  
• my dm kindly took the kids for an hour this morning so I could have a swim and clear my head and I got bitten by a cunting seal
  

I don’t know what to do. I’m drinking gin at my kitchen table right now and alternating between giggling at the complete wreckage of my life and sobbing.

[Blanketyblanket]

Oh, and I’m hiring a campervan next Friday which requires me to show two letters proving my address. The only ones I can find are my letter telling me about the results of my laser treatment on my cervix and a letter from the bank declining my overdraft.

[chinam]

that is some amount of things for one person to manage.

[backseatcookers]

Oh love, fucking hell what a bastard of a time you've had. I'm sure some people will be along with some grown up advice but I wanted to say that being able to use the amazing phrase 'bitten by a cunting seal' at such a shit time makes me think you're probably an absolute fucking legend

[wowfudge]

Have you had treatment for the bite? If not, you probably should - tetanus injection and possibly antibiotics. Another thing to add to the list. Make a cup of tea or coffee. You don't want to feel even worse tomorrow. Have you spoken to the police about STBXH spying on you? What he's done/doing is illegal. Be good to get the spineless, lying git.

[AutumnLeavesSeptember]

I'm so sorry . Glad you have gin.

Your XH is a massive knobhead. Not being truthful about his wage, using prostitutes - that is some really out of control shit. At least you have found out what a prick he is, as you are well rid of him. The tracking and surveillance stuff sounds scary, can you tell us a bit more about what / how he knew?

[Countrysidelife54]

Oh thats so shit, so sorry op

[wowfudge]

Oh and for you.

[Anordinarymum]

Oh shit. I don't know whether to console you or go one better :(

Get that bite looked at - seals can carry all sorts of nasties. That's for starters

[IAmOptimusPrime]

That is a huge amount to process, I’m so sorry you have to deal with a knobhead of an ex, a twat of a ghoster and your poor friend. I’m also intrigued by the seal, did you see it coming? 😱

[pooeylouie]

@backseatcookers

Oh love, fucking hell what a bastard of a time you've had. I'm sure some people will be along with some grown up advice but I wanted to say that being able to use the amazing phrase 'bitten by a cunting seal' at such a shit time makes me think you're probably an absolute fucking legend

^ this

[SentientAndCognisant]

Ok,so yup that’s a huge amount of turmoil,and an acrimonious break up
You try break this up into manageable chunk of time,and try not stress
Make list of urgent tasks, and tick when youve outcomed them
Look into mindfulness/ relaxation apps to get balance and some harmony

[Clumsyduck]

I’m sorry but I laughed at “bitten by a cunting seal “

I feel for you my life’s taken a bit of a nose dive these last few months ( once again ! ) and I know it can feel utterly overwhelming at times . In fact I felt like that this morning and cried a bit tbh .

A lot of your problems seem to be coming from your ex so at least thank fuck you aren’t with him anymore this is a good thing ! In that regard things can only look up ! I’m sorry the other guy turned out to be a prick as well . Clearly not worth your time so best to find out now .

Am sorry about the health problems and your friend also

Birthdays and feral kids will all work out . Think plenty of kids have gone this way during lockdown !!!

Things will get better just take it one day at a time !

[TenShortStories]

Yikes, you poor thing.

You need to break that list down into immediate problems and 'can wait a few days to tackle' problems.

Can you order next day delivery from Amazon for your son? If not, go shopping and make him stand outside while you run in and get something (check stock in advance and get them to put it aside).

[SentientAndCognisant]

Bitten by a counting seal. That’s grade A swearing
Fuckin priceless

[Ugzbugz]

I'm so sorry but as a quick note did you see that child who got dragged in to the water by a seal and had medical attention as I think they carry quite harmful germs, you should defo get it checked out asap x

[titsbumfannythelot]

I think this gives you licence to drink all the gin.

Can your mum take the kids more often?

Was he a shit shag? If so no big loss.

Can you set the cunting seal on lying cunting stbxh?

[Peridodo]

I’m so sorry OP, you have really been through it. Although it must seem like the world is against you right now it’s really not. Things will get better.
Surround yourself with those who love you, be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack.
Look after your mental health and brave the swimming again, surely the seal biting incident can’t happen twice! Take some time for yourself to process it all and think about going for some counselling to talk through everything.
Oh and I hope you have a good solicitor who will make sure STBEXH will not get away with anything.
You can get through this OP.

[Bunnybigears]

Put all the shit into different lists.

Shit that is shit but there is nowt I can do about it.

Shit that need sorting right now.

Shit that needs sorting at some point.

Then ask the cunting seal if it can pay stbxh and shag and run guy a visit.

[SentientAndCognisant]

Gah! Now bitten by a counting seal would be novel but a cunting seal that’s is proper hardcore

[Didiusfalco]

That is a whole bag load of crap for one person to deal with, although I am slightly diverted by how you managed to get bitten by a seal.
Anyway, huge sympathy obviously, but here is the practical part, you’ve got so much on and you’re lumping it altogether into one big problem, you need to break it down, so, for example, shithead online date, you can’t do anything about so just file it away, exdh spending money on prostitutes, horrible but not something you need to action. Your abnormal cells, very important must be at the top of your list to follow up. You’re feral kids? This is everyones kids after 6 months at home, try not to worry to much - but you might want to think about whether you have everything for back to school...
Do you see what I mean? You need to break it into bite size chunks otherwise it’s going to swallow you.

[SRS29]

They just need to see the letter header and address, not the actual contents (I hope!)

[frumpety]

I would probably use a bit of that Gin to make a poultice to put on the cunting seal bite I wouldn't be so sensible and would drink it all, but feel I should make a useful contribution

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

You got bitten by a seal 😱😱 WTF!

That sounds shit, and you sound awesome. I wish I had better advice, I'm so sorry

[Tistheseason17]

Maaan,that's a whole wave of shit coming at ya.
Sounds like your better off without STBX.
Have you reported the spying? Voyeurism is criminal offence - he may also have sent stills from video to the nice chap resulting in you getting blocked. He's a prize tool.
You did make me chuckle with the counting seal - it will get better. Take back control of your life