This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
How did you decide to have a 3rd child?(7 Posts)
What were your main deciding factors?
Obviously there are the main big ones of space and money, but what other perceived small factors helped make the decision one way or another
We can in all likelihood afford a 3rd, have the space and both feel like someone’s missing but I’ve got a few niggling doubts.
DS1 & 2 are only 18 months apart and I’m planning on staying home/working part time until both are at school so I’ll be here.
A 3rd isn’t on the cards imminently, but probably in another 3 years or so
Doubts wise I’m not sure I want to go back to those newborn exhausted days, the logistics of changing the car for car seats and what a 3rd pregnancy will do to my body (still dealing with PP issues from first birth)
But I feel like someone’s missing and I’m not sure I can turn away from that
For me it was exactly what you said, that someone was missing. I wasn't sure if it was just the biological drive to procreate, but then the first time the 5 of us went on a family holiday (in the massive 7 seater car we'd just bought!) I really did feel 'done'. This was my family and I was their Mum and no one else's.
I always thought I'd be sad about the end of baby days, but I'm not. I really don't want any more.
I don't know if that answers your question or not!
I knew someone was 'missing' too, and after DC3 I knew we were complete as a family.
Friends with one or two children said the same of the number they had and why they stopped (the only one who didn't say it had 2 DC and then had twins - they were not expecting that ).
I always knew I wanted 3. DH remembers me telling him that long before we got together.
I had a plan to procreate in rapid procession so that I never escaped the baby years until the youngest was out of nappies. It meant I was dealing with all the baby hell/pregnancy/breast feeding constantly for 6 years. We’d bought the house and car for 3 right from the off so it wasn’t any major change in that respect.
The day my youngest was toilet trained I cried and did a little dance of joy! I knew my family was complete and I was sure glad to get back to work! I was a sahm throughout.
My kids have a good bond because they are close in age and has meant they will experience a lot of same stages of childhood together.
So from that POV I would recommend not waiting especially as your eldest two are close in age.
BUT please don’t force yourself through pregnancy if you’re body is not ready for it, and 3 kids is not the be all and end all. There are positives to stopping at 2, often thought about when they all kick off over that one item they can’t share between them!
It is especially tiring having 3 small children it takes a super human effort to get through the logistics of daily life without going insane. I had no family to help though so there was no time to be ill. I was fortunate that I had no pregnancy or post partum complications.
I was about to turn 40. My eldest about to turn 18, youngest (who I vowed was the last due to awful pregnancies and birth was 6).
I was suddenly overcome with needing to have my last baby. I honestly think it was an age/hormone thing. I fell pregnant first month.
I’m having her two weeks today.
I’ve had slight wobbles all the way through through. I realised the other day that when this baby is 18, I’ll be 58. So I will have spent from 22 until 58 raising babies to adults, always putting them first . And my 18 year old is being an ungrateful, horrible dickhead so I have been wondering what it’s all for!
When the test was positive at age 41 and I never dreamed I'd get to be so lucky! Not trying - after such an abysmal history I just wasn't concerned about using protection. 10 years between eldest and youngest, just over 2 years between the younger two who are thick as thieves.
Please login first.