Do you need to give your parents notice before you visit or can you just turn up?

[LizzieBlackwell]

Inspired by another thread.

Could you just drop in for a quick hello or even stay the night or would you have to plan ahead.

I have keys to my grannies house ( she raised me) and through out my life many times I’ve just turned up and she never batted an eye lid. If she was going bingo she’s still go and see me when she got back There wasn’t food in I’d pop to the shop or order a take away.

Do you ‘visit’ or do you just see it as going back home?

Would you need your adult children to give you notice or are you/would you be happy for them to just turn up and even sieve the night?

[Gizlotsmum]

As they are 2.5 hours away we tend to plan, not always a long way in advance but if we were in the area I could pop in unannounced. To stay overdefinitely plan. Similar with in laws.

[xyzandabc]

Parents are a 12 hour drive away. I doubt very much whether any take away delivers where they live and nearest supermarket is a 50 minute round trip. It's also not where I grew up. I live about 15 mins from where I grew up, they moved away when I was an adult.

So yes, would definitely have to give notice and have to stay the night.

[LizzieBlackwell]

@xyzandabc

Parents are a 12 hour drive away. I doubt very much whether any take away delivers where they live and nearest supermarket is a 50 minute round trip. It's also not where I grew up. I live about 15 mins from where I grew up, they moved away when I was an adult.

So yes, would definitely have to give notice and have to stay the night.

If you turned up with out planning would they be flustered and panic?

[AgeLikeWine]

My parents live 3 hours drive away, and I always give notice. It’s basic good manners.

[pineapplepalmtree]

I can just pop in whenever to mine, still have a key 17 yrs after leaving and if I randomly wanted to stay the night it wouldn't be an issue. They actively enjoy us popping by for a cuppa.
for my partners family we absolutely have to warn them weeks in advance.. i don't get it at all.

[DramaAlpaca]

I have two adult sons in their 20s who live away from home. They come and go as they please, no notice required, and stay the night if they want to. I can't imagine it any other way. It might be different if they had families of their own though, I might appreciate a bit of notice then.

As for seeing my own parents, notice is definitely required. There would be most definitely be fluster and panic if I just turned up.

[HeeeeyDuggee]

DH mum we could just turn up

My mum would have some kind of panic attack and breakdown. She needs weeks too plan anything (make lists, shopping, clean the house and so on). She didn’t used to be like that but had a mental breakdown about 12 years ago and never quite recovered herself.

[SerenityNowwwww]

When they were alive - definitely! My sister always leaves her door open (at least for the porch( and we could always bunker down in the barn if it was locked up.

[Marmite27]

DH and I both have keys to our parents house. No point staying at the in-laws as they live on the same street.

I only check plans with my mum at the moment in case my brother will be there with his kids. No issues with them, but it’d make us more than 2 households.

[SmileIke]

My parents live 15 minutes away and I always pop in unannounced along with my children and dog. They're always happy to see us and it just feels like a second home, we have free range of fridge/food/remote control etc.

However if I tried to stay the night my mum would tell me to sling my hook, she likes to have her house tidied and enjoy her evenings in peace! Fair play we all know where we stand

[MiddleClassProblem]

Turning up to somewhere you have to stay the night is very different to popping over.

[slug]

Well, my mother lives 12 thousand miles away so I do tend to give her a heads up that I'm coming. The one time I didn't she nearly had a heart attack.

My in-laws live 10 minutes walk away. We normally tell them we are coming but equally I don't feel the need to do so and have turned up unannounced plenty of times.

[PineappleUpsideDownCake]

I live 9mins from my dad and partner.

We have an appointment to see them for tea and cake in 2 weeks, made a week ago......

[Cherrybakewellll]

When mine are older and move out they'll have to surrender their keys and book an appointment if they want to see me, I'll be busy having rampant encounters with my DH to make up for all the times they've disturbed us as kids

[FinnyStory]

They're just round the corner and I'd pop in for a cuppa without ringing ahead. They'd come here without appointmemt too. If it's not convenient either party would say sa and we wouldn't stay, although unless wee were on our way out we'd male it convenient.

My sister lives further away so she does call to make arrangements before coming to stay with DPs, but once there will be free to come and go without letting them know beyond basic courtesy about who's in for dinner etc.

[Bitchinkitchen]

If i want to actually see them i have to give notice, they're super busy and probably wouldn't be there if i just dropped in.

I certainly wouldnt "drop in" with the expectation of staying for more than 10 minutes without calling ahead, that would be really rude, they might have things to do.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

My parents wouldn't panic and would be calm in case something terrible had happened - but they would assume something terrible had happened, because we definitely aren't a 'just show up' group.
Did your granny work? Because my parents still do, as do lots of their friends, and also do different things for the community and have their own friends, so pre-lockdown if I'd showed up there was every chance they would have been headed out till late, or just back from work and knackered, or about to have guests.

Now I'd be more welcome as they're at home all the time, but that's because they've been shielding and I haven't so they'd likely be pretty flustered!

[Redcrayons]

In theory I could, they are only about 5 miles away. But I would phone first in case they’re out.
I think I’ve got a door key, but I’m not sure where it is.

[AuntieStella]

Both really.

Welcome if we turn up (I have a key)

But in practice I always call ahead to find out if she's in (the drive's just that bit too long to do on spec)

[FreezerBird]

We live two hours from the ILs so there's usually a bit of planning, but when we lived closer there was dropping in on both sides.

They would be fine with us just turning up even now but as there are four of us we'd plan. They are also very busy so we'd want to check.

They also have a static caravan near us and will drop in whem they're up. We would drop in on them also but would probably check they're not out walking or whatever. But might try them if were passing without notice.

My parents are both dead now, but it was definitely a 'no notice needed' house growing up. Everyone was welcome and mum wasn't that fazed by coming down and finding teenagers she'd never seen before asleep by the fire. As long as you didn't mind being woken at 6.30 with a cup of tea it was fine.

Again though when there was more distance involved (and they were in their eighties and I had bonkers young children) we'd plan a bit more.

[Wiaa]

I'm not that close to my mom but while I usually visit on a particular day it would be no problem if I turned up at any time,its very much an open house food and drinks flow freely if anyone visits. She lives about 15mins away so I haven't stayed over since I last stayed for Xmas around 14yrs ago but I could if I wanted to. My sister and her 3 kids practically move in every weekend and school holiday

[Elieza]

My parents split up and got partners. My family home was sold.

After that I couldnt just pop in to what felt like someone else’s house.

Now only one of my parents is still alive and her partner has passed away, so I turn up whenever I like as I won’t be inconveniencing him, but I do phone first to make sure she is in.

I’ve never stayed the night in that house. No spare bed or half decent couch.

[Heatherjayne1972]

Mine are 15 min drive away so yeah easy to just turn up
However as with everyone else if you don’t phone ahead then you risk them being out
They don’t mind if I just rock up tho

[LizzieBlackwell]

@HeeeeyDuggee

DH mum we could just turn up

My mum would have some kind of panic attack and breakdown. She needs weeks too plan anything (make lists, shopping, clean the house and so on). She didn’t used to be like that but had a mental breakdown about 12 years ago and never quite recovered herself.

Ah your poor mum

[AnotherEmma]

I would hate it if either of my parents turned up unannounced.

Equally I would do the courtesy of telling them I was coming.

We live close enough for day visits rather than overnights, but it's far enough that we wouldn't just pop by on the off chance they're home. However, even if we were close, I think I'd still call or text to check it was OK.

I'm always welcome at my parents' houses but would want to make sure they're not busy and we could actually spend a bit of time with each other.

DH's parents are the type to turn up unannounced and it's stressful (but there are lots of other issues with them too).