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Really hurt over fathers comments

(11 Posts)
Wankpuffin Wed 05-Aug-20 13:43:38

I started a thread a few weeks ago in which I ended up going into detail about my relationship with my dad and how difficult he is

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3967525-Parent-due-cancer-surgery-at-the-same-time-as-my-c-section-WWYD

Today is his birthday. My youngest called him first thing in the morning to sing happy birthday. He didn’t have his hearing aid in properly so started saying “x, x is that you?” - X isn’t my Dc it’s the young child of a friend he has that hates me and thinks I’m a terrible person because my dad is always telling her how I neglect him, don’t bother with him etc.

Anyway, despite my Dc shouting “no grandpa, it’s me!” He started on a long monologue of how glad he was she (who he thought was this other child) had called him, that his “useless” family hadn’t bothered with him, how he was all alone, no one cared to mark his birthday. On and on. And this was all on speaker. I hung up in the end.

DC then called him back 5 mins later - at which point he must have put his aids in because he knew it was her, she sang happy birthday again and they had a normal chat.

I’m just so fucking hurt. I knew he slagged me off to everyone. But to hear it first hand was a slap in the face.

I DID make a big deal of his birthday. I had cards, gifts and a cake ordered on line to be delivered the day before his birthday (purposely did it the day before incase they didn’t arrive until late on the day of his birthday as then he would have kicked off about no on caring), which he did receive as he sent photos of them and thanked us.

We live across the country and I’m about to give birth any day - there are problems and each time I go in to hospital the section could have to be there and then - so there is no way I Could do 4 hour round trip now.

I’m so hurt and to be honest, really pissed off.

OP’s posts: |
Modestandatinybitsexy Wed 05-Aug-20 15:18:50

I read your previous thread and honestly your dad sounds horrible. I'm sorry your still having issues with him.

It's never nice when you know someone's talking behind your back but to have it confirmed in front of your dc must be awful. What would happen if you pulled him up on what he said?

Wankpuffin Wed 05-Aug-20 15:21:20

@Modestandatinybitsexy I’d get the frail old man treatment, confusion and the “what, I don’t remember that” from him. It wouldn’t be worth it.

OP’s posts: |
TheAugusta Wed 05-Aug-20 15:27:17

I read your last thread. How awful. Are you sure he didn’t know it was you and was doing the horrible monologue on purpose to guilt trip you? Not sure which is worse really though - either way very unpleasant and unfair. If it were me I’d want to ask him why he said such horrible lies about you when you’d sorted out nice things for him, but obviously you might not have the headspace for this while you’re pregnant. Hopefully it has at least alleviated any misplaced guilt you might have felt for not being able to meet his ludicrous demands. Hope all is well with the rest of your pregnancy and your baby.

Wankpuffin Wed 05-Aug-20 15:46:42

@TheAugusta no, he is practically deaf without his hearing aids in. He was shouting like he does when he’s not wearing them. I’m positive he thought Dd was the other child.

OP’s posts: |
Wankpuffin Wed 05-Aug-20 15:48:14

The other dc is an older teen by the way - which is why he would have been saying what he did. My Dd is little but she does sound very ‘grown up’ on the phone.

OP’s posts: |
GoodDogBellaBoo Wed 05-Aug-20 16:05:56

He sounds horrible, I would let him know of his mistake for your child’s sake if not yours. She didn’t deserve to hear she is useless. Why did he even answer his phone without hearing aids if he is nearly deaf?

Wankpuffin Wed 05-Aug-20 16:20:39

@GoodDogBellaBoo he always does. He doesn’t like to waste the batteries.

OP’s posts: |
Wankpuffin Wed 05-Aug-20 16:25:51

I’m just hurt to have heard what he said. I’ll get over it. Like I said I knew what he was saying to other people, just a kick in the teeth to hear it, especially when I’d made an effort for his birthday. On the other hand it’s MILs birthday in two days - she’s told us that we’d better not be thinking about her or getting her anything when we’ve got me and the baby to be concerned with and that her birthday is the last thing she cares about at the moment anyway.

Such a difference. If I hadn’t had planned anything for my dad he would have been worse than ever.

OP’s posts: |
GoodDogBellaBoo Thu 06-Aug-20 21:57:25

@Wankpuffin I’d be really sad too, it’s something he can’t take back or you can just forget. flowers Sounds like he’s old and has his mind set already, and that he is a very lucky man to have you even if he doesn’t deserve it.

Shizzlestix Thu 06-Aug-20 22:20:52

I get why you bother, OP, but tbh, I think you should stop trying to Male him appreciate you, because he never will. Stop giving him headspace, concentrate on your lovely dc and new baby.

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