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If your parents moved when you were a teenager, how did you find it ?

(22 Posts)
Lardlizard Tue 04-Aug-20 23:57:50

Oldest child is now 13 so if we are going to do it, I’m Thinking we should soon
To make sure we all go together

OP’s posts: |
rach2713 Wed 05-Aug-20 00:01:12

Has your child started secondary school if so I would wait as I moved end of year 9 to Scotland and found it pretty hard as they do everything different and ended up with crap gcse (standed grades) because of it. Also they may find it hard to make new friends in secondary..

AdoptedBumpkin Wed 05-Aug-20 00:07:48

Might be worth waiting until you know what is happening with the schools.

Insideout99 Wed 05-Aug-20 00:11:52

I had to move schools at that age and I got lucky with a group of friends, and even then I had some people trying to push me out the group because I was new (to start with). It was so hard fitting in and leaving friends behind. I honestly think it’s one of the hardest ages to uproot a child. Educationally and socially (and this only gets harder as the years go by)

Lardlizard Wed 05-Aug-20 00:31:06

I did think May after gcse but before a levee May be better
Assuming she does a levels of course

OP’s posts: |
TheHookOfYourSplendour Wed 05-Aug-20 00:53:41

My parents moved when I was just 16. They figured that as I was going to go to college anyway I could go to the college 200 miles away and make friends there. In reality, the college 200 miles away was full of people that had been at school together and I was never really accepted (apart from one kind person who took me under her wing). I completed my A Levels and then moved back near to my home town to go to uni and am still there. All the plans teenage me had for my future were shattered. It was a really awful time. But at 13 your teen is younger, but please speak to them and don't just force it on them.

Magicismagic Wed 05-Aug-20 01:04:38

My parents moved from England to Scotland when I was 12 that was first year of secondary school. It was an absolutely horrendous experience for me, I was very badly bullied ( this was back in the days when schools did very little about bullying), all the other kids had come up through one of the three feeder Primary schools together. My younger siblings got on much better.

cosmicpassages Wed 05-Aug-20 01:21:26

I wouldn't move when they are in high school. We moved in between primary and secondary because we had to rather then wanted to, we wouldn't have done it any other time as it's unfair on them.

MacduffsMuff Wed 05-Aug-20 08:27:55

I think it's incredibly hard in secondary. DHs parents moved when he was 15/16 and he says it was hell for him. It's the reason we're waiting another couple of years.

Lardlizard Wed 05-Aug-20 08:36:16

Ok thanks for your experiences dh moved when he was 12/13 and found it to be a good thing
Although I suspect he made more friends once’s he’d moved
Perhaps we should wait till she’s 16/18 then

OP’s posts: |
Lardlizard Wed 05-Aug-20 08:37:23

We also have a 6 year old about to into year two
And the 13 year old about to going into year 9 in sept
So wondering what the best year for them both would be

OP’s posts: |
whenwillthemadnessend Wed 05-Aug-20 08:43:13

I'd do it the year your youngest goes into secondary. Or just before. By then your eldest would have left school anyway.

whenwillthemadnessend Wed 05-Aug-20 08:44:42

Bearing in mind your eldest still may find it very difficult unless she goes off to uni etc. Friendship groups at teens and 20s are more important to them than family.

Harsh but true.

FritataPatate Wed 05-Aug-20 08:47:20

We moved when I was about to start year 10. I was very upset and leaving friends, school etc. But actually, it was brilliant and i settled in very quickly. I got extra kudos for being the "new girl" and it was a chance for me to re-invent myself!

xolotltezcatlopoca Wed 05-Aug-20 08:50:43

I have moved across the country when I was 12(where I spoke no language), then to a different state across the continent at 14, and back to my country when I was 16. I coped fine. Slight disadvantage but nothing major to prevent my education.

Thirtyrock39 Wed 05-Aug-20 08:55:01

We moved just before I was 15. I was really sad to leave an amazing group of friends but quickly made new ones.
However it is a bit of a 'sliding doors' moment as I definitely think I'd have done better academically in my old school and I moved from south east to midlands- initially my new midlNds city seemed amazing compared with south east suburbs but within a couple of years my southern friends were out in London and Brighton and some got really good careers due to location.
I would think 13 would have less of an impact academically possibly 15 is a bit easier socially?

Yellredder Wed 05-Aug-20 09:03:47

When I was 15 we moved areas, so I was midway through my O Level studies. Didn't work for me academically. Also, we moved into the middle of nowhere and previously I'd been in a town and used to getting on the bus and zooming off into the nearby city with my friends. Socially the move was a nightmare for me.

User27aw Wed 05-Aug-20 09:05:19

I moved when i was 13 and it was a positive experience for me. I had moved to secondary school with all my friends but over the course of year 7 experienced some mild bullying from one of of friends and i felt that i was drifting apart from other friends. We moved 200 miles at the start of year 8 and I quickly found a group of more like minded friends. I think I was quite lucky as i was a shy and quiet child so easily could have not fitted in but luckily i found my tribe. Sometimes its good to have a fresh start.

TheTeenageYears Wed 05-Aug-20 09:07:29

I'm presuming you mean moving area rather than just a particular attachment to 'the family home' (I do not subscribe to attachment to a house - home is where family is not a building). It probably depends where you are planning to move to. If you leave it until eldest is 18 and they go to uni it could mean they never return to you as they won't have friends where you then live. Lots of children now switch schools for sixth form so that could work but if in a totally different area they would be leaving behind all friends and starting afresh. That option does mean they will have an incentive to visit in the future though, with friends as well as family to come back to. We have moved all over the world with 2DC so understand many of the pitfalls of moving at different ages. We've always spent summers at 'home' where unfortunately neither DC have independent friends (as opposed to family friends) and hence me having spent weeks with teen DC 24/7 which is not quite how it's supposed to be.

Waxonwaxoff0 Wed 05-Aug-20 09:09:29

Hated it. I ended up dropping out of college because I was so unhappy. I'd never do it to my DS.

Mrsemcgregor Wed 05-Aug-20 09:17:13

I changed secondary schools midway through Yr9, just before Xmas.

It was fine, I made new friends who I loved. There was some mild bullying but no different to the mild bullying that happened in my old school or any other school.

At the end of the day if you need to move you need to move. My best friend in primary was a forces kid and she had about 4 secondary schools, she seems none the worse for it now!

brastrapbroken Wed 05-Aug-20 09:25:29

I did it when I was 15. I won't lie it was the most traumatic life experience i have ever had and it was 30 years ago now. I went from English school to Scottish, ended up dropping out and doing crap jobs for many years. I was really depressed, although that wasn't recognised at the time and my whole life took a different path.

Things are very different now. Parents seem to be more supportive and understanding of teenagers feelings. Social media can help keep you in touch with old friends (although seeing them all get on with life would have been worse for me tbh. Schools are better than they were at picking up and helping with resolving issues.

That said I would never move my kids schools.

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