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Anyone want to join my mat leave pity party?

(17 Posts)
eggofmantumbi Tue 04-Aug-20 10:01:45

Disclaimer- I know many many people are worse of than me but....

I had my second baby on first day of lockdown. She's a smiley little thing and after a high risk pregnancy I was over the moon to have a healthy baby.
In some ways (husband being at home, no overload of visitors) it's been great, but today I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired, my chronic illness is bothering me and I just want to go to the lovely volunteer led group I went to work my first on a Tuesday, have a chat, a cuppa and a crumpet.

Anyone want to join me?

OP’s posts: |
RiverFlowers Tue 04-Aug-20 10:06:43

My DS was just under three months when lockdown happened - he is my second as well.

My maternity leave has not gone how I planned - none of my antenatal group (from my first pregnancy) have even met him yet!! None of the days out, groups or just nice catch ups have happened. I go back to work in a couple of months and whilst we have had plenty of time as a family, it just feels a bit sad that I won't get to do with him the things I did with DD sad

eggofmantumbi Tue 04-Aug-20 10:08:54

Do you have to go back to work soon @riverflowers?
I've extended my leave so it'll be nearly 16 months (I went off earlier because I was knackered due to illness) so I'm hopeful something will happen by then that we can do.
But you're right days out etc just can't really happen. On quiet days I'd go for a much round the shops with first. Not worth it now. sad

OP’s posts: |
CupcakesK Tue 04-Aug-20 10:13:57

I'll join your pity party. First baby born a week into lockdown. I'm not even sure what to do on mat leave as everything has been closed. Heard some in-person groups were going to open in September, but that's looking less likely now with the rising number of cases.

My partner has been WFH, which was nice at first, but now there literally isn't enough childcare to stretch between us!

Your Tuesday chat, cuppa and crumpet sounds lovely OP - sorry you're missing out

eggofmantumbi Tue 04-Aug-20 10:17:25

@CupcakesK I really feel for you with it being your first. I've said a lot these last few months in glad she's my second.
There's been rumours of bits and bobs starting here, but mostly the really expensive £8 per session things which I hate committing to as I like to prioritise sleep!

OP’s posts: |
Pinkflipflop85 Tue 04-Aug-20 10:24:30

Here to join in your pity party.

Dd was 4 months old at lockdown. Had just got into a lovely groove with a new baby group and little days out.

I had horrendous pnd and ptsd after I had my ds, so the start of this maternity leave was quite healing if that makes sense.

I'm really pissed off that lockdown fucked that all up and sent my mental health into a massive downward spiral.

I'm grateful to be safe and healthy. I'm grateful that my children are safe and well. I know people are going through horrendous times. But I'm allowed to be fucked off from time to time and I'm allowed to grieve for the maternity leave I didn't have.

Caspianberg Tue 04-Aug-20 10:36:38

Its not how it should be, your right. We live in a different country atm, so no family have met baby etc. He was born at beginning of May.

At first I was upset, but now it is what it is. I figure I can either waste babies first 6-12 months wallowing in what should have been, or just enjoy it in a new way.

I'm actually liking the lack of pressure to be somewhere. And we are starting to get out and about a bit locally to explore area, and have started meeting up with some people in a relaxed environment such as last weekend friends came over for coffee and cake in the garden

eggofmantumbi Tue 04-Aug-20 10:42:19

@FlipFlop85 that sounds really tough. Sending positive thoughts your way. I think you're right, we have to allow ourselves to be passed off occasionally.

@caspianberg you're right, it's definitely not a good idea to wallow to much and I've been making a real effort to see the positives, but sometimes I just need a whine!

It's a bit rainy here today and I don't think that helps. Usually we get out for a nice long walk and that makes me feel better but I hate walking in the rain with the baby!

OP’s posts: |
RiverFlowers Tue 04-Aug-20 10:44:38


Do you have to go back to work soon *@riverflowers*?
I've extended my leave so it'll be nearly 16 months (I went off earlier because I was knackered due to illness) so I'm hopeful something will happen by then that we can do.
But you're right days out etc just can't really happen. On quiet days I'd go for a much round the shops with first. Not worth it now. sad

No, can't extend it any further - as it is now I will have been off 17 months when I return as I was signed off due to pregnancy complications so barely worked during pregnancy!

When I go back I am taking one day a week off for 12 weeks and will be WFH a few days a week as well - plus at the moment we aren't going back into the office until next year anyway.

CupcakesK Tue 04-Aug-20 16:08:06

I agree, lack of pressure has been great. As a FTM I was quite happy that no one could come and visit me the second I left hospital! There are positives, but after 19 weeks of this, those are wearing thin now.

I don't really have any mum friends yet, done a couple of meet ups in the park but that's about all anyone is doing. Would love to meet up in a cafe with LOs, but seems impossible with social distancing (with a pram) and with people I barely know.

It's so many small things that suck, really wanted to take my DS swimming but I'm not optimistic of that happening soon. Also near where I live, a day spa do a mums and babies morning where you can go and get a mini treatment while your baby plays.

Oh well, we're all healthy and mostly happy at least!

Wolfgirrl Tue 04-Aug-20 16:12:27

Yep, me. Mat leave started July last year. DD in & out of hospital for a few weeks (all fine now). Then a couple of months of her being a really tricky newborn - some nights she didnt sleep at all not even half an hour. Just as she started to get better I became unwell, 2 months in hospital. Finally got released end of Jan only for lockdown to begin 6 weeks later. Only my daughter has stopped the whole year being a massive pile of shit.

I try to stay philosophical and I know I'm lucky in many ways, but I was so looking forward to my mat leave and I feel robbed of loads of nice time we couldve had together.

LividLaughLovely Tue 04-Aug-20 16:18:47


Nineteen week-old baby that I never thought I’d have. Finally arrived as the country went bonkers.

I’d pay a lot of money for a Costa and a walk round the shops. As it is, not been in a shop since March and wouldn’t feel safe.

So very bored of meeting people in damp parks and not being able to let them have a cuddle.

eggofmantumbi Tue 04-Aug-20 16:32:13

Oh it's crap isn't it ladies, but I kind of feel better just knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this. I definitely have more good days then bad, but it's really just meh today!

OP’s posts: |
WombatStewForTea Tue 04-Aug-20 16:42:27

I'll join! My dd was 7 weeks when lockdown started. I'm just thankful people got to meet her and have a cuddle while it was still allowed. I'd been to three weeks worth of baby groups and had just started to make friends but annoyingly hadn't got to the passing numbers thing.
Groups have just started to open up again and are planning for reopening fully in Sept. If they don't I honestly will be gutted. I've arranged to go back part time cos I feel I've missed out on so much.

eggofmantumbi Tue 04-Aug-20 18:43:52

I've also lost confidence about going out. I don't know where I'll be able to change her/ sit etc and the same with toddler.

OP’s posts: |
misstoblerone85 Tue 04-Aug-20 19:12:09

I had my second the Friday before lockdown. My parents didn't meet him until we were allowed overnight stays.

Mostly I'm happy with the extra time we've had at home with the family but I'm sad about not being able to go to baby groups. I was looking forward to the 1 on 1 time we would get while the older one was at nursery.

I'm back to work in October 4 days a week as we can't afford to be on statuary pay any longer. I feel my maternity leave is nearly over and I feel a bit sad we won't be able to do baby classes aimed at the little one.

Pinkywoo Tue 04-Aug-20 19:31:50

DS was 4 months at the start of lockdown and I'd just started to make a few friends at the group down the road but hadn't exchanged numbers. I'm in the shielding group so I don't know when (or if) we'll be able to go back, and as he's my first I don't have any mum friends, it's been very lonely. Also all the things like postnatal yoga I'd planned on going to are for babies that can't crawl yet so we'll never get to do them now. sad

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