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I've never been a person with fragile MH but this is getting to me now

(28 Posts)
Grottyfeet Mon 03-Aug-20 08:14:51

I'm 50 and have always thought of myself as resilient and able to cope with whatever is thrown at me. I've always dealt with stresses by finding a way to solve the problems I have some control over and learning to let the others go. I exercise daily, which helps. Throughout the "full" lockdown I counted my blessings, abided by the rules and made the most of things.

I didn't actually mind the lockdown, I could cope with that but I'm finding this relaxation really hard. The way everyone is interpreting the rules differently (to suit themselves) the infighting about whose fault it is about restrictions being tightened, the prospect of going "backwards".

I have quite a senior position and am responsible for the employment of around 120 staff. Usually, I take that in my stride, even though people are capable of doing the most ridiculous things grin but I'm finding trying to comply with the rapidly changing government advice really very challenging.

I'm worried about my DCs' career prospects. They're both fresh out of education and had secured excellent positions but they're not looking so good now.

I'm really struggling to find a balance between being "sensible" and actually living a bit.

And this is me, who generally just gets on with it and sees the positive in things.

The MH of the nation must have absolutely gone to pot.

OP’s posts: |
Happyspud Mon 03-Aug-20 08:21:47

I was the happiest, steadiest person for all my life and now I'm on beta blockers and sertraline after a breakdown of some sort. I even have a lovely life in lockdown! Something undermined my mental health but I'm thinking it's somewhat normal to be affected in this environment. Just make sure you reach out if you need to.

21NewNames Mon 03-Aug-20 08:41:34

I completely understand OP. I could almost have written your post. I am usually very resilient and am ok most of the time but this thing just overwhelms me sometimes.

flowers and/or gin to you.

Cherryade8 Mon 03-Aug-20 08:46:25

I'm with you OP. Work has become very fractious, generally people are very polarised now, all the pleasure has been sapped out of life.

Something will happen in time, people can't tolerate this.

Babdoc Mon 03-Aug-20 08:57:04

A safe, effective vaccine is the holy grail society is waiting for. Without it, this chaos, fear and uncertainty will just continue.
I am also struggling with my MH - I fell ill with Covid in March, was hospitalised in April, and have been ill ever since with covid induced ling damage, breathlessness and muscle fatigue. I live alone and am ground down with sleep deprivation due to breathing problems, loneliness, and the fear of dying from respiratory failure years before my time. It is hard to keep positive month after month with no improvement.

rookiemere Mon 03-Aug-20 09:04:30

I'm similar to you OP - turned 50 in early lockdown, lots of meals out and trips I had arranged have gone, but you know we have a nice house next to some lovely walks and our health so should be grateful right ?

I'm finding this period hard. I'm worried if DS 14 will get to go to school all this term, and if he doesn't I'm worried that the online provision will be as poor as it was last term ( he's at private school so I think I'm allowed to be critical).

I have a couple of European weekend trips scheduled for September- I was allowing myself to get mildly positive about chances of them happening- am now back to that will they won't they and extreme annoyance that I'll lose the cost of the flights. Can't book anything in the future as who knows what will happen.

Oh and job which I am enjoying is getting to end of current project so need to find something else to do at work.

BarkingHat Mon 03-Aug-20 09:08:34

Likewise. And we are somewhere which has no restrictions at all. But the payback for that is that the borders are shut.

We can’t go anywhere and no one can get in. I love where I live and counting blessings for no mask, no social distancing, but I’d dearly love a proper normal life back to visit friends and family away.

Where I live is beautiful but small and I know every bit of it now....

PersonaNonGarter Mon 03-Aug-20 09:15:48

Completely, OP.

Things feel a bit weird and the bolt is about to drop in terms of job losses etc. And then winter.

Winter is so foreboding this year. I usually love the autumn and look forward to Christmas so I usually love this turn of the season. But this feels so ominous, as the consequences of lockdown get felt - including the DCs ‘homeschooling’ which will likely have set them back.

noego Mon 03-Aug-20 09:21:06

Just stay in the moment, don't go looking into the future it cannot be predicted and what has gone has gone and is in the past.
There is a negative energy that is pervading everywhere at the moment, not attaching to it is key to stability in anyone's MH.

StarTrekRedShirt Mon 03-Aug-20 09:21:15

I think everyone feels a bit like you do OP. In fact I would find it strange if people said that none of this has affected them, everyone I know who has spoken about how they feel says something similar to you.

I’m sorry I have no magic pill to make everything better, no words of wisdom to help, just know you’re not alone and your certainly not weird.

Also, your children will eventually get other great job opportunities, if they have a decent education then Covid will not hold them back.

Grottyfeet Mon 03-Aug-20 09:22:43

Yes, up to now I've been grateful for my garden and the fact that although we are by no means a sought after beauty spot, we do actually have some lovely countryside around us. As things have relaxed I've enjoyed the opportunity to see people outdoors. The idea that this will continue or be tightened into winter....

OP’s posts: |
Grottyfeet Mon 03-Aug-20 09:26:32

My children's education is very ordinary. DS2 in particular worked very hard to "scrape" the results he needed for a sought after apprenticeship and then prepared very thoroughly for the selection process, to be successful from 300 candidates (and that was before the current crisis in youth unemployment). If he loses this, I can't imagine what will happen to him or how he will cope emotionally.

OP’s posts: |
CakeMiddleton Mon 03-Aug-20 09:27:19

he's at private school so I think I'm allowed to be critical

Those of us with children in the state system have an equal right to be critical.

Chimchar Mon 03-Aug-20 09:30:13

@Babdoc sorry to hear you're unwell...it sounds awful. sadthanks

I'm really struggling with it all...not having had any time on my own, worrying about my kids, ropey mental health at the best of times, dh self employed and having no work, bickering with dh about non important stuff...

But I am trying always to look for the positives...lovely daily walks, a roof over our heads, the good health of my family amongst many more.

Augustseemsbetter Mon 03-Aug-20 09:30:52

Grotty, I feel too that the relaxing of lockdown is more difficult to navigate. It must be both a mental and an emotional challenge to manage others at work right now.

On the plus side of the nation's potential mental health issues, I would note that my Mil who has very rocky MH has really surprised us all and become a stoic and is rather chirpy.

Also my children (one a teen and the second a young adult happy to be socialising again..) have seemed fairly relaxed throughout. I however started crying last week on a family trip round the block! There will be individualized responses and no doubt your responsibilities for others at this time of changes will play into your reactions.

I had a reactive depression in my 20s and I recognised similar thought processes and feelings at last week's pit of despair. So I am focussing this week rather frantically on little actions to help myself through this.

Babdoc I have just read your post after going through the palaver of rejoining MN to post to Grotty. So sorry to hear of your awful experience and fears for the future.flowers

flipperdoda Mon 03-Aug-20 09:32:41

I'm struggling too OP. I think I've just made the decision to call my GP in fact - I've just spent half an hour staring at my computer screen getting nothing done and this has become my norm.

I live alone and despite trying, I don't see people enough at all. I'm so lonely but I also am sad and don't want to see or speak to people - I have to make a real effort in my up times to organise things then stick to them.

I survived "proper" lockdown okay too, but I feel like I'm breaking

puzzledpiece Mon 03-Aug-20 09:41:31

I'm terrified of September when schools go back as I have a disabled child who is shielded and one unaffected who needs his schooling. I'm terrified of myself or DH getting sick and having one of the long term outcomes like heart problems or fatigue. I just won't cope.

I don't know what to do for the best and the indecision is crippling mentally

Augustseemsbetter Mon 03-Aug-20 09:50:45

Noego I agree with your post wholeheartedly.

I apologize if the following is trite to anyone, please feel free to ignore.

I find that when I make myself spend time in that mode of being in the present only it gives the breathing space I lack. At the moment I am doing this by being outside in short bursts watching birds or insects.

My worst trigger right now is thinking ahead to winter (and catastrophising). I know I need to "plan" something. Painting sounds unlikely but more inspiring than sodding jigsaws. Even if I just have to start with stripes😉.

Lisette1940 Mon 03-Aug-20 10:43:32

Babdoc I'm so sorry to hear that you've been unwell with Covid. You are very much valued as a Mumsnetter.

rookiemere Mon 03-Aug-20 10:50:06

@CakeMiddleton sorry I didn't mean to imply that state school parents could not also be critical. It's just on some threads if you imply that teachers and the teaching your DC receives is anything less than perfect, then you get roundly told off for that, and told that your DCs education is up to you. So I was just trying to justify myself a bit in case that happened.
So glad it's school holidays at the minute so at least I'm not getting castigated by some mumsnetters for my inability to singlehandedly navigate my DS through his secondary subjects whilst simultaneously working.

Saucery Mon 03-Aug-20 10:54:24

I could have written that OP. I had a long crying fit last night sparked off by seeing so many people on holiday. I don’t know why - it was an agreed decision amongst all of us not to book anything. We live in an area with some nice walks which have been a godsend throughout lockdown, plus easy access to more open areas of moors/lakes etc which we’ve gone to early so they’re not too busy.
I hate camping, but I was so upset at seeing people on the local news blithely setting up their tents. Totally irrational! blush
But it just lit a spark under the tinder of underlying worry and misery of the last few months.

I’ve pondered ADs but decided they’re not for me right now. I’m reacting to circumstances after all and they won’t make Covid 19 go away. Fully understand why other people take them though and that isn’t a criticism.

flowers to all of us who feel this way right now.

CakeMiddleton Mon 03-Aug-20 13:33:25

rookiemere

*@CakeMiddleton* sorry I didn't mean to imply that state school parents could not also be critical. It's just on some threads if you imply that teachers and the teaching your DC receives is anything less than perfect, then you get roundly told off for that, and told that your DCs education is up to you. So I was just trying to justify myself a bit in case that happened.
So glad it's school holidays at the minute so at least I'm not getting castigated by some mumsnetters for my inability to singlehandedly navigate my DS through his secondary subjects whilst simultaneously working.

I hear you, @rookiemere. DD's teachers are on the whole very good when she's in school (state comp) but the on line provision during lock down was unsatisfactory. Heaven forbid you suggest that either to the SLT or on Mumsnet. I'm dreading more disruption from September.

Meruem Mon 03-Aug-20 13:44:24

This obviously isn't a solution for everyone but I found that getting away for just a couple of days made everything feel more "normal". I just did a quick European city break (so it was quite cheap) and just walking around somewhere different, doing things like stopping at a cafe (which I haven't done here) reminded me that life is continuing. Albeit with masks and social distancing. But a couple of days out of your home environment can really provide a boost. I wouldn't book a week or two holiday anywhere but a weekend away helps a lot.

Bluemooninmyeyes1 Mon 03-Aug-20 13:50:42

Same OP. I am meant to be getting married next year and I just can’t get excited or plan anything in case of a dreaded second wave. As others have said, all of the joy has been sucked out of life. People are still scared to hug, meet, go out etc. Sorry I can’t help but I just wanted to say you’re not alone.

SqidgeBum Mon 03-Aug-20 13:51:26

I am a pretty stable person. I am a teacher who deals with stress every working day. I have had times where I was financially on the bread line, choosing between electricity and food. I have travelled the world alone, moved countries to be with my DH meaning I have no family support, and I have always had the attitude of every problem has a solution so why sit and moan and cry. My DH calls me 'cold'. I am as hard as they come.

Lockdown nearly broke me. Isolation, financial worries (we have DC2 due in november and my husbands job is on the line), no idea when I would see my family again (6 months and counting), and the utter misery that I can see looking into the future for both the country and us as a family. It has been so so hard.

You are not alone in your feelings OP. I think the mental health fallout of this year is going to be catastrophic. Humans are going to take years to recover. The economy will take even longer, meaning MH services will be in short supply. It's a nightmare.

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