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Unsolicited advice givers ...(8 Posts)
... giving advice about hair, make up, and clothing which results in the advisee feeling like utter shite! WHY?
I'm a natural average and the queen of casual. I dress well but don't really dress up unless the occasion calls for it (nice restaurant, wedding, work do, etc).
We live rurally so going to the pub is usually a "wear your best welly boots" occasion.
Anyway, we went to our local pub on Friday afternoon to sit outside and a couple of people we know were there too. We get on well and have had a few nights out in a group (pre-pandemic). DH chatted to the DHs and I chatted to the women.
I was in a casual but nice summer dress and flip flops, hair pinned back out of my face (because it was hot), and wearing my "fancy sunnies". My face is ok, it's in a standard condition for its mileage and pretty good skin.
The women advised me on what I could do with my hair, and asking my why I don't wear lipstick, or I could go with them for a mani-pedi, etc...
I felt like utter crap! I do have self esteem issues and have attempted to think pragmatically about this but why do people do this!
Why can't people accept others' style or comfort differences? I'm not a project, I wear make up and clothes that I'm comfortable in and usually feel confident doing so.
I'm not saying they were being cruel but it did make me feel self conscious and quite low.
I hate all that sort of stuff; make up, dressing up, whatever a mani-pedi is sounds like my idea of living hell!
If you're happy with yourself and not interested in that kind of thing just tell them.
Do it bluntly and they'll shut up fast enough
Yeah, it is rude... but why do it??
Actually op, you sound like my kinda girl!
It's nothing to do with you OP it's them projecting their own insecurities on to you. 'I must do my hair/wear make up/dress a certain way or I'm less worthy' and you're sitting their comfortable without all that and it's like a mirror on them. Nod, smile and change the subject. You're perfect however you feel most comfortable in your own skin.
I would have to ask them why they think it’s ok to make comments about others’ appearances, so rude! I saw on here the other day some great responses about this kind of thing along the lines of ‘I don’t feel the need to hide my face behind a layer of paint’ or ‘I don’t feel the need to dress up for the pub’. Alternatively, say ‘I don’t need enhancements, I’m beautiful enough’ and rock your confidence. I would be a bit less forgiving and ask them why they think it’s ok to say this kind of stuff and that they’re ruddy rude.
Thank you... those sorts of comments really have an impact on my self esteem.
We've moved around quite a lot and I have a fairly complicated family history so making new friends (which I've had to do many times) can be quite intimidating and exhausting.
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